Need some help here.... - page 2

1. 
   Jan 8, '03

   Joined: Jan '03; Posts: 1,998; Likes: 6

   From what you wrote, the issue as I read it is: she is not eating because she does not want to gain weight and "fill out."
   What does that say? I'm reading that she does not want to fill out, because then she knows the boys will begin hassling her. She then sees herself becoming a sex-object, with all the unwelcome attention that brings with it. With thinness, the boys will move on to more "filled out" girls.
   I see it as a problem with body image. And a problem with the transition from girl-to - woman. It is a control issue. She wants to remain in control of her life, free of the unwanted advances of teenage boys.
   And anorexia is usually about control. If she could receive direction that a woman can fill out and maintain control, I think it would help.
   
   As far as the weight is concerned, I was 15 and weighed 103 #'s. I was 5'8' tall. Everyone called me a beanpole. From age 12 on, I slept on my stomach at night because I didn't want my breasts to develop. I had an older sister who was "filled out", and her life revolved around boys and "passes". She developed early, around 12. I did not envy her.
   I was lucky, my parents never criticised or made anything of my awkward appearance. I was a bookworm and athletic and a loner at that age. By 18, I had "developed" from the "awkward stage" as my mother so patiently referred to it for six years, LOL, and turned into a rather attractive "swan."
   
   I have always been grateful for those years, to learn who I was, unencumbered by the attentions of hormone raging boys.
   And, when I married, I married a geek, bookwormish, ugly duckling who has aged very attractively.
   I think I am trying to say that not all of us are Britney Spears lookalikes. Mother Nature just needs more time on some of us.
2. 
   Jan 9, '03

   Occupation: R.N. Specialty: 27 year(s) of experience in cardiac, diabetes, OB/GYN ; Joined: Feb '02; Posts: 1,947; Likes: 418

   Pretty scary..But, if the problem is anorexia, which is about control issues, I would suppose it would be difficult to get this girl into counseling....Sounds serious from the habits described..Hope all goes well. I would think focusing on someone who is thin as you described but with good habits would be as disturbing as focusing on a healthy over weight person..(over whose weight?)
   As much as my husband and I try not to even make appearance an issue, and actually teach our kids not to judge a person or group soley on appearance, our 5 year old daughter just told me she was fat...To her I posed the question, why do you feel that way and also, why would that be a bad thing? She didn't know...
3. 
   Jan 9, '03

   Occupation: psych R.N. Joined: Dec '02; Posts: 44

   From one who worked in an eating disorder facility for a couple years my advice is it's a family issue and they need to seek counselling from an eating disorder specialist ASAP.
4. 
   Jan 9, '03

   Joined: May '01; Posts: 2,979; Likes: 7

   I hope she gets the help, if she needs it.
   
   I have to say, though, that I am the same height and weigh a couple of pounds less than she does, and I'm 26. I wouldn't characterize myself as extremely underweight. But then I don't have an eating disorder, either.
   
   Good luck to her.
5. 
   Jan 9, '03

   Occupation: Nurse Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 651; Likes: 3

   Keep her away from coffee and liquorice, check her pockets after she "eats" and keep her entertained with company after every meal.

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