some cheese with your WHINE? - page 3

I am sooooooo tired of working as the designated incharge RN on my unit, sure I'm a younger nurse compared to some and have gotten positive feedback from everyone about the job I'm doing but its... Read More

  1. by   Brownms46
    Originally posted by kids-r-fun


    I think this is the point Wendy is making, and it has nothing to do with Nurses being over worked and under paid, its about people, who happen to be nurses who make everyone else miserable because they are.
    kids-r-fun...I realize that there are those who will complain about anything ...just to be saying something. But I think some people use complaining as a coping mechansim also. Or maybe they're just burnt out and don't realize it yet. From what I seems to be saying...that nurses are supposed to work their butts off! I didn't agree! But then I recognized my own burn out...and did something about it. Now I only have to deal with bad situations for 13wks...and then I'm gone!

    The rest is just a general response to the thread:

    I have worked hard and have the cards, letters and gifts from those I worked prove that I'm a hard worker...and go the extra mile....without complaining. Last nite I heard from a former was kind enough to tell me what another former co-worker had to say about me. She said she missed working with me...and that I was a good nurse and a joy to work with! I also had a nurse tell me about what the head of the GI dept had to say about me. He said...that HE WISHED I could stay there forever!!

    I once took an assignment...and from the nite I arrived...I was totally pissed about my housing...and my recruiter who was as nasty as she could be! At that moment I decided...I wanted nothing more to do with that agency..and when my 13 weeks were up I was going elsewhere! NO ONE had a clue that I was upset... NO ONE. Not until the end of the assignment when I was asked to extend! Then the supervisor was asking me...why I hadn't said anything before now! The agency tried to make amends...and then decided to allow me to go with another the hospital was pissed at them for not straighting things out sooner! But I had held it all in for 13 weeks ...and it was all I could hang in there...and say nothing! I felt the hospital was the client...and shouldn't know about my problems with the agency! And my recruiter had been a B from day one I arrived...and had made no effort to change...and when I tried to change recruiters the agency wouldn't do it! So it was their lost, and the hospital's lost....BUT I kept my mouth shut! I also kept my commitment...and never missed a day!

    Where I am right now...I have been asked to stay on by almost everyone there! Even though I have been counting the days until I leave! Also have never missed a day...even though I have been through the ringer here! I rest my case...about who isn't a whinner. Just because I see a different view point...doesn't mean I'm in the same boat!

    When I have something to say...I say it to the person...PERIOD! I don't just whine about it to others either! I have no trouble speaking up for myself to anyone
    Last edit by Brownms46 on Jun 6, '02
  2. by   ICUBecky

    i feel that speaking up for yourself and whining are 2 completely different things.

    whining..."my patient's are always messing up the bed." "i am way behind on my meds, because i had to take a road trip." "there are too many call lights going off." "i can't believe they gave me this assignment" "i have to run around too much, my feet hurt" "this pt does this...this pt does that" waah... waah.. waah. so what...they are not the only ones with these problems.

    speaking up for yourself... (to the charge nurse or management) " i don't feel that i will be able to give this new admission the kind of care that he or she deserves, b/c _______________ (fill in the blank). or something to that matter.

    when i am in charge, if a peer speaks up for her/himself, i am able to be more supportive. if they just imply that they can't take something (a new pt for example), through whining (not directly coming out and saying that they feel they aren't able to take a new pt.) it just irritates me. speaking up for oneself, i think, gets more results than whining. not just with me, but with my other "non-whining" peers and even management!!

    your case also proves my point. you didn't complain to your peers about your housing, which is good, because what would they have done. they had no power to change that issue. however, at the end when you told one of the higher ups (supervisor/manangement) your problems, you got some results. and it sounds like you didn't whine, but you stood up for yourself. this is how i took your story. you can shoot me if i am wrong (well...not really, but you know what i mean!)

  3. by   Brownms46
    No Becky I didn't whine...,...but I'm me...and everyone deals with things differently. I truly believe that most nurses came into this field to make a difference. But I have watched nurses being beated down by the weight of having more and more pts added...along with more and more responsiblity. I just don't think nursing has to be as difficult as we sometimes allow it to be. I think many nurses maybe better at being advocates for their pts...than they are at being advocates for themselves!

    What you're talking about Becky is being assertive...and many nurses sadly don't know how to even start in the direction of assertiveness. They complain to their peers many times...because they're afraid of authority figures, and they feel safe talking to those they work with. Some people are scared to rock the boat...others fear lost of their jobs.

    I truly believe....that many times people use complaining as a way to deal with stress. As someone posted...they don't want or expect you to do anything...they just want to feel listened to.

    And as one who has to listen to the constant complaining of pts...who you couldn't please if your life depended on it...I think nurses should be given the same courtesy! Many times we can't change a pts problems either...but we listen. We know they should be talking to their doc....but we also know that most pts are afraid of comforting they give us an earful. And many times a nurse will go to the MD and say this or that...because they know the pt won't. In fact many times the pts will act like he doesn't have a clue as to what you're talking about when the Md asks him about the problem..:chuckle

    I just think nurses...deserve someone to listen also and sometimes a "How can I help...makes all the difference in the world.

    And nooo....not gonna shoot ya...yet..:chuckle
    Last edit by Brownms46 on Jun 6, '02
  4. by   hapeewendy
    I wasnt being nasty to anyone
    including you brown
    I dont know why everything I type on this particular topic is being misinterpreted
    I am not whining
    I am not saying anything other than the fact that I find it disheartening that ppl are so lazy and that they are talking about being so concerned about the potential of being overworked before it even happens....
    why am I bothering with this?
    I give up......
    nothing I write here is full of venom......
    nothing I say or write outside of here is full of venom either
    I am a caring person, that was the intent of my original post
    I find it a shame that patients are viewed as part of a horrible assignment
    am I venomous because I believe that people shouldnt argue over which team is hardest before they even start to take care of their patients?
    I havent knocked any of you ......
    I dont understand this....
    I really need some light shed as to why you believe I'm being hostile brown when I'm not...
    my opinion was that you didnt understand the intention and meaning to my post
    which you say you did
    so thats fine......
    I never said I was annoyed by you brownie
    I said I was annoyed at some of my co workers who have been sitting around griping about the work they need to do instead of doing it....
    many of you have offered some great coping mechanisms and advice and I thank you
    and I really did not mean to sound like I was joining in on the whining....
    my heart is just heavy
    I guess thats the only way I can put it.......
    from now on I will just let my co workers complain about the things they want to and do my own thing
    I guess I was just looking for some support and/or understanding
    I'm sorry
  5. by   hapeewendy
    with this , my final words on the subject

    brownie it would be a shame for you to stop talking to me or writing reponses and giving me great advice based on what you thought was anger
    I am not angry, I have never been angry at anyone on this board and I dont plan to anytime soon....
    but thats your choice
    I may ooze of frustration at times , but I am certainly not a whiner nor am I a hateful spiteful person
    this last week has been brutal
    and hearing people show angst against incredibly sick patients who depend on them for everything , makes me upset.
    when you hear conversations like
    "team three has a trache and an MRSA positive patients"
    "yeah well team four has a psycho geriatric patient and a major wound packing"
    "yeah well I have you all beat, team 2 had a code last night!!!"
    this Is what I heared the other day when I started this post, its fine to talk about traches and psycho geriatrics and codes, but there are real ppl attached to all these things, and that point gets lost on a precious many ppl it seems.
    that was my point ,
    I am only filling in as the incharge/desk RN so its not like I am aiming towards management or anything, my incharge is a very physically ill person and she asked me to fill in, so I did.
    doesnt make me anything other than a bedside nurse who loves her patients.
    I shouldnt even be writing this , I dont want people to get even worse opinions about me than they may have now
  6. by   Stargazer
    Wendy, I think I speak for many people here when I say that I don't see anger or nastiness in your posts, just frustration and exhaustion.

