Just another "no friends in nursing school" rant

[prettywishes]

I've always been socially awkward and a bit unusual..strange, really. My mom used to tell me that in nursing school people find their best friends and become very tight knit. This hasn't happened for me. I'm now going into my second month and it seems like everyone has found their group, and I'm just kinda quiet and when I'm not, I'm spoken over or am not acknowledged.

I found out today that I'm the only person who scored a 90 or above on our first theory exam, and feel like that has placed me even further into not being liked although I was very humble about the grade I received. I realize I don't need a social group to finish nursing school, but it would take away the feeling of "outsider".. I've never had many friends, maybe 1-2 in regular school..sometimes none..but I had high hopes that this would change.

Is there anything that can make this journey easier other than having that social group? Is there a moment where things just suddenly change?

[BAY AREA RN, BSN]

if you want to make friends start asking people if they want to study with you, believe me everyone would love to study with the person that get good grades cause that will give them better study habits and increase their chance of getting better scores. don't be shy just go for it.

[Rocknurse, MSN, APRN, NP]

You're not there to make friends. If you meet some nice people and hang out, then great. If not, concentrate on your studies and keep getting those 90s. I went to nursing school in 1989. You know how many of those people I'm still friends with? Precisely none! You only get one shot at a really high GPA. Focus on that and don't worry about what other people think of you.

[RobtheORNurse]

I wouldn't worry about it. I graduated many years ago from my first nursing school and even 30 years later, people say to me, "Oh, you were in my nursing class". I don't remember them and frankly, remember very few people from my class. The ones that I do remember are only because I ended up working with them later and they reminded me. You are there to learn, and while the social aspects have some importance, what you learn is more important, you can make friends later.

[adri0110]

Hi!

Don't feel too bad about it. At my first nursing school I felt that both the students and teachers had something against me. On my first day of health assessment my teacher told everyone by the time our class was done that we should be able to identify things about a person without having to touch them, pointed to me and she told me that my hair was dry, I had dehydrated skin, am thin only because of my diet and that I don't work out. As if the first day wasn't already nerve racking, sitting in front of the room having everyone giggle made me want to just flop over and die...that being said, I was already picked on as the black sheep of the group that no one really wanted to associate with. I had more expectations for my next one, but I still feel like a bit of an outcast and sometimes wish I was a part of the in crowd.

Honestly, it does kind of stink but first of all, you aren't paying that much money to make friends, I try and remind myself that it's for school and after this everyone is bound to do different things and meet many other people. I always just try to make at least one acquaintance in my class just to be able to text them and ask questions, it's hard to come out of your shell but the littlest effort can help you accomplish that.

Just remember what you're there for, make an effort, if it works great, if it doesn't fine. If someone were to come up and try and be my friend I'd be more than accepting and if someone can't offer you that courtesy then they probably aren't the kind of person you want to befriend anyways (plus if you think about it, they're somewhat screwing themselves over with their personal evolution to achieve interpersonal skills to be a great nurse).

Keep your head up!

[Nurse Noelle]

I've always been kind of a loner. It's not hard for me to become friendly with people, and in nursing school, I remember there being a handful of people that I was friendly with, but I never really crossed the threshold into becoming really tight friends with anyone. I usually studied alone, was kind of on my own in clinicals, and never really found this super close group of friends that a lot of people talk about. Honestly, now that I'm four years postgrad, I find that I barely remember the names of most of the people in my graduating class, and we graduated about 80 people.

I've come to realize as I've gotten older that being a bit of a loner is just how I am. I find a few people I really enjoy and connect with and stick with them, and even they have a hard time luring me out of hiding a lot of the time. I'm just really comfortable being on my own, and I've never really had a tight connection with a group of people at any point in my life that I can recall. It used to really bother me that I never seemed to become a part of a group; in fact, it threw me into a depression that lasted the last couple years of university and two or three years after graduation. Now that I'm established and have discovered who I really am, I've decided that it's okay.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to put yourself out there; you should. Us introverts tend to "bubble off" and keep people at arm's length without realizing it, and we can really benefit from having some regular interaction. But on the same token, don't force yourself into social situations if at the core of your being, you find yourself averse to it. Being someone you're not is way worse than being alone, in my opinion. I guess my main point is: be open to finding someone who gets you and that you truly enjoy being friends with, but don't force it. You're not exactly in nursing school to find your best friends, but if it happens, then that's dandy. If it doesn't, then find peace within yourself and who you are. I did, and I'm way better off for it.

