I think I just to need vent or maybe write and reflect.
I am on my med/surg clinical placement, Im a 2nd yr student (mature) studying nursing as a second career and now having the thoughts "oh what have I done, have I made the right decision about coming into nursing".
Met my preceptor on Monday and thought we had "hit it off" shadowed her for the first day and thought ok this is going to be an enjoyable placment.
I'm on afternoons, i'm in handover writing my notes and my preceptor annouced to me that she wanted to me to go with another nurse. The other nurse then looks like a stunned mullet at me and i thought omg i can tell she does'nt want a student anywhere near her.
So i was dumped by the preceptor and put with someone that does'nt want me. I went to the nurses station to rewrite my handover information as i had written notes on the preceptors pts. The preceptor said can you move out of the way and go and read some notes or something, all the other staff turned around and looked at me I was really embarressed I just got that horrible feeling...I am in the way, no one wants me here. I went on to explain I was trying to find out the names of pts that the nurse you put me with has, i got a withering look.
So when I find these pt's and check their history the nurse I am supposed to be with is no where in sight. So i spend my time just wandering around looking for her i feel and look like a lost puppy. I asked the other nurses if they needed any help all said no they are fine. I finally fnd the nurse i am supposed to be with and she send my to do some obs. I think great something to do, look for the obs equipment there isnt any. So I start doing manual bp's and temps which took me ages cos i couldnt the bp stuff. I find my equip and do the job the nurse comes to find me ask if i had finished I said no, there where no obs trolley so i was doing it manually. She points to the obs trolleys that had been in use by others before all lined up.
So the nurse goes missing again and I'm left wondering around looking for jobs to do, there are none, so i go to the office, and get in the way again
cos all these nurses are so busy. Then my preceptor comes in and complains she is soooo busy and hdnt had a break, she tells the nurse I was with to tell the student to put her pt on the bed pan cos she was off on her break.
I spent the rest of the shift 5 hours clock watching, i just thought, you know you could be at home with your husband and kids what are you doing here, I was so tempted to go home, so went to the staff room and let a few tears roll down.
So rather than get in the way in the nurses office I stayed in the staff room and complete mywork books, when the shift had finished I just left and cried all the way home.
I just felt completley neglected, in the way, useless and not able to assert myself cos I had let myself be put in a "lowly" student position
I dont no if I have too higher expectations of people, or whether I am just a softy
I think preceptors like so much to be busy, that they cannot stand not doing anything, they have to learn to delegate tasks to students even if they will have to stand and not do anything while the student gains experience. Students will love you for it
I do feel better for sharing, I hope I am not the only one who has felt like this.