    Having just recently moved from a staff position to a temporary supervisory role, I think you are able to be much more empathetic to the folks who are complaining--you can hardly have forgotten already what it feels like to have a heavy assignment!-- and I have a feeling your more vocal colleagues are sensing that and trying to elicit feelings of guilt in you.

    I'm in a similar position in my current job, having gone from a front-line staff member to a supervisory position---and the amount of protest which greets any policy or documentation change (usually in response to a governmental agency mandate, over which we have little-to-no-control) is astonishing. I am acutely aware of how any policy change I make will affect the nurses' workload, and do everything I can to minimize that impact--all for a job that, 95% of the time, is significantly less stressful than a standard bedside hospital nursing job.

    There ARE difference between (A) someone who needs to vent because they're having a bad shift, and really needs an "attaboy" or other support to get through; (B) someone who is genuinely concerned about the safety of their pts or an unworkable assignment; and (C) someone who has turned chronic complaining into a full-contact sport.

    As someone pointed out upthread, the last variety are the ones who never actually DO anything constructive about the very conditions they can't stop whining about, like joining a steering committee or attending staff meetings. Those are the ones that it's hard to feel sorry for, and I think Wendy is saying that those are the ones she's frustrated with.

    I have to say, this
    team three has a trache and an MRSA positive patients"
    "yeah well team four has a psycho geriatric patient and a major wound packing"
    "yeah well I have you all beat, team 2 had a code last night!!!"
    made me giggle. I think you should pipe in with, "Oh, yeah? Well, back in 'ought-one, when I was on Team 2, we had TWO trachs, 4 MRSAs, a guy on 12 drips, and a 99-year-old on hourly enemas! Never got any of these namby-pamby "bathroom breaks" like you young-un's talk about. We had to walk miles from room to room uphill in the snow, with only cardboard boxes for shoes!"

    Use your best little-old-lady voice. Maybe if they hear how silly they sound, they'll have the grace to be a little embarassed. :imbar
  7. by   donmurray
    Boxes for shoes? Luxury!
    Wendy, Stargazer has the answer, use of humour can sweeten a bitter medicine. It can also tame the whingers, not wishing their behaviour being made fun of.
  8. by   Jenny P
    My goodness! This thread has taken some odd twists so far!
    Wendy, I know you aren't in management, being a charge nurse puts you no where near in control of anything! It's a lot of headaches and hassles and putting up with the pizzing and moaning of the chronic complainers. If you are extremely lucky, when you work charge you can get your co-workers to do their jobs with only minimal complaints by looking them straight in the eyes and agreeing with them that yes, it is a tough assignment, but you thought that THEY were the only ones who could do such a good job with this particular assignment (and then give them a lighter assignment the next day). When I work charge I try to rotate the heavy assignments through the staff so that the same people aren't continually being dumped on. Dealing with the chronic complainers can wear you down, and I have also used humor to deal with these people, much like Stargazer suggested.
    My other thought on this subject is that if your teams ARE really going on about (quote)
    "team three has a trache and an MRSA positive patients"
    "yeah well team four has a psycho geriatric patient and a major wound packing"
    "yeah well I have you all beat, team 2 had a code last night!!!" (unquote); your co-workers and workplace are very bizarre indeed!

    And Brownie, you usually don't complain or whine on this BB. I've never worked with you, so I can't say what you are like in real life; but in reading back through your first post, it doesn't sound like your normal response and I can understand why Wendy thought you hadn't read her post all of the way through.
    originally posted by ninaldunn
    hmmm... i used to be an emt and every time i stepped into the er all i ever heard was whining. i thought - yew - i would never want to be a nurse!

    but i am a nurse and i love my job. where i work, you can tell cheese whine verses drowning in whine. well, here in wisconsin we love cheese. but when someone is drowning we help - why - because tomorrow i may be the one drowning.

    teamwork helps prevent burnout.

    administration is so appreciated when they help the floor. no one expects you to give a bath - everyone knows you have your own work too. but when you're on the skin committee it's nice for you to change a dressing now and then.

    if you have to interview a patient in the morning, you can offer to give her meds while you're in there - maybe her roommate too. it's just one patient out of 20 or 30 or 40 but it's appreciated.