[bgxyrnf, MSN, RN]

I had no "friends" in nursing school which was fine by me. I wasn't there looking for a social life; I was there to learn nursing and to be the best student that I could be.

There were associates with whom I was friendly and a couple with whom I'm FB "friends," but not a one who's an actual friend.

Now that I think about it, this was the case in each of my college experiences.

Associates are those people with whom I share a stage of my life... fellow students, coworkers, etc.

Friends are those people with whom I share my life, regardless of the stage.

[Reyn04, MSN, RN]

I tend towards quiet & while in the day program found a few people who were friendly but nobody ever got together. When I switched to the evening program it was different. I was invited to an organized study group, we shared resources, we went for a drink after tests. We got together once in a blue moon outside of school. We're friends on facebook & I'm happy for their successes but I dont know if I'd call them friends in the true sense of the word.

For your grade.. its up to you if you choose to share but imho, its not grade school. Be proud of good grades, I would think that alone would draw people to you to share knowledge. Maybe you could organize a study group if its not to your detriment.

Finally, real friends are rare. It took me a long time to recognize that few and good is beyter than many who dont really give a darn. Be you and be happy with that, friends will come.

[Irish_Mist, BSN, RN]

You aren't in nursing school to make best friends for life. Remember that! Granted, it might be easier to have someone you can lean on. Why not strike up a conversation with someone who typically sits alone? You can find common ground with basically any of these people since you're all on a mission to complete nursing school.

[studentbear, CNA]

I make friends fairly effortlessly and it still took me about a month into nursing school before I found my group. And even then, it was only because I had already connected with one of the people in the group prior to school starting (via this website, actually.)

Give it some time. Be friendly and see if anyone wants to study with you. I disagree with what others are saying about sharing/not sharing exam scores-- share them if you feel comfortable with it and don't share it if you don't. It doesn't sound like you're flaunting your grades, bragging about how easy the class is, or talking about how much you don't study. Those are the types of things, IMO, that rub people the wrong way.

And like other posters have mentioned, nursing school doesn't have to be the place you make friends. But I do understand the desire to do so. Best of luck!

[msliz11]

Don't think you're alone! I feel you. EVERYONE has their clique and somehow I was never able to join one. I am pretty quiet and more on the introverted side, but I am not socially awkward and I am nice and fun once you get to know me. But still, just haven't been able to make friends. Even during my freshmen year when I was taking pre-reqs and I living on campus it was difficult for me. All I really want is someone to talk to and sit by in class with and possible study with.

I tried though multiple times though. For example I had this one girl that I knew pretty well and I sat by her for the first few weeks of class. Then she reunited with her old group of friends and moved spots away from me. I don't even know why it kind of hurt my feelings, she was honestly rude to me and teased me. Whatever.

Anyways now I'm ranting. What I would suggest is that you look around and see if there are any others that are like you and don't really have a group. I guarantee there is someone. Try to talk to them. If not just focus on your grades and what ever else you have going on in life. Girls are drama anyways!

[NPvampire, MSN, RN, APRN]

I'm like that also, shy, and tend to isolate. Our pre-nursing orientation blabbed about how what great friends we'd become, solidarity. Right. I would not have been surprised to see one slit another's throat in the parking lot to get ahead. Backstabbing, gossip, cliques, cheating, attacking teachers (figuratively) on and on. Bodes poorly for our profession sometimes.

[Future-NurseRedHeart]

I'm in my second month of school as well, and I don't have friends. I have people I work with in clinical and lab but other than that, we barely talk. I don't think I will make friends either, I'm here for my education and that's it. We should be friends!