Should I help or not help?

Nursing Students General Students

Published

It has always been in my nature to help others when they are in need. This is especially true since I am learning to become a nurse. However, I have encountered a tough situation in my nursing classes. I have some classmates who I have studied with in the past and they have become very dependent studying with me. During our past study group sessions, I have lead them all and in essence tutored them to understand the material in the class. They dont' study much on their own and always cram right before a quiz or exam. At this point in the program, I am feeling the need to just study on my own because the material is getting more detailed and intense. I need more time to study and digest it. How can I communicate to my 2 classmates that I can't do group study sessions with them anymore without coming off mean or rude? Am I being selfish? Thanks in advance!

Sorry to be off subject here, but... Daytonite, please don't think we all don't appreciate every post (and the time it takes for you to write them)! You are and always have been the calm voice of reason during the crazy days (and nights) of nursing school! I've read and reread many of your posts, taken your advice, and used the websites you've supplied, and I for one want to formally say Thank You!!!!:bow:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

IMO you need to put YOUR needs first...at the same time, don't burn any bridges because you never know when you'll need that study group again. So be honest: without any accusations of their slacking or blaming them or what not, gently tell them that right now the coursework is too intense for you and that you really need to take time to master it yourself, because you just don't feel prepared for study groups.

If they're truly your friends or at least decent people, they will understand (and hopefully get their own acts together!). If they react with anger...well then, IMO that speaks volumes about what they see you as.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Ambulatory Surgery, PACU,SICU.

DAytonite,

I have saved both your worksheets and used them in clinicals. So...thanks a LOT... I really appreciate your insight and shoudl have said so sooner...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Wow, what great sheets daytonite. Many Thanks!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I wouldn't waste your time at study group if you think you are being taken advantage of. On the other hand, I am sure most people you hang with really appreciate your organization and dedication, and your ability to help hammer facts into them, if you truly are acting as a tutor. I would think it helps reinforce things that you need to know too. But if you don't have the time or desire to do the group thing anymore, then of course you should stop. Just tell your friends you can't make it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I've never used a study group, but I wouldn't put other people's feelings ahead of my own study needs. I would like to try something different next semester to get an A- maybe I should join a study group. I really need to speak up more on here because I read a lot here and get a lot of help. I know it's been said Daytonite, but yours posts are very beneficial to me. It's easy for me to complicate the rationale behind these critical thinking test questions. You cut to the chase and tell us we need to learn the nursing process and that is what I'm centering on. You helped me with my first care plans perhaps five months ago with posts you wrote for other students; my CI's have had no problems with my care plans. Thank you very much for what you do here Daytonite.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Study groups are not good for me. In LPN school, the study group started ended up being a party group. I need to understand the material myself before I can even try to discuss it with others. I also don't want to take the extra time away from my family when I can study just as well at home.

I agree with Meriwhen, just tell them that the study group is not working well for you anymore and you need to change your style.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

Daytonite, I just wanted to say that I dont start the nursing program until August but I have already read many many of your posts that help others and have thought many times that I can NOT wait to be able to use your advice. I was unaware that you are undergoing chemo and what a considerate thing to take all of that time to try to help others while you are not feeling well. Bless you!

To the OP I have had classmates that depended on me for help. I know that at times it is overwhelming as you have your own studying to do. However, I have been told, and found it to be true, that a helpful tool in learning is to try to explain it to someone else. You sometimes realize that you don't know it as well as you thought you did. I use my husband for this. If I find I can't explain something to him to where he understands it, I know I don't really know it and back to the books I go.

However, do not sacrifice your own studies to help anothers. People do need to help themselves as well and they can not just depend on you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
many times it takes me one or two hours to compose a post (four hours these days since chemotherapy left me with no feeling in my fingers and i literally have to type with two fingers now). about half the time i never hear back on my posts which makes me wonder if the student understood the information i took so much time to compose and post or were they still lost and confused.
dear daytonite,

thank you so much for your hard work on your posts! i have a resource study notebook, and three/quarters of the content are your posts. your posts are an automatic read for me.

to the op: it's selfish to depend solely on the hard work of others! :no: imho, it's not you being selfish.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.

There is no problem with telling your classmates you don't want to study in a group. Like other posters have suggested, just tell them you're going to study on your own for a bit.

I did find study groups useful, though. There were several of us who would meet at the library (not on a school day) and go over information. Each of us was responsible to cover certain material (we would spend 5 minutes at the end of each class assigning who was to bring what) and would put together a few pages with info from class, the book, etc. Copies were made for each member and that way, we could spend time focusing on one topic, yet have info from many.

If this particular group isn't working for you--and you shouldn't have to do everyone's work--maybe another group would be better :).

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics, ICU, ED.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice. I didn't participate in a study group for my most recent midterm and got an "A". The classmates that usually study with me as a group did well, all except for one. They studied their butts off while the one who didn't do as well crammed last minute and made many excuses why she didn't do so well. I have no sympathy for her because, she doesn't make any time to study. She was actually the one I was trying to avoid.

There's another study group that I noticed who are more prepared. I might join them instead.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment