Talking Dirty

garciadiego · May 8, 2008

Thanks for all your replies

I really prefer to remain anonymous in this situation, so I think I may just leave a typed message to the Head Nurse or HR about the kind of talk that is sometimes heard at the nurses station and that some of the staff are uncomfortable with it.

Peace.

PiPhi2004 · May 8, 2008

I guess I just dont see what the big deal is? If it's done in private conversation and not in front of people then just leave the situation. How is this really hurting you? And I agree with not running to tattle, first of all, you wont be in good light with your fellow co-workers, which could make your job heck on earth, second, it will just make things worse for everyone involved. If you dont like it, get up, and walk away. If its in front of people it shouldnt be, then talk to them about it but jeesh, dont get anyone fired over a few small comments. Give me a break!

RN1980 · May 8, 2008

exactly piphi2004. you nailed it. but we are nurses and we hold ourselves to higher standards than the pope...and besides when you come to work it should be 100% about patient care and bedpans 100% of the time. gees look at me, now i sound like sometype of admin or hr bean countin yes sir/yes maam stooge....

SchnauzersRock · May 8, 2008

What makes everyone so sure that the offending parties would lose their jobs? Case in point: A few months ago, a unit clerk was called a vulgar name questioning his sexual orientation to his face by a co-worker, with plenty of people around to hear it. Did this incident make it to HR? You bet it did. Did anything happen to the offending party? Nope. Just say "I'm sorry", and all was well. :uhoh3: Sarcasm off now.

jessiern, BSN, RN · May 8, 2008

I guess I just dont see what the big deal is? If it's done in private conversation and not in front of people then just leave the situation. How is this really hurting you? And I agree with not running to tattle, first of all, you wont be in good light with your fellow co-workers, which could make your job heck on earth, second, it will just make things worse for everyone involved. If you dont like it, get up, and walk away.

But what if the converstations are taking place in common areas, like nurses station, or breakroom. These areas are used by most of the staff, and everyone should feel comfortable in these areas. If he is offended by the converstation in the nurses station or the breakroom, then he has a right to complain. He deserves to use those areas at much as other nurses, and should not have to be subjected to their offensive behavior to do so.

kristenncrn · May 8, 2008

Here's another perspective....

When I worked at IBM, a group of guys used to bring Media up on the computers in the break room. Every single day.

Should I have just walked away and ignored it?

If it were a group of men talking about the breast size of the female residents or something else that is overtly personal, is that okay? As long as it was in semi-private?

I still don't think going to management and naming names is the best bet - but I personally do see the point and the problem.

If you are in a common area, where other people can hear, ya gotta keep it relatively clean. You just do.

And there can't really be a double standard (like it's okay, say, for a middle aged woman to say something suggestive to a young resident, but it isn't okay for a 18 year old male tech to say something suggestive to a middle aged woman. And at least on MY floor, I've seen that happen. A lot.)

miko014 · May 8, 2008

I can see why that makes you uncomfortable...I mean, with kindergartners getting kicked out of school for harrassment, we do seem to be very sensitive to this subject as a society. I have some female coworkers who make a lot of X-rated jokes/comments, but me being "one of them", it doesn't really bother me. However, I can see how unprofessional it would look if they were overheard!!!!!

I would make a note to your manager - with YOUR name on it, but not the offending parties, and just say that you are going to try to handle it on your own, but you just wanted to have something in your file about the problem before you said anything, just in case.

And if you address the issue like, "hey, guys, come on. You are going to get me into trouble with this kind of talk! Please don't talk like that when I'm here, okay?", they will probably understand. And then change the subject. That should be all it takes.

Also, we did have a social worker and a CNA disciplined because she would rub his shoulders all the time...we all rub each others shoulders now and again, but her behavior was way more than a "friendly pat", if you get my drift! He was reprimanded for not putting a stop to it (and he was about 10 yrs older than her).

Good luck!!!!!

