Why are the divorce rates among nurses so high?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

THere's been several surveys and studies done on professions with the highest divorce rates. Among bartenders, entertainers and telemarketers, the nursing profession was one of them. Why?

And for those that are not divorced, how do you prevent your relationship from crumbling?

It could be a little of both. But we have to remember that there we male nurses too. It could be an inclination to be proactive in being "an advocate."

I survived DV, which started after I finished nursing school and bought I house. I knew the problems that this person was undertaking, and I didn't want NO parts of it...he was in a middle of a crisis, and didn't want to improve, and was having mental health issues. When he was undergoing severe psychological changes, I knew my life was in danger. We were childhood friends, so it was an extremely dangerous situation for my family. He also self-medicated with weed, which made it worse, AND sducidal. He had major issues in coping, I identified it, yet it was so dangerous, I knew it was going to be a challenge in leaving the relationship, which I did, yet he was dangerous, and reacted with gun violence...he is no longer alive.

Even in hindsight five years fast forward, he had a fixation on me; who knows what would've happened to me, even if I was a friend only. I tried to be supportive, but I knew my safety was more important throughout the whole ordeal. I took an extreme chance to distance myself, but the danger never left until he became violent and committed suicide, with me being a survivor of gun violence.

My example is a can be construed as morbid, but my example is that there are a ton of people who cannot manage their emotions and their personal lives; and poor communication skills.

A relationship involves TWO individuals, a team that have ideas and concepts in life that each much respect. Those may change and be challenged, but not to the point that each person's livelihood and integrity is disrespected. That has to be at the forefront of the relationship, and communication must be a priority.

If work must be discussed, let the vent last about 15 minutes; let your partner vent as well. Then be done about it...work is work, home is home. Plan to do things non-work related, travel with your loved one, even budget consciously if possible, whether it be at a beach or camping or an amusement park or horseback riding, or a road trip, to even going abroad at least ONCE in your lives; something to enjoy in the moment; also have the opportunity to do that separately as well. Value each other and the choices on the journey of your lives together as much as possible. Life is a series of issues and problems and is complex; it has been built like that before us, and certainly after us. You at least want an intimate connection, then make sure that the connection is a healthy one if it is going to be long-term, and lead to bringing children in the world...pass the knowledge on to them as well. Be well rounded as possible for yourselves and your family.

Thank you for sharing. You are extremely courageous beyond belief. I have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to leave a DV relationship, but it sounds like leaving it is just as difficult as staying in one. I applaud your strength.

Do you think if you didn't go to nursing school and recognize the mental health issues, would you have been able to leave?

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

I definitely see how this can sound preachy and agree with you. But Mac7421 brings up a good point that spirituality seems to be missing in times of extreme difficulty.

^I call it lack of integrity...if you have a solid foundation of (insert) belief system, moral compass and ethics, and you follow up on actions (more than words, IMHO-talk can certainly be CHEAP), willing to admit if there is a struggle within something that may challenge your system, but can be a learning experience, that us half the battle of being a pretty healthy individual. The rest of life is figuring out the day-to-day stuff, as well as any other crises that can come up along the way, and how to handle them appropriately enough in a relationship where success is the goal, and how it will continue to build character for the person, as well as the relationship itself.

My profession contributing to my break up??? Yes and no. It was indirectly responsible. In my EMS days I saw some majorly gory things, and in my inability to know the correct way to cope I turned to drinking. My drinking is what caused the break up. Not that I was abusive or anything like that. It just became that when I wasn't working I was drinking which made me detached. I would come home and not want to talk about what I saw, then drink and still not talk. One day the build up (and her leaving) caused a total break down emotionally. Started looking for help, and that's when God found me (sorry if that's preaching again, but it is fact). Now I'm sober, new RN grad, just relocated and starting life over. So for me, God saved my life, my career, my future patients, and my future relationships (future wife I pray, and friendships as well). I am happier now knowing God then any drink ever made me. So forgive me if I appear overzealous in wanting to share what God (and nothing or no one else) gave me back. And that is my life. Thanks for asking.

Thank you for sharing. Now I know why you're so crazy about God! :) I understand that men have the tendency to internalize a lot of things. I wish I knew how to internalize things too, sometimes I can't ever shut this mouth up! haha :)

If you had to do it differently, what would you do? Would you still have worked as an EMT?

WOW! You and your hubs are definitely a rare breed. :) What other relationship tips can you provide for those with extremely demanding careers (i.e. law enforcement and nursing)? Do you ever find yourself talking about work to your hubs?

