Need advice with work situation

[hollyberry678]

Hi, I posted previously about an aide that had one night shift pointed her finger in my face and was yelling at me (eyes narrowed, ect). I had gone to my and her mgr about this, I was so upset and about to quit. They assured me they "would take care of it on their end". They told me that I was being too sensitive, and needed to "be a leader" (to make a long story short), they told me that I should stay thre and work through it, as this type of thing would be anywhere. I told them I was so upset and wanted to work on whatever I could to improve myself in whatever way, and wanted to go to counseling over this to learn my piece and how to "work through it".

I a relatively new in my role, and worked on this station for 4 or so years prior to becoming an RN at the desk and on the floor, so in some respects the transition has been rough. The floor I work on is intermediate care, but really is critical care.

I had been lucky in the sense that for the past 4 weeks or so, I have been able to avoid this aide by her being a sitter, or assgned in another area of the floor. The past two nights she has worked where I work. Last night she walked past me as I was looking at kardexs and said, "any of your pt's need weights?", in a gruff tone, that's it, nothing more. I said yes, they all do. Later she asked if my admit got weighed, then walked away before I could respons. then she said the chg was looking for me, but because I was looking for the nurse for a pt (whose call light I responded to) who was vomiting, I didnt "jump to it" and she was shaking her head (not knowing what I was doing) and that whole demeanor, because I didnt act on what she said immediately.

LAst night, she said (again in a rough voice) "anything your pt's need?" (as she is walking) I said they all need weights, and one needed a blood sugar.

I asked the aide that was sitting next to one pts room for turnng and incontinence help. This pt needs a cervical colloar on when up as he has a cervical abcess. I dont leave for a break, and I do all my own pt care, basically. So I didnt seek out my aide to help, I just dont want to deal with it!! Can anyone understand??

She also burst in on a pts room i was in and said "where is so and so's inhaler?I'm like, in his bin...(she barked this at me...not, he is requesting it, but WHERE IS SO AND SO'S INHALER!!!!!

Anyway, the two of them got him up without the cevical collar, and I went in the room, and said, he needs the cervcal colloar on. She said to me "you are supposed to tell me this I am your aide"(in a loud, disrespectful way).

Then later she was telling the charge nurse I didnt tell her this...

I realized that I need something to change! Yes That sould have been communicated, yes, but she intimidates me, gives me looks, ect, I dont even want to be around her!!

I went to HR today and told them about this, I cant work around this! Please comment!

[RN1989]

YOU ARE THE NURSE!! Chant this mantra to yourself until you believe it and get a set of cajones - "I am the nurse, I am the nurse, I am the nurse"!

When you get report, make up a sheet with weights, blood sugars, diets, activity, foleys, diapers, baths, and any special needs such as c-collars and give it to the aide as soon as you are done with report. Tell her that this is how you will be assuring that she gets the info needed to care for the patients. (make a copy and keep one for yourself, make sure they are dated). Let her know that you will inform her if anything changes during the shift.

When she gives you crap or does not proceed to do her job as you the RN have delegated to her....write her up! You are responsible for her work. If she screws up, the BON will be breathing down YOUR neck. Stope letting her get away with this.

You are an RN now, stop acting like an unlicensed person!

PS - they are right, this is everywhere, you have to change yourself, you won't be able to change the world.

[CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN]

Excellent advice!

[CorgiMom]

Yes, you are the RN. So, you need to remain professional. Don't react defensively. Just be assertive and firm. As the previous poster mentioned, provide her with a plan at the beginning of the shift so she knows your expectations and the orders regarding care requirements for each patient. I once worked with a seasoned CNA who behaved this way with me. She usually worked with a new grad that she could boss around. I was an experienced RN that she could not bully. I stood my ground with her. We never had a warm and fuzzy relationship but she knew she couldn't get by with the same things with me as she did with the new grad. Good luck with your growth as a professional RN. You will get there.

[hollyberry678]

Hi, thanks for your help, it is sorely needed. I am really questioning my ability to contnue to work on this unit. I really feel let down with myself for not communicating the minimum to this person. I am truly AFRAID to approach her. After her berating me with the finger pointing in my face that night, I have not wanted to be near her at all. and she 'barks' loudly at me, minimally. I keep wondering why thats accepted. But usually, unless you are at the receiving end, you can think 'oh, thats just Susie (or whatever name)', and laugh about it.

Is this workplace intimidation? I can't seem to approach her. I did previously, the night she did the finger-pointing, prior to that happening, and asked if we needed to talk. She said "no' "what problem?', ect. She is not reasonable...

Mgt didnt seem to think it was a big deal. I asked her mgr later (after the finger pointing) if I could be assured of this not happening again, and she stated 'i have talked with so-and-so and she assures me she will behave in a professional manner'.

So its probably me that can't deal...by avoiding her. I cant approach someone who is that hateful to me. I wish I could. I need to find another job.

[Scooter5]

If you don't learn how to handle this person, this same situation will happen again somewhere else. There are difficult people everywhere. Someone had an excellent suggestion of making up a sheet with info you need and giving it to her and keeping a copy for yourself. Practice what you will say to her in the mirror, so when you talk to her it will just roll off your tongue. YOU CAN DO THIS!! Don't let her dictate where you will work. Given a bit of time, she will move on and harass someone else. They usually do once they find out they can't intimidate you.

Good Luck!! You can do it!

[hollyberry678]

Thanks Scooter. Maybe for the next time. I just CANT deal with her. I have the feeling of being assaulted and then having to deal with the person, thats how i feel. And she gossips about me, she now I know will look for any excuse to complain about me...I dont want to deal with it.

