Atheists? How do you deal with religious people?

[CalicoKitty]

I'm an atheist. I am uncomfortable around religious situations. I haven't started nursing school yet (14 weeks to go). I'm concerned with being confronted with people that would ask me to "Pray for them" and stuff. I don't know if this is a common occurrence among patients, etc. Aside from not wanting to be included in religious sentiments, I also am very uncomfortable with lying. I think I would find moral difficulty with saying "Okay" to someone that would ask me to pray for them.

I'd prefer to hear from atheists how they deal with situations like that. I'd rather not get into a religion discussion, if it can be avoided.

I was trying to search for old threads, but the links from the search engine are not going to the correct pages.

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

There are some implications to nursing when you are an atheist or agnostic. I'd check yourself for defensive behavior or egotistical behavior in conversations about religion. If this doesn't apply to you, great. I used to struggle with the defensive and ego-based behavior when religion came up in conversation. I've noticed many atheists do.

I'd also check and monitor your demeanor and affect when discussing spiritual or religious needs with patients. The tiniest twitch of your cheek, veiled smirk, etc; these are apparent to patients. That is a failure because then the patient's experience is tainted by your disapproval.

It's my opinion that it is best for your beliefs to be kept quiet, when in nursing school and when you are new on the job. The reason I say this is because some religious people are so shocked and threatened by those who are not believers, they believe such people are incapable of true morality. When you are in a vulnerable position, like as a student or new employee, you don't want your character to be viewed this way, potentially. As you can see, my advice is pragmatic.

[CalicoKitty, BSN, MSN, RN]

There are some implications to nursing when you are an atheist or agnostic. I'd check yourself for defensive behavior or egotistical behavior in conversations about religion. If this doesn't apply to you, great. I used to struggle with the defensive and ego-based behavior when religion came up in conversation. I've noticed many atheists do.

I'd also check and monitor your demeanor and affect when discussing spiritual or religious needs with patients. The tiniest twitch of your cheek, veiled smirk, etc; they are apparent to patients. That is a failure because then the patient's experience is tainted by your disapproval.

It's my opinion that your beliefs should be kept pretty quiet, at least in school and when you are new on the job. The reason I say this is because some religious people are so shocked and threatened by non-theism, they believe atheists and agnostics are incapable of true morality. When you are in a vulnerable position, like as a student or new employee, you don't want to be in this position. As you can see, my advice is pragmatic.

See, that's something that I'm concerned about. I was raised "Atheist" or at least agnostic. Religion wasn't ever talked about by my family growing up. And, I think partly because of that, I have a serious lack of understanding about religion (I remember in 7th grade being asked if I was a virgin, and having no idea what that meant or what the Virgin Mary was). It is hard (impossible?) for me to take religious talk seriously since I don't understand how people can really, truly believe in it. I was even rolling my eyes at my youngest brother's wedding (a born again Christian). I felt bad about that (since it was rude), and it's something I need to figure out how to work on. I know I give off 'vibes' when I'm confronted with or surrounded by religion.

There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread. I'm thinking I need to figure out a way to not be so immediately react when I'm uncomfortable.

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

See, that's something that I'm concerned about. I was raised "Atheist" or at least agnostic. Religion wasn't ever talked about by my family growing up. And, I think partly because of that, I have a serious lack of understanding about religion (I remember in 7th grade being asked if I was a virgin, and having no idea what that meant or what the Virgin Mary was). It is hard (impossible?) for me to take religious talk seriously since I don't understand how people can really, truly believe in it. I was even rolling my eyes at my youngest brother's wedding (a born again Christian). I felt bad about that (since it was rude), and it's something I need to figure out how to work on. I know I give off 'vibes' when I'm confronted with or surrounded by religion.

There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread. I'm thinking I need to figure out a way to not be so immediately react when I'm uncomfortable.

Bold emphasis mine. They believe because belief in god is part of the fabric of perceived reality in society, like looking up and believing the sky is there and won't fall on you because you've been told so since a baby. If that makes sense. (Sorry, that's the best analogy I can draw.) I'm of the opinion that religiosity is partly genetic and biological. This would explain why those with epilepsy tend to be highly religious or spiritual - it's in their temporal lobe!

Well, try to think of it this way: you are entrenched in the belief system instilled in you from how your parents raised you, and so are many of the religious. You want people to respect you, don't you? Well, the religious want the same respect.

Being aware of your reactions is good. I'd work on not reacting to others related to this issue.

[Koyaanisqatsi-RN]

Bold emphasis mine. They believe because belief in god is part of the fabric of perceived reality in society, like looking up and believing the sky is there and won't fall on you because you've been told so since a baby. If that makes sense. (Sorry, that's the best analogy I can draw.) I'm of the opinion that religiosity is partly genetic and biological.

Religion has nothing whatsoever to do with genetics or biology. Of course, humans have always wondered where we came from and how we got here, etc. But that in and of itself has nothing to do with religion any more than it has to do with philosophy or science or anything similar.

Well, try to think of it this way: you are entrenched in the belief system instilled in you from how your parents raised you, and so are many of the religious. You want people to respect you, don't you? Well, the religious want the same respect.

No one is advocating lack of respect, as far as I've seen.

Just please try to remember that it can be pretty hurtful to tell someone that one position is the default, correct one, and thus imply that they are somehow deficient.

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

Religion has nothing whatsoever to do with genetics or biology. Of course, humans have always wondered where we came from and how we got here, etc. But that in and of itself has nothing to do with religion any more than it has to do with philosophy or science or anything similar.