We talk to each other all the time. Sharing the burden, the joys together is amazing. On the same day we each saved a life. I performed NRP on a 27wk premie, he tied a distraught teen to himself and a bridge so she wouldn't jump and used his weight to keep her up. I lost a baby and called him crying, he listened and soothed my aching heart. He has seen children abused in horrible ways, and I listen and soothe his heart. Don't let work absorb you, don't hide your fear, anger or joy. Share and ease the burden of each other and you will be strong.

Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs! :)

Thank you for sharing. Now I know why you're so crazy about God! :) I understand that men have the tendency to internalize a lot of things. I wish I knew how to internalize things too, sometimes I can't ever shut this mouth up! haha :)

If you had to do it differently, what would you do? Would you still have worked as an EMT?

Oh yes, I would done things differently, but being an EMT isn't one of them. I love what I do, that's why I went back to school for my RN. My drinking I wish I had never done. I came from an abusive home (just stating, not looking for pity) and knew I never wanted to do that when I had a family of my own. My belief (at the time) was by drinking myself stupid where all I could do was stare into the dark was protecting her. Internalizing is good "during" a situation, but you still need to be able to let it out at the appropriate time. That was were I messed up. I never let go, never talked about it. Now ladies, when talking to a guy that doesn't mean pressure him till he talks. He has to come to it on his own. When (and sadly sometimes "if") he talks then that's when it will be helpful. That's why I like Mark Gungor's series. Yes he is a pastor, but he doesn't go all religious on you. In fact he says in the first 5min he's not going to. He focuses on the marriage with some religion added as a guide. He's the one that said "don't pressure him to talk, he will when he's ready". The more she pushed to hear why I was upset, the more I drank. I'm not saying it's her fault, I'm saying we both contributed. If I wouldn't have drank, and she would have given me space till I could talk, then we would probably still be together. Now I know my faults, and what I need to do to correct them. Also, I know when in the future "wife hunt" haha what I need in a partner and what she would need from me as well.

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

Thank you for sharing. You are extremely courageous beyond belief. I have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to leave a DV relationship, but it sounds like leaving it is just as difficult as staying in one. I applaud your strength.

Do you think if you didn't go to nursing school and recognize the mental health issues, would you have been able to leave?

I still would've had the strength to leave regardless.

I met people who had to leave their home state and uproot their children to find peace because of the danger. The choice can certainly be a very dangerous one.

My coping mechanisms in place pre- and post nursing school made me survive the ordeal. I have a low tolerance for disrespect, and I hold dear to my standards. I am open minded, but I will not allow someone to force me to conform. I'm pretty logical when it comes to deciding choices; I prefer to critical think more now than ever; and realized that is what I was doing then; my goal was to be a successful nurse, and to enjoy life, basically. Pretty simple.

When I started my journey in nursing school and was not successful at 19, I looked around at my circle of friends. They were not doing or coping well, so I ended up distancing myself from them. I wanted my path for success to be possible.

By the time I finished nursing school, my late ex was in the height of his crisis, he was depressed and paranoid. I tried to be a listening ear, and he had people around to help him get to where he could've been. He refused, and he personally did not want to be a part of this physical world. No amount of referral to services was going to help; they were suggested, avoided, until his job required him to go or he was going to be fired. He was fired eventually.

He made his choice; he did not take it seriously. I went with him; and he was in a serious crisis, and was totally vocal in his plans to harm people, even me, right in front of the counselor. In addition, he decided to isolate himself more and more. I know that was not my plan to be in such a tense unhealthy relationship; and to go to with him to counseling out of concern, and in some ways, a validation of logic to make someone who was illogical at the time was downright absurd in hindsight, but an attempt at survival at the time. It didn't work; however, after that session, I never went back, and only looked forward.

Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.
You are absolutely correct. If God was here then this thread would never have started, much less be an issue. So my hope is my observation will bring His presence where it is need. Also, I was unaware that making an observation and suggestion was preaching. But if that's what it is, I'm glad I got the opportunity to do so. By your commenting, you brought this thread right back to "current" so it can be seen more readily by others. So I thank you greatly. I think that I struck such a nerve that you had to condemn my "preaching" means you were the one the message was meant for. I find it funny that we say "Thank God" when we pass exams, pass NCLEX, or get the dream job. And when we want something we "Pray for God's help" like He will magically change everything just like that. Then we confine Him to "just there, just now" and forget Him the rest of the time. I feel that if we strove to have Him more a part of our lives, then the rest would fall into place. Anyways, that's my take and opinion. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, doesn't mean we have to approve of each others. We just have to respect others may not feel or think the same way. That said, I'm not trying to offend you. Merely responding in kind. If I did offend you, then please except my apology, and I hope you have a pleasant day.