I wish I could find another job quickly. there are no open positions currently at this place of employment, I wil have to jump ship to another facility, and that may take awhile.

I am really disappointed that mgt. didnt take this concern more seriously. Or is this a minor thing? To me, I cant function with this...I just cant deal with the street thug mentality...when I am caring for critical patients.

[RN1989]

If you don't stop this here and now, you will jump from job to job because you didn't face your fear and deal with it.

Bullying and CNAs trying to be nurses without a licence have been going on forever. I highly doubt that it will stop, even with the new Joint Comm. regs coming on board.

You need to deal with this person. Saying you'll do it the next time it happens at another job is an excuse - you'll just say "I'll do it the next time" at every new job. Stop sounding like an abused wife in a cycle of domestic violence. Deal with this issue or get out of nursing.

This crap is everywhere and you can't run from it. Once you make a stand and it still isn't fixed, then you can consider leaving. But until you handle it - you are the one letting this idiot do this to you.

[chenoaspirit, ASN, RN]

I went through the same thing with 2 different CNA's. I let the first one get away with it over and over because I was exactly like you, then that set an example for the second one to do the same thing to me. One yelled at me, even when I WAS APOLOGIZING for something I didnt even do (trying to make the situation bearable). One night I even cried after being belittled in front of staff and patients by her. I was literally trying to do my job and hers....it was like I was HER aide. Finally, I MADE myself stand up to them. It was hard to do, because I felt like you do, I still do at times. But I kept saying over and over to myself that I AM THE NURSE, and I cant do this anymore. It was one of the hardest things Ive done, but it paid off in the end. It made things worse at first because it was like a power struggle, but it didnt take long at all for them to realize that the game was over. It is true that if you allow yourself to be a victim, you will be a victim wherever you are. Its time to take a stand for yourself. I am betting at one time you were in a situation that made you feel inferior and those feelings stuck with you thru the years. That is what happened to me and its hard to get past it, especially during situations like these. Good luck to you. PM me if you want to talk.

[MIA-RN]

It sounds to me like she did get spoken to, and is now taking it out on you. She is playing the 'Im just the aid" card when it came to the collar; she surely knew the pt needed it if she'd been providing care to him before.

The way she walks past you and asks things quick I interpret as her way of doing the bare minimum of what she was likely told to do.

Her attitude really sucks and I am sorry you have to deal with someone like this.

Yelling at you about the inhaler...well, again, she wants to be seen as 'better' than you. It sounds like a power struggle. She got called on the carpet by management, she now wants to take it out on you. So she will do the bare minimum to do her job, and at the same time try to make you look bad.

I would really try to talk with her, scary thought as it might be. When she tries to breeze past you, instead of saying "yes patient abc needs this or that" say "Actually, I need to speak with you before we start our work" And then try to get her to listen to you, preferably with someone else around to verify what you said, because chances are, this aide will spin what you say and try to use it against you.

Be clear and concise.

"I feel that you are angry at me."

Use "I" and not "you" and give her the chance to respond. If she says she is not angry, upset, whatever...well, you have it from the horse's mouth and with a witness. The next time she gives you grief, well, they may term that insubordination....

You might get the chance to air things out a bit.

"Im really sorry that you feel that way. Is there any chance we can just start fresh with a clean slate?"

If she says yes, then take her at face value. Be nice, smile, say hi when you pass her in the hallway. Thank her for all she does for you when she does it and at the end of her shift.

Many of the negative feelings a person feels in the workplace have a root in insecurity. Perhaps she feels that you are more valued than she is.

If she says no, you can't start fresh, then you can ask her what suggestions she has for at least allowing teamwork while on the floor.

Again, you have someone else listening.

If it all ends badly, document what you tried to do, what you each said, and go to management.

You can only do so much.

ALso, something someone (a tech I know) told me once is that if you continually do all your own patient care without assigning it...sometimes a tech will feel like you think they are no good, or too dumb, or whatever. Its like you do it because you think you are better than they are.

You can say something like "Mrs Jones really seems to like you, would you mind doing her bath today?"

Or "You do (whatever) so quickly! It would take me forever to get it done that fast. Do you have any tricks to share on how I can do it better, like you?"

yeah, sure it sounds like you are buttering her up, but you are also proving to her in word and deed that you value her. And that should go a long way to help as well.

Gosh, this is long winded! I'll stop now. Good luck! :)

[loricatus]

If you don't stop this here and now, you will jump from job to job because you didn't face your fear and deal with it.

Bullying and CNAs trying to be nurses without a licence have been going on forever. I highly doubt that it will stop, even with the new Joint Comm. regs coming on board.

You need to deal with this person. Saying you'll do it the next time it happens at another job is an excuse - you'll just say "I'll do it the next time" at every new job. Stop sounding like an abused wife in a cycle of domestic violence. Deal with this issue or get out of nursing.

This crap is everywhere and you can't run from it. Once you make a stand and it still isn't fixed, then you can consider leaving. But until you handle it - you are the one letting this idiot do this to you.

I agree with RN1989. You are permitting this to happen to you by your behavior . You have to be assertive and make it clear that you will not tolerate such behavior from anyone, even a supervisor.

If someone were to wag a finger in my face I probably would have taken a bite or grabbed her hand and tell her if she was ever to do that again... When she just walks by and says something, make her stop and talk to you rather than cowering down. When she said you were supposed to tell her sonmething about a patient, why didn't you say something back to her about her behavior and disinterest in wanting information on the patients?

I am sorry to say that you seem to be equally responsible for this continuining situation. You really can't run from this because it will follow you wherever you go. I think this is what management and HR are trying to have you realize. You have to learn to be a leader and not look to others to fight your battles for you.