Twas the Night before JCAHO...

[MQ Edna]

I think I've finally lost it...

Twas the Night Before JCAHO and all through the place

Staff tried to remember to "PASS" and to "RACE"

The employee files were reviewed with care

In hopes that all 6000 papers were there.

The patients were sparkling and tucked in their beds

With neatly fluffed pillowed placed under their heads.

The nurses were writing, as busy as bees

Charting Oral care, Toenail Care, Plan of Care, Pee!

The doors all few open; with faces quite grim

Six people with business suits, clipboard and pen

Filed purposely forward to the nurses' station!

One picked up a Coke can: "TYPE I VIOLATION!"

They rummaged through cabinets, Pyxis and shelves

More industrious than old Santa Claus' elves!

They ripped through supply carts until they perspired.

"Did you know that your toilet paper is expired?"

They went to the patient rooms! "How do you think

I can reach the call light if I fall at the sink?"

They talked to the patient in 12 with DT's

Who thought that the nurses were all giant fleas.

The Hemorrhoid pt's site ID went fine

Til they asked him to reach his own rectum to sign.

Then they asked for a demo of evacuation

Of a 400 lb. man from the 19th floor station.

"Are your salt packets new? Is your pepper too old?

Are your cold dishes hot or your hot dishes cold?

Did your cordon bleu chef train in Europe a year?

And what would you do if your pt. wants beer?"

Code pink and code orange, code black and code blue!

Code yellow and purple and mulberry too!

They hopped on the Hippa and pounced on the Pain!

Talked of cultural needs til the staff wracked their brains!

"That confused, naked man who is roaming the hall...

You can't restrain him, but he's risking a fall!"

"And your Plan of Care doesn't address body image

For that 90 year old there whose nose has a blemish!"

"Are you licensed and certified? Tested? Assessed?

Competencied and religiously blessed?"

"Are IV tubes labeled? Name bracelets applied?

Are allergies tattooed both front and backside?"

At last they all smiled and said, "We are DONE!

And we've only found two hundred seven type One's!

But we'll be back soon to see all is perfection.

In the meantime we leave you with greatest affection."

Twas the night AFTER JCAHO; the staff all collapsed

And drank Margaritas in a bubble bath!

(Just get me through next week...) 

[Merry1]

Tres` Bien! Have you thought of writting more in your spare time? Opps, spare time, LOL. I would love to get a glimps of your nursing notes:)!

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

Thanks for sharing----I'll pass along to our management staff. JCAHO will be here in February.

[KRVRN, BSN, RN]

Hey, I was at the sink the night before JCAHO (when they COULD conceivably show up on my shift) and out of nowhere and for no apparent reason the room thermometer popped off the wall and the glass tube fell out and broke.

Turns out it's a JCAHO requirement in the NICU to have a thermometer visible and the shift lead had to high tail it down to Wal Mart before they closed to buy another one.

Of all the YEARS that thermometer has been there, it picked THAT night to fall and break.

[psychonurse]

In corrections we have the same thing but it is called the NCCHC accrediation and it is the same way. We are great and we know it but when the accreditors decide to come in and inspect its like we don't know how to run the place. Like we didn't have enough documentation of man-downs (inmates having seziures or insulin reactions) so the last day that the visitors were here a guy fell off his chair and started into seizing in the medical waiting room :chuckle

[Cascadians]

Fantastic! Cheers!!

At our hospital, for the 3 JCAHO Hells days, all the pts (for confidentiality reasons) were listed on the board by first name only. Nobody had a clue who anybody was. Considering that each shift was ordered endless "musical beds" and a pt was never where you left them, this added to abundant confusion. Of course everybody on the floor was double or triple William, Mary, Johnathan, Patricia, and Thomas.

The minute they left the building the board was erased and reverted ... management solved this by remodeling and putting the board way back in the staff room not easily visible :chuckle

[Cascadians]

At our current SNF they hired a pre-audit consultant who said we had to be more diligent about the female chin whiskers

[MQ Edna]

Hi! Sorry to bring this thread to the front again, but I wanted to update you! We're nearly through, and the responses to my earlier thread about "crazy JCAHO questions" were remarkably accurate:

1. Yes, they DID pay an after-hours visit to some of our facilities.

2. They DID ask if a patient could reach the call light if he fell on the bathroom floor.

3. But most important, they were VERY supportive of nursing and other departments overall, and they emphatically stated that it was NOT the job of nursing to police physicians on things like signing off verbal orders, histories and physicals on charts, etc. So JCAHO CAN be sane!

Now, if I can make it through tomorrow, I get my margarita in the bubble bath!

(BTW: it was really interesting when my poem surfaced in my facility as this thing they downloaded from the web! :imbar I work with secret Allnureses!:kiss )

[jerbear6]

I really enjoyed your poem. Its really amazing how much we stress over an inspection that the hospital pays to have them come. I think it is also so amazing some of the rules they come up with. Someone in JACHO has too much free time and needs to spend more time working in the facilities they inspect to see how unrealistic some of the rules are.

Your poem is a great tension reliever!!!!!!!