PMHNP10 · May 8, 2008

I didn't know where to post this. Sorry if I am in the wrong forum.
I have a healthy active hetero sex life. I work with mostly women as a nurse on a Med Surg floor. When we are slow the nurse sit around the nurses station chatting and the chat inevitably turns to sex. I don't know why but I become uncomfortable and embarrased when I over hear young women talking about their sex lives, their sex practices and their sex humor. I try to go some where else on the unit when there is sex talk and I am not about to tell them to stop.
Does any one have any witty one liners that might stop all this dirty talk? Or anything else that might lessen it.

wow...no-win situation

I absolutely would not participate, listen, or even be present when inappropriate conversation pops up. I hate to say this, but as a guy, I'd ignore it. When it comes to s.h., males fight an uphill battle--if you talk to them about their behavior (which is the kind thing), you leave yourself open to accusations; if you go to mgmt., strictly speaking you have done the correct thing, but those individuals could have their careers ruined--is it really that bad enough to report them which could result in them getting fired?; on the other hand, if mgmt. turns their head (which I have experienced) once again it could come back to haunt you

yuck

jessiern, BSN, RN · May 8, 2008

I know I posted one before, but I was addressing another point, so now I will give my "advice".

Someone comment about a "well place TMI". When things get a little hot to handle for you, just be upfront. Say something like "come on girls, mixed company present" in a good humor. Chances are they aren't trying to make you uncomfortable, but nursing is a woman's world, and they probably forget you are there. I know my coworkers (and myself) have been guilty of that. My poor husband tells me after work from time to time that we "made him blush". Chances are, that is not their intentions. So, just be honest.

DudeNurseRN · May 8, 2008

I personally would use you influence to try to influence the other people. You don't necessarily have to go the whole nine yards and use "I" statements ("When you about your intimate lives at work, I feel uncomfortable."), but you could try manuevers like sticking your fingers in your ears and saying something like "LALALALALA, I don't want to hear this!". Sure it makes a scene, sure it might make some people laugh, but you'd be suprised at how many people think twice before they start talking like that again. Obviously you know these people better than anyone else, and you have an idea at the back of your mind on what you'd have to do to take an effect. I personally have seen people use overdramatics (with a HINT of shame, it's an art), and redirection with a fair amount of success. Things like:

"WHAT in THE? What in the WORLD are you guys talking about?! Son of a... geez, do WE have THAT much time on our hands?" And then asking one of the nurses to help you with a boost in the other room, thereby redirecting to the work aspect of the job.

But a difficult situation none the less. I hope that you are able to get the safe and comfortable work environment that you and everyone else deserves, and that this sitation resolves much easier than you thought it would.

czyja, MSN, RN · May 8, 2008

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Someone comment about a "well place TMI". When things get a little hot to handle for you, just be upfront. Say something like "come on girls, mixed company present" in a good humor. Chances are they aren't trying to make you uncomfortable, but nursing is a woman's world, and they probably forget you are there.

I agree with Jessie here.

If your coworkers don't get the message after the above intervention then tell them directly "I am uncomfortable when you have conversations of a sexual nature. Please stop." Document this by writing down dates, times, what you said and who was there.

If this doesn't work, then go to you mgr or hr, following your workplace's sexual harassment policy.

If you do not feel comfortable confronting people in person, then an anonymous note to your mgr or hr is better than nothing.

I do however disagree with Jessie's last point. It may be that the women "forgot" the OP was there. It may also be that they dont want him there - and sexual conversation may be a way of telling him he is unwanted. Before sexual harassment policies were in place did the male docs (or whatever male-dominated job you like) "forget" they had female colleagues and engage in sexual banter? I doubt it.

pagandeva2000, LPN · May 8, 2008

I also believe that the women forgot he was there, or maybe felt that since he is a man, he would be comfortable hearing this. It doesn't make it right, but I have seen this happen, and I have done it myself, unintentionally.

What I am wondering is this; are most men experiencing what they perceive as sexual harassment and we are not being sensitive to their feelings? Or is it that they feel pressured not to say anything about their true feelings because it may make them look 'less than a man' (no offense here, guys)?

My husband told me that he is never friendly with women because they perceive the wrong thing, and because of the climate, he does not wish to be accused of sexual harassment. He answers their questions, is businesslike, but, he barely even smiles at them from what I saw (heck, I didn't even know he was interested in me for some time because of his behavior). He never wants to be caught alone with any woman, and will not even really want two men around a woman alone, if possible.

If there are any males reading this, please share your thoughts on this; are you suspicious when the issue of sexual misconduct such as saying obscene or suggestive behavior? I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me-I am no threat. But, it helps to be more aware to avoid problems.