Actually, there is substantial research that indicates the religiosity is partly based in genetics and biology. You might want to google "god gene." However, I believe the OP requested this thread be about his or her response to religious people, not a religious debate. I included this comment about biology as an adjunct to help with understanding religious people.

[AngelaC]

Whenever anyone asks for my prayers, I respond with something along the lines of "I will be sending warm thoughts your way."

I've not yet had a patient ask me to pray with them but I think I would reply with something along the lines of "I have to do AB and C right now but I would be happy to call in the chaplain to spend some time praying and talking with you."

[Agrippa]

I just tell them that they will be in my thoughts. I don't say Id pray for them since I wont. I try not to be an evangelical atheist (or rather an agnostic since technically, I can't say for sure that I KNOW a god doesn't exist). Some people need the comfort of believing that there is life after death and I don't want to take that away from them - although I suppose the truth as I believe it sets you free.

[Koyaanisqatsi-RN]

Actually, there is substantial research that indicates the religiosity is partly based in genetics and biology. You might want to google "god gene." However, I believe the OP requested this thread be about his or her response to religious people, not a religious debate. I included this comment about biology as an adjunct to help with understanding religious people.

I understand that this is not meant to be a religious debate, but the fact remains that there is no substantial research on the subject you are describing. There has been nothing published in a peer-reviewed journal, for starters. That is how science is done. We don't believe a tiny fraction of people who have yet to prove anything they are claiming, and in fact the vast majority of scientists know that this is junk-science. I am not trying to rain on your parade, if you want to believe in this, that's fine by me. But you are stating it as fact, when in fact it is not even close.

Here is some further reading

http://www.senecac.on.ca/quarterly/2005-vol08-num01-winter/reviews/doughty3.html

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

I understand that this is not meant to be a religious debate, but the fact remains that there is no substantial research on the subject you are describing. There has been nothing published in a peer-reviewed journal, for starters. That is how science is done. We don't believe a tiny fraction of people who have yet to prove anything they are claiming, and in fact the vast majority of scientists know that this is junk-science. I am not trying to rain on your parade, if you want to believe in this, that's fine by me. But you are stating it as fact, when in fact it is not even close.

Here is some further reading

http://www.senecac.on.ca/quarterly/2005-vol08-num01-winter/reviews/doughty3.html

???

I said "I'm of the opinion" and "there is substantial research." I didn't say the god gene is a fact.

Well, I've had my say. So be it.

[Koyaanisqatsi-RN]

???

I said "I'm of the opinion" and "there is substantial research." I didn't say the god gene is a fact.

Well, I've had my say. So be it.

I just meant it seemed like it was being stated that the research was adequate. I might have misunderstood! Sorry for the derail, now back to regularly scheduled programming. :)

[JettaDP]

OP,

On the subject of you saying that you don't understand religion....... As I mentioned earlier that I am also atheist. I felt the exact same way. I truly didn't understand religion because I wasn't raised in a religious household. But I recognize my lack of knowledge and decided to educate myself of religion. I read about different religions and their beliefs. I also read a book on the philosophy of religion. (FYI I highly recommended philosophy books). Anywho, after reading up on religion I felt much better about my own beliefs. I now have an understanding on how and why people believe in what they do. I am more sensitive to their beliefs. And I am capable of talking religion with someone without making any disapproving gestures. And that's mainly because I no longer "disapprove" of their beliefs. I respect their beliefs. Just as I want my beliefs to be respected.

So my point is to teach yourself. I think you will find it much easier to be more sensitive to your patients.

[amarilla, RN]

It is hard (impossible?) for me to take religious talk seriously since I don't understand how people can really, truly believe in it. I was even rolling my eyes at my youngest brother's wedding (a born again Christian).

I'm not an atheist or agnostic; truthfully, I'm one of those 'born again Christians', (more specifically, an evangelical lutheran.) I promise to make this short and sweet, and hope you'll hear me out despite a fundamental difference in beliefs about life and thereafter.

First things first: we're just people.

Really.

I understand that you feel uncomfortable about being placed in situations where you may be confronted with beliefs and customs different from your own, but I feel that a larger issue may be that you react negatively toward others displaying those beliefs. I know I sure wouldn't like to be joked with, laughed at or questioned regarding my beliefs, and I try to always keep the feelings of others in mind because of this. Unless you're a close friend or a fellow churchgoer, you wouldn't know what my affiliation is; for many christians, faith is something meaningful and personal.

My religion matters very little when it comes to providing care, as well it should. When your patient is your priority, (and they always should be), their needs and well-being come first. It isn't appropriate nor compassionate to express disapproval or judgment with regards to their spiritual affiliation, practice of worship, or expression of faith. You will likely meet patients of many faiths; all deserve respect, regardless of same.

I doubt that you'll be drawn into participating in religious customs against your will; with this in mind, I think it's likely just as easy to smile, perhaps hold their hand for a moment of silence, or offer to contact clergy on the patient's behalf. Encouraging family to visit and spend some quality time with the patient may also ease their distress. There has been some great advice given throughout the thread; I particularly liked the mention that offering kind wishes is often much appreciated just the same. No one is going to expect you to have all the answers; more often, they seem to be looking more so for kindness and reassurance at an uneasy and possibly frightening time in their lives.

Just as you are entitled to your beliefs, (and to not be mocked for them), patients deserve the same consideration.

Treat everyone like a person deserving warmth, understanding and care, and you should be just fine.

:)

OSouthern