Professional Advice

  1. Hello Everyone,

    First, let me preface by saying that I love the advice given on this site, which is why I hope I can find the answer(s) I'm looking for. I have found myself in a pickle. I'm a new grad nurse (3 months in) and I just finished up orientation. I truly do love the hospital that I am working at and the unit I am on. I believe that they produce great nurses and they have truly done a lot for me. With that being said, a close family member of mine has recently ran into serious health issues. So much so that it has put her out of work. This family member lives two states away and I have been doing my best to help out. I work 3 nightshifts back to back and once done, I hop into my car and drive 5hrs to help out on my off days. Unfortunately, this has become pretty unsustainable for me. At this point, I really don't have a life and sadly my family doesn't have enough money to pay for a CNA or the like to help out. In addition, this family member has a litany of emotional issues. Thankfully, my presence home seems to assuage the emotional issues. As it stands, I have applied and have an interview set up at a hospital in that area where the family member lives. That family member works there and knows the staff, so I'm 90% sure that I am going to get that job. The unit I am applying to has had two job postings for months now that haven't been filled. They literally scheduled my interview before I even turned an application in, so I am fairly confidant that I am going to get the job regardless of my experience.

    More than likely, I am going to have to move to be closer to family and help out with care and finances. Unfortunately I have hit two major road blocks. My unit is hurting right now for staff. Veteran nurses are leaving left and right for various reasons, and I really don't want to add to that strain. In addition, because I had no plans of moving anytime soon, I recently signed a lease for an apartment in the area that I am currently living right now, which still has another 8 months left on it. I guess my question is that I really don't know how to go about putting my notice in if I get this job. I would love nothing more than to give my unit ample notice (4 weeks), but since I am fresh out of orientation, the last thing I would want is for my manager to accept my notice, but tell me I can't work anymore. Sadly, if I'm stuck with this apartment for a while, I'm going to need the funds to pay it off until my next job starts, which could take a while because getting a license in the area I'm moving to is not easy. My question is, should I still give a months notice or just give a two weeks notice to try to accumulate as much money as I can before I possibly make this move? Also, if anyone has any experience in getting out of leases, I would love to hear what you have to say. As I stated, my family is hurting financially right now, so I'm not in a position to pay for this apartment and send money to them as well. Thank you everyone and I hopefully with the shared knowledge and wisdom on this site, I can find the answers I need to hear.
    Last edit by jbrent890 on Jun 13
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    About jbrent890

    Joined: Feb '15; Posts: 53; Likes: 5

    8 Comments

  3. by   NICU Guy
    So, no one else in your family can step up to help this family member? You are just starting out in your career and will be causing chaos in your life to make the move. You are looking at the ease of getting a job at the new location as a positive. Is there a reason why the positions were open for months without being filled (nurses don't want the position)? You are leaving a hospital and unit that you love and going to a hospital and unit that may have issues.
  4. by   jbrent890
    There are family members that come and go, but that leaves gaps in care. In terms of the hospital, it's not bad per se, but it is an inner city hospital that cares for a low income population. There are 3 magnet level hospitals within 10 minutes of this hospital, so it's hard for this hospital to keep up. I do need to be honest though, there is a large part of me that does want to move because the city I would possibly be moving to has a lot more to offer. Yes, I do love my unit, but I'm not a huge fan of the city I'm currently in. Doesn't really have a lot to offer for someone in my position. Possibly moving would kill two birds with one stone. One, I get to be near family and provide care to the specific family member. Two, I would have somewhat more of a life in the new city since it has more to offer. Yes, I would be transitioning to a less equipped hospital, but I do feel the trade off might be worth it. Lastly, I apologize for being vague in my posts regarding specific information. I don't want to run the risk of a coworker possibly seeing this post because they do know my situation to some extent.
  5. by   mimibrown
    Since you left out a few details, I'll give my opinion on what I would do. I would stick with my current job for at least 6 months to a year. You have no idea of what the new hospital would be like or what your new coworkers would be like. You don't have a ton of experience and you could potentially wind up on an undesirable unit without a lot of options to leave. I would not leave a good unit this early in my career. And unless your family member is a nurse, they might not be aware of unit politics, dynamics, etc that effect the nursing staff.

    I also think financially you would be better off staying put. From what I know about leases, they are considered a contract. If you breach the terms of the contract, usually there is a financially penalty. Given the financial issues you and your family currently face, it seems like the opposite of what is the most sensible.