    even really petty stuff like moving chairs or beds or passing/picking up trays now and then. not the whole floor - but 4 would be nice.
    hapeewendy, i think that these suggestions might assist you in feeling like you still can accomplish something for the patients by doing some bedside care while helping-out the staff a little...this might be like killing two birds with one

    i'm not all suggesting that you have no right to vent about the rampant whining going on about potential pt assignments...but perhaps the staff whines about the potential work load due to personal past experience...people generally have a pretty good idea of what their shift will be like...especially if it occurs often enough. i'm not at your hospital facility & don't know how your teams work, but from my own experience, i generally know by report just how my night's going to go prior to starting. i, myself, find having a hard assignment to be challenging, but i find that most nurses are uncomfortable with having them...for various reasons...those that you've stated & others that brownie has stated.

    hapeewendy, please don't be upset with the posters here if they all don't agree with you or missed your original premise. continue to post & perhaps your point will be better taken. besides, there will always be those nurses that will never agree with anything that any supervisor or manager has to say because they're often viewed as being management, the enemy (you know...the us vs. them mentality ). i think that someone had mentioned that there are some nurses who whine/complain but never attain staff meeting for various reasons like not wanting to be punished or loose their jobs...well, why not jot-down those legitimate complaints & bring them-up at those meetings. you can state that: as on consensus, your staff feel_________(fill-in the blanks). just keep your line of communication open to your staff & perhaps you'll be able to assist them with some of the above suggestions & maybe some of the griping will slow down or stop...just maybe.

    i would however, let it be known that constant whining isn't good for work environment morale, patients, or their families; & that continued negative, non-constructive whining won't be tolerated!!!

    :wink2: tell them to come to or any other bbs if they want to vent, whine, or so many of us do!!!
    Last edit by SKM-NURSIEPOOH on Jun 7, '02
  10. by   hapeewendy
    nursie, I am not upset that people disagree with me, I dont post here to get hurrahs and you go girls , I post here to bring up subjects for discussion.
    what upsets me is when ppl get personal, tell me that My posts are angry and venomous, or that I'm on some kind of high horse, or that they are not going to respond to me or write to me anymore because I seem hostile or bitter
    how these ppl can read so much into a post is beyond me, but even after I clarify that I wasnt angry I still get nowhere.
    I DO help out on the floor, the past week I've had patients of my own , and my co workers all appreciate the fact that I am extremely hard working, And I know that we are all busy and overworked, what my point was is that some ppl are losing perspective of the fact that the tasks they complain about having to do are being done for a person!
    I appreciate that we all have different experiences and opinions
    that is why I post here
    but to suggest that my opinion is wrong because I'm a management type, or havent been nursing long enough to feel burnt out just isnt appropriate.
    we all have our beliefs and I'm no different
    tell me you disagree with me, make your points
    but dont get personal and start judging me
    nursie - you always seem to see sides of the stories not seen by others, I appreciate that, and you offer constructive advice and pointers, as did the majority of posters on here
    believe me , I dont post here so that I can change the opinions of everyone to align with my own
  11. by   hoolahan
    nursie, I am not upset that people disagree with me, I dont post here to get hurrahs and you go girls , I post here to bring up subjects for discussion.
    what upsets me is when ppl get personal, tell me that My posts are angry and venomous, or that I'm on some kind of high horse, or that they are not going to respond to me or write to me anymore because I seem hostile or bitter
    how these ppl can read so much into a post is beyond me, but even after I clarify that I wasnt angry I still get nowhere.
    Wendy, you said it yourself, how people interpret posts is always a problem when one's word's cannot be heard, and body language cannot be observed. At one time or another, most people's posts get misinterpreted, sometime's it is innocent, sometimes due to a person's own tunnel vision. Some people have the gift of eloquent communication, and believe me, it is a gift, and some people, like me, sometimes can't even understand my own posts when I re-read them (thank goodness for the edit feature, which if I wasn't so typing-lazy, I would correct my typos with, but I generally am more concerned with my message being understood than spelling.)

