Sloooowww dowwwwn, chelli...

  1. Well, things are just moving way too fast for me lately! I have to vent, please don't mind my incessant I go:

    Passed boards in late Oct (the 20th), got hired at a seemingly wonderful hospital in late Oct (the 30th), broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 yrs in late Oct(haven't heard from him since a stupid argument he started on the 20th--right after I took boards), lost a dear friend in late Oct (the 25th, she died of smoke inhalation, her house burned--dear God--it is terrible), I am going through a strict and thorough orientation now at the new job, things are just SO crazy for me right now. Lately I am crying in bed at night. I really am overwhelmed right now and I could use a couple good friends (and maybe a lover!) to cheer me up. With so many ups and downs in the last month, I don't know how to act! Did I mention that my bills are piling up to the ceiling???!!! I literally have my first five paychecks (God willing I last at the job that long) spent just on catching up. No living large over here...
    I want to be happy and proud of myself but I am overcome with grief over the loss of my friend, for anyone to pass away prematurely like that is HORRIBLE, I really miss my boyfriend--the last time I called him was the 22nd to let him know that I passed--he didn't even answer his phone--my Mexican-Italian-Irish pride won't allow me try to contact him, period. I have been feeling this strange sensation of dysphagia all the time lately (not looking for med advice, just venting) and terribly dry mouth. I hate that feeling. I just wish that I could fast forward time to a better place in my life. When will these torn heart feelings go away??? My joy and happiness was so short-lived, and while I KNOW that others are surviving much worst scenarios and situations, my heart is TORN UP.
  2. Visit chelli73 profile page

    About chelli73, ADN, RN

    Joined: Jan '03; Posts: 254; Likes: 27
    RN; from US
    Specialty: 11 year(s) of experience


  3. by   Tweety
    First of all here's a cyber hug.......(((((hugs)))))......because you need it.

    It's a tough time you're going through alone, and I really don't know what else to say. Your friend I'm sure would be very happy for you and wants you to succeed at your job. Honor her memory by enjoying your success and creating a good life for yourself.

    Getting through the end of a relations is tough I know......boy do I know........nothing we can do but put one foot in front of the other and get through one day at a time.

    Hang in there.
  4. by   MS._Jen_RN
    I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time right now. Life seems to sometimes just pile things upon us. I'm sure that you can dig your way out. Sounds like maybe you should talk to your MD about the troubles you're having. Possibly could get something to help you through this if needed. Do you have friends or family that you could talk to? Does work have an EAP (employee assistance program)? I wish you they best. Sending happy thoughts for better times you way.
  5. by   mom and nurse
    Hang in there Chelli. Come here to vent anytime. Know that this time will pass....... :icon_hug: Hugs from me to you. A dear friend of mine died right after we'd graduated from the same college in May 2004 and both passed the boards in July 2004. Then in September 2004 right after we'd both started working as RNs, she suddenly passed away from pancreatic cancer. (one week after being diagnosed). She had joined allnurses the summer of 2004. Her name on the allnurses forum was GR8ful. She went through a period of why now? After all she'd gone through to pass nursing school and pass the NCLEX. We both had adopted as well as biological children. We talked a lot that final week by phone and I was there the day before she died.....

    I remember bluesky offered a thread in her honor at this link (before her diagnoses) Gr8ful responded on the second page (next to the last post of the thread):

    It's been two years....and I'm still here. It still'll still hurt for you, but everyday will become easier. It helped to talk to others who had known her also. Perhaps that will help you....

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Last edit by mom and nurse on Nov 4, '06
  6. by   muffie
    positive thoughts for you going through this awfully tough time
  7. by   chelli73
    So sorry that I haven't been here sooner...THANK you for the kind words. mom and nurse, that had to be the most heartwrenching thing for you to experience. My prayers are with you and the families involved. I am just going to put my best foot forward and chin up. I have to be strong right now, for I, like the rest of us have come so far...can't give up now.
  8. by   dekatn
    (((((Chellli)))))) Tweety said it best, one day at a time, it's tough, but you can do it!!!
  9. by   RN007
    Hang in there, Chelli. We're all in this together ...
  10. by   DDRN4me
    ((((( Chelli)))) hope that things start to look better for you. the idea of a counselor or md appt is a good one. also remeber to be good to yourself..even though money is tight you need to treat yourself once in a while.. a new haircut or nails or scrubs..something to say "i value ME" . good thoughts coming your way, and prayers for your friend.