    It is admirable to want to help family, but I would try to get to a more secure place myself before I overhauled my whole life to be someone's care taker. You didn't say if they were going to need help indefinitely or if they have children or in-laws who could help in a pinch. Maybe there are a few more options to consider. Just my two cents.
    Last edit by mimibrown on Jun 13 : Reason: Punctuation
  6. by   jbrent890
    I really do appreciate the advice so far. Let me first say that serious decisions have not been made yet. And the decision to move will be contingent on multiple things. First, would be the ability for me to get out of my lease. If it proves to be an arduous task or if I would have to pay an inordinate amount of fees, then you're right, the smart move would be to stick it out. In addition, if I do get the job, I wouldn't be able to start for a few months. Getting a license in the area I plan to move to will take a while, possibly months. Also, if I do decide to move, I would have to give my apartment complex two months notice. So when it's all said and done, I would have around 6 months experience in. The plan if the new hospital would allow it would be to make the move towards the end of August possibly early September. Hopefully if I do decide to move, it will give me enough time to untangle myself from things where I am currently at. Also, the family member is a nurse, so she knows the unit manager and has told me what to expect if I decide to work there. I won't lie, a large part of me wants to make this move not just for the family member, but for me as well. As stated, I love my unit, but I'm not too fond of the area I'm currently in right now. Even though my life is busy bouncing back and forth between areas, I truly do have more of a life in the area where my family is situated. But still, no serious decisions will be made until I find out if it's economically feasible to get out of my lease. The point is to aid my family, not be a burden.
    Last edit by jbrent890 on Jun 13 : Reason: Grammar
  7. by   KelRN215
    If you can find someone who is looking for a short term lease, you can sublet your apartment. When I bought my house, I still had 3 months left on my lease. My management company sublet it for me.

    If your family member has severe health issues which have put her out of work, though, presumably she can qualify for some sort of disability and Medicare or Medicaid, which would likely cover the cost of the in home services she needs. I don't necessarily think you should uproot your whole life when there are other options. Basically working full-time to care for your family member on top of working full time as a new grad nurse is going to wear you out.
  8. by   brownbook
    I am being sarcastic....why don't you drop everything, all your needs, wants, plans, desires, dreams, every time a family member needs you. I can see your future and this will be a never ending saga for you.

    It is just something to think about. Moving to help your family may be the right decision for you. We don't know you, we don't know your family. Family is important.


    In some cultures the worst thing you can say about someone is, "They act like they have no family", meaning they are not helping their family when they have the resources to help. I think that is a nice sentiment....but there is also a bit of enabling that goes along with that.

    Enabling is not a therapeutic way to help anyone.
  9. by   NICU Guy
    Getting out of the lease because of a move to another city, plus family health issues may be possible. The worst case scenario is paying the remainder of the lease. If you inform your landlord of your move out date, you will have to continue to pay the rent each month for the remainder of the lease. If they can find a new renter for your apartment, your lease will be terminated at that point.
  10. by   llg
    It sounds to me like you really want to make the move, it's just a matter of timing. How much help does your family member really need right now and are them some other resources you can mobilize temporarily while you wait for the right time to make the move? Also, how much obligation do you really have toward this family member vs. how much are you using her troubles as an "excuse" to move? Most people would feel a greater obligation for someone like your mother ... as opposed to a distant cousin, for example.

    It's probably too complicated to explain your whole situation here (and it's none of our business), but you might want to think about your obligation here -- and whether or not it is to offer temporary help -- or whether you feel you are obligated and/or ready to help and support this person forever. Because stepping in big time now may be setting you up to be her "go to" person for the rest of her life.

    I have 2 brothers: 1 older and 1 younger. The older one has made poor financial decisions all his life and always needed help from our parents. Before they died, they "had a talk" with me about limiting my sense of obligations to help him after they died. They reminded me that they had given help for years and advised me to not deplete my own resources by giving him mine that he would only squander. It's been hard sometimes, to know that I have the finances to help him and his now grown kids have a better life -- and not send money. But I know by watching this play out over decades that much of any money I would send would be squandered.

    On the other hand ... my younger brother has managed his money well and raised wonderful kids who are also sensible with their money. Unfortunately, due to no fault of their own, the money they had saved for college is gone. Rather than watch them face huge college expenses, I have offered to help them out a bit. I thought it through very carefully. Theirs is a specific temporary financial need that I can help with and not the result of a lifetime of bad decisions -- and will not result in a lifetime of dependence on me. (unlike the situation with my older brother) So I feel differently about this situation.

    Have you really thought through the long term implications of your involvement? Are you tailoring your involvement so that you don't regret it later? Are you committing to a lifetime of caring for this relative? Or is just a temporary need that you are going to help her meet? Are you OK with that level of commitment, etc.?

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