    So try not to take it too personally. This has happened to me too, and sometimes it is better to just let it go than to continue to feel like you have to defend yourself. I have noticed personally, that when I come here to whine, there is an occassional poster who always feels the need to educate me about how pt's have needs, I'd feel differently if in their shoes, etc... To be blatantly honest, when I am whining, I just want someone to say basically, "poor me." I am NOT seeking a lecture. Nor am I a chronic whiner at work, far from it, I don't get to work in the office, or on a unit with all my co-workers, and I can't see their assignment, and they can't see mine in home health. So, Heaven forbid I come here and say a patient or a family member is not a nice person, or worse, I usually end up w at least one person giving me a lecture of sorts about empathy, or making a statement such as I have difficulty with change.

    All of this may be true, but I definitely didn't come here and post to hear that! LOL. However, it has humbled me. I guess when that is the only snapshot someone has of me, what I post on a BB, then I either have to decide to take the risk, post as I wish, and tolerate other's opinion's and interpretations of that, or not post. I can't tell you how many times I was going to post, wrote a long entry in the reply box, only to re-read it and change my mind entirely. Sometimes I cut and paste it into a document so I can recall my feelings at a later time, after the "crisis" is over. In fact that is exactly what I did the first time I was going to reply here.

    This is not a lecture to you BTW, just sharing that I understand completely how you feel about your words being misinterpreted, and only to try to play devil's advocate as well. I have felt just like you, and many many times changed my mind about posting my feelings here, because I didn't want to risk being misunderstood.

    The bottom line is, when you post an opinion here, you have to be prepared for whatever type of response you get, good, bad, and ugly, intentionally mean, or innocently mis-interpreted, because communication is usually more than just words. Hope that helps you feel a little better.
  12. by   hapeewendy
    hoolahan you make a lot of sense
    I always try to empathize with my co workers and join in when all of us need support
    I guess I just get tired of a select few not understanding the fact that they have a job to do
    its not everyone
    its not even the majority
    but a few very vocal negative people can bring a whole many others down
  13. by   micro
    first off to the original threader here have the ability and drive to do it, and I for one respect you and anybody that does charge...that is something that I have no desire to do.....

    I have seen many negative comments about management and "the actual ones of us doing the work on the floor".......
    and I have to reread.....because at least where I work and where Wendy works.....being charge is not sitting in a "cush" office somewhere.....

    but instead charge is being entirely responsible for the floor during a particular shift, relying on your nurses and all others "under"(please no disrespect with my use of under here)
    you and usually also having to do patient care, admits, and the majority of the time also having a patient load, let alone trying to assign and judge assignments for the shift.... have posted much good opinions here and as you know I love your postings.....we go way back you and I.....but I have to humbly disagree....

    for the eight hour shift is NOT THE TIME TO p & m about working conditions, patient care acuity(unless something significant and lifethreatening), staffing, etc. ..
    for that shift.....
    it is just the time to count narcs, take report, quick once around on your patients and then begin to do your cares and survive your eight hours......and yes, i know i used the

    negative word of survive eight hours......well this week this has been the nature of the beast.....
    but that is not always the case even in today's very health care world.....
    like last week, I actually knew what the shift change was...hehehe

    We are all in this thing together.....and I for one am slowly becoming more politically micro before becoming micro(chrysalis formation).....had head in sand.......

    but the time for that is not when patients lives are depending on me and other nurses.....and we are getting paid for what we do.........

    if i wanted to move to an area that pays higher than where I am currently, then that is my choice.....(but that is a whole 'nother subject)


    I have no answers, but I know that the drive for me to nurse came from way other than unions, working conditions and $$$.
    Other than the mountain in Tibet that I keep dreamin' of and ______dom', reality is I am a nurse...

    and now micro and out of here.....

    no insult here to anybody,
    in fact kudos to all of us, charge nurses and all,

    what the world need now is for the world to understand what health care and nursing is.....and to care>>>governments, organizations, health care corporations and conglomerates are you listening:angryfire:stone
    Last edit by micro on Jun 7, '02