Yikes! =O - page 3
Took care of a 12 y/o tripping on acid last night. (Yes, TWELVE!!!) :eek: His parents called from the car to have security meet them at the door...they had to stop in the middle of the street, b/c... Read More
Jul 27, '02Occupation: entering LPN school fall 2002 Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 28My daughter is very smart! And I am not just saying that because shes mine. She is a 4.0 in school. Her brother who is mentally retarded never got that chance. And yes, I think I could beat her if she chooses to ever mess with her brain with drugs. She has gotten so many opportunities and I won't sit by and let her throw any of them away!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jul 27, '02Specialty: Clinical Risk Management ; Joined: Aug '01; Posts: 2,345; Likes: 75Originally posted by Rustyhammer
I have my kids (this summer) working one one big science project (I like my 11 year olds project of identifying every bug on our land) They have to read at least an hour a day ( I never have to nag them about that) and they have to do a journal entry daily.
We also do math, play lots of games, take the horses out a lot and ride the motorcycles plenty. My new 8 year old (adopted in April) caught his first fish this month and my 15 year old daughter approached me to have a daddy daughter talk about maybe starting dating this school year (I was strong with her but cried behind her back).
I'm proud of my kids but I am STEADFAST in my belief that communication be foremost with the family. There are NO SECRETS and even when we mess up (parents too) we admit it and carry on.
My daughter is 5 y/o & we talk about everything. With the recent kidnappings of children her age, it's prompting me to talk about the darker side of humanity with her.
I'm taking note of what you more experienced parents are doing to raise your children to be real, live, living & breathing adults.
Kudos to all of you!
Jul 27, '02Joined: Aug '01; Posts: 3,725; Likes: 459I have a 16, 14, 9 and 7 still here at home. I am VERY strict with them. I demand to know where they are and what they're doing at all times... the 16 y/o has a cell phone that she carries and the 7&9 y/o are to stay in a fenced in back yard unless Dad or I are outside to supervise bike riding or otherwise. We have LOTS of talks and I am open and honest about things if they ask me...
All I can do is pray and hope they ask, so we can talk before any rash decisions are made.
They get paddlings if needed, and I have no remorse about any type of physical punishment they receive. And I'll be darned if someone is going to tell me that "time-out" will be more useful for MY child...I will raise MY child with paddlings and respect.
So far, we have been successful and have had lots of discussion periods. We have good kids who say "yes ma'am and no ma'am and yes sir or no sir" they say "please and thank you". They ask before they go somewhere and respect our wishes if we think it's a bad choice. We have family meetings where the kids can voice their opinions and nothing is said against them for it. Sometimes rules are changed and sometimes they aren't.
Sorry I'm rambling, but this is an issue that just grates under my skin. Parents who lose control of their children.... AARRGGHHH!!!
There are no bad kids...just misdirected ones.....
Jul 27, '02Occupation: research nurse Joined: Oct '01; Posts: 1,878; Likes: 44Originally posted by Robin61970
I believ in spanking a child, but not beating a child.......I believe that if any of my children yell at me, tell me to shut up or call me a name as I have seen others do to their mothers then they deserve the slap in the mouth that I will deliver.......
When my kids were little, I had to spank the older one twice. Spanks were very special and made quite an impression. I'd withhold privileges or something unless the kid did something that was life-threatening. Then I spanked.
Being out of temper and fed up was something else. Older daughter has always been mouthy. One time I had to squish a pbj sammich in her face (like a cream pie on tv) to keep from smacking her just because *I* was mad. We both laughed, but I sure was frustrated!!
Jul 27, '02Occupation: Quality Nurse & Home Health Nurse Joined: Dec '99; Posts: 3,786; Likes: 129OH yeah!!! Like that commercial says...questions...the anti-drug." This is so true. I ask my dtr every question I can think of, where are you going? Who else will be there? Are parents going to be there? Let me talk to that parent. We have a little network of moms who all do the same drill. I just got my dtr a cell, and in this world Denniw, it IS a necessity!! I freaked out yesterday when she called me from the beach and I couldn't get to the little teensy cell phone in my purse fast enough. I tried calling her back, and her phone was out of range. Thank God she called again a couple hours later!! She said her battery went dead, but she charged her ophone w her friends charger. Today she called me twice to "check in." I told her I missed her like crazy!! She's away for 4 days!!!
My husband is worse. He doesn't like it at all when they even spend the night somewhere. He says, I like my kids at home under my roof when I go to bed at night. He says our dog, a shetland sheepdog is also freaked out when one of the flock is "missing."
I have to say, this is the first summer I have worked during the week while the kids were home, and only 2 days. I am very proud of how responsible they have been. I am lucky in that I can stop home throughout the day, so they never know when I will do a pop-in, which helps keep them straight.
But I can't emphasize enough to meet the parents of the kids our kids associate with. Don't be embarrassed to ask them questions, like you are going to be in the movie w them right? If my girfriend had asked more questions, her dtr would not have been raped and have attempted suicide several times since then. Sad to say, but I agree with you Rusty, even though she is my good friend, you have to KNOW where your kids are at all times! They are the most precious gift we can ever have, and we cannot ever assume anything!