It is comments, in particular the second sentence, that alienate those who do not live in a black and white world.

My parents were married for religious reasons and were divorced after 14 painful years. My in-laws married against religious expectations (one Catholic and one Lutheran) and have been married for over 42 years.

While I do not believe in a "personal" God per se, one that determines who wins the football game, makes the rain stop on my wedding day, or somehow has interpersonal play in each individual life, I do believe in a presence that gives us the tools we need to succeed. God teaches us compassion, patience, love, integrity, respect, tolerance, and many other lessons vital to maintaining a marriage.

For me, and I am sure many others, a personal "prayerful" relationship with God may wax and wane during the years, but the concepts instilled in us remain. This is why perhaps many of us don't cite God as a "hallelujah" praise every time we run into a roadblock or have a nice day.

My marriage is successful because I communicate, respect, love, and find peace in my marriage and my husband does the same. We are on two different spiritual paths at the moment, but both understand the values taught by lessons. My previous relationships failed, not because I lacked God, but because I lacked insight into myself and my own needs.

I take responsibility for my actions, and do not blame any outcomes on God.

Tait

It is comments, in particular the second sentence, that alienate those who do not live in a black and white world.

My parents were married for religious reasons and were divorced after 14 painful years. My in-laws married against religious expectations (one Catholic and one Lutheran) and have been married for over 42 years.

While I do not believe in a "personal" God per se, one that determines who wins the football game, makes the rain stop on my wedding day, or somehow has interpersonal play in each individual life, I do believe in a presence that gives us the tools we need to succeed. God teaches us compassion, patience, love, integrity, respect, tolerance, and many other lessons vital to maintaining a marriage.

For me, and I am sure many others, a personal "prayerful" relationship with God may wax and wane during the years, but the concepts instilled in us remain. This is why perhaps many of us don't cite God as a "hallelujah" praise every time we run into a roadblock or have a nice day.

My marriage is successful because I communicate, respect, love, and find peace in my marriage and my husband does the same. We are on two different spiritual paths at the moment, but both understand the values taught by lessons. My previous relationships failed, not because I lacked God, but because I lacked insight into myself and my own needs.

I take responsibility for my actions, and do not blame any outcomes on God.

Tait

I have to say I agree with you greatly, but with a few variations in personal understanding. I feel that living in today's world (2013) that on the contrary, religion is in the gray and not strictly black and white. So I agree with you and didn't mean to alienate anyone. One thing I don't want to do is turn this into a religious debate on who's religion is right vs who's is wrong. Because like you I have family that married from different beliefs (uncle catholic, aunt nazarine). They too have been happily married for 35+ years. One comic I heard several years ago (though secular in nature) wasn't entirely wrong. He said, "We as a people argue way to much on where the message came from. Was is Buddha, Mohamed, or Christ??? What we should worry about is.... Did you get the message!!!" So I'm not saying (nor did I say) that any religion is correct, but that GOD is important. You said, "God teaches us compassion, patience, love, integrity, respect, tolerance, and many other lessons vital to maintaining a marriage." Which is exactly what I'm saying. What you also said was by using those tools you have a successful marriage. Again, fantastic. We are on the same page, just a different paragraph (as my RN instructor would say haha). To conclude, I don't blame God for any of my actions either, I can't because He gave me free will and they were my choices. I too am responsible for my own actions and take full responsibility for them, here and one day in Heaven.

@mac7421 & @tait Thank you so much for your input. This is a really good conversation about the role/debate of spirituality and relationships. However, I'd like to bring it back to my question on hand:

WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE NURSING PROFESSION THAT BREAKS UP MARRIAGES? WHY ARE THE DIVORCE RATES SO HIGH AMONG NURSES?

Because you yell at me

:blackeye:

Because you yell at me

:blackeye:

LOL. Of course I'm going to yell at you. You have a senile ostrich (or whatever that is) as your profile pic. ;)

Specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.

OP, the divorce rates are high, period. It is now hovering at around 50-60%, so I'm not sure why you think nurses especially have high divorce rates. The entire nation, as a whole, is getting divorced more frequently. I will say this, though, I do notice that nurses as a whole get married a lot younger than most of the population, and that may play a contributing factor to what you may perceive as a higher divorce rate.

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