Jul 27, '02Occupation: Quality Nurse & Home Health Nurse Joined: Dec '99; Posts: 3,786; Likes: 129I just read your most recent post Dennie, and I have to tell you what I did to my dtr one day. She was 7 at the time, and she wanted something, and the whining started. Well, she just went on and on and I just had had enough!! I was washing the dishes, rinsing the cutting board w the hose thingy. Well, finally, I just turned around with it and gave her a squirt w the water! Was she ever startled, I can still remember the look on her face of complete shock! It was either give her a quick squirt of water or slap her in the mouth, I felt this was better! I am ashmed to say, it made me feel much better!
Jul 27, '02Occupation: fulltime student Joined: Mar '01; Posts: 2,025; Likes: 1I will always remember the day that my 15 year old brother looked at my mother(in my 7 month pregnant presence) and said, "You're a f***ing B**ch!" I am 9 years older than he is and 7 months pregnant and smaller or not......I knocked the hell out of him........my mother did not treat me right as a teen, BUT she is my mother and for that she gets my respect and NO ONE talks to my mother that way especially not one of her kids........could not believe it.........luckily my children do know when they have stepped over the line....as Dennie calls the lizard look......I can look and they back pedal pretty quick......come to think of it....it's been probably 6 weeks or more since we have had to spank.....probably more........losing the computer is more traumatic,lol......
Jul 28, '02Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 608; Likes: 5Wow i wish i had you guys as i was growing up! I had to parent my self. Its really hard standing up to alot of this stuff w/no support! Heck its hard enough w/parents behind you!
Jul 28, '02Occupation: RN Specialty: CV-ICU ; Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 2,343; Likes: 51Both of our kids are still ADHD (at 23 and 19y/o), and believe me, if there were involved parents, we were there. Did it help? Not with my oldest- my son got into drugs when we HAD to move because of my hubby not being able to do stairs anymore (he as MS). My son blamed us for the move and disruption in his life. He had good friends from good families; but 1 kid taught 3 others how to smoke dope (at Boy Scout Camp, no less!), and my son and another friend really liked it and it was down hill from there on.
Were we involved? Yes. Did we monitor behavior and know the families? Yes. Did the kids hang out here? Yes, as much as they hung out at the other friends' house. Did we try to keep the lines of communication open? Yes. But he had an oppositional personality; and got into trouble anyway. He's been clean and straight now for over 2 years, and I swear praying is the one thing that kept me sane.
Jul 28, '02Occupation: fulltime student Joined: Mar '01; Posts: 2,025; Likes: 1You can only do so much and then they have their own choices to make.........we aren't perfect and neither are they no matter what we do.........I believe it is much harder with ADHD children also, but we just keep trying......
Jul 28, '02Occupation: research nurse Joined: Oct '01; Posts: 1,878; Likes: 44((((((Jennie P))))))
Yeah - that kind of disability making raising kids SO much harder! I was so incredibly lucky, and my only real experience with TRULY ADHD (as opposed to my kid who just was a little bit hyper) kids was as a sunday-school teacher. Oh Man Oh Man Oh Man that is HARD. They can't focus and concentrate no matter how much they try, so they seem to hit some sort of spot where they just go 'oh well, it's not working I'm just going to go with it' and really act out.
That's one of the reasons I like being the nursery lady at my church so much. I like to know that mums of kids who have a hard time at least get a couple of hours of peace and quiet each week when *I* watch their kids.
Jul 28, '02Occupation: Quality Nurse & Home Health Nurse Joined: Dec '99; Posts: 3,786; Likes: 129((((((Jennie P))))) That is what triggered my friend's dtr, a move out of state. She was depressed at leaving her friends, and got in w the wrong crowd. MY friend had thought it was the perfect time for a move b/c she would be starting HS in the new place, and not having to start in the middle of the four years, or worse in the middle of a school year.
I shouldn't have generalized. Every parent has thier trials, maybe mine are yet to come.
always, I don't wish to discuss it much, but I pretty much raised myself too. I was lucky though to have some really good teachers, and neighbors, and God knows what I would've turned out like if I didn;t have their example. I think you and I have an advantage, b/c we know all the mistakes not to make with our kids!
BTW, does anyone else, in my age group I guess, think The Brady Bunch played w your perception of what family should be? I remember always wishing I had a family like that, it really plays with your head!! I would describe my own family as more like Rosanne. I am no June Cleaver!! LOL!
Jul 28, '02Occupation: RN Specialty: CV-ICU ; Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 2,343; Likes: 51Thanks Dennie and Hoolihan for the hugs and support. I thank my lucky stars (and an army of guardian angels and God!) that my son is doing well now and my daughter didn't go that route also!
You know, you can do "EVERYTHING" right and still have a kid try drugs and wind up in situations you never expected or wanted to be in. I'd get so mad and angry at some people (including relatives!) who seemed to think they "knew" how to raise kids better than me and tell me what I did wrong. The worst ones were those who'd never had kids!!
My advice is this: Love your kids, be involved in their lives, keep communication lines open, and PRAY!!!! And let them know you are praying for them every day. But then place them in God's hands, and don't blame yourself if your child still travels down the wrong path. Been there; done that; and it doesn't feel good at all.