It made me think...How do they cope? - page 2

I just had two 12 hr nites, and had a pt. who is staying with me still. She is a single mom, who has been given the dx of Breast CA...2yrs of chemo, and bil mastectomy, she has now been dx with CA... Read More

  1. by   Brownms46
    Thank you Cheerful...

    I don't know if I can approach her with some of the things you spoke about...not just yet. The nite she heard about the dx...she wanted to give up....right then and there...and not go for tx. The next day...she was ready to talk tx, and I just can't talk to her ...not just yet about preparing for her death. Maybe it's just my not being able to deal with it...but I just don't feel I can talk with her about this now. Maybe I will leave that to others with more knowledge than me.

    But your suggestions about the tapes is an excellent one! And the part about family sooo on the money! I would have never thought about something like that! And yes you're right I do need to pray about my invovlement with this pt. I had thought about giving her my number...but I will pray about this first.

    The person who pm'd me...gave me this site... And I'm very grateful to them for it! Shows me that there are so really wonderful people out there... And I know there are many of those people right here on this BB...
    Last edit by Brownms46 on Aug 16, '02
  2. by   Brownms46
    Originally posted by ohbet
    It makes you wonder where God is amongst all the suffering.Just sharing my thoughts.
    ohbet...thank you for sharing, and I can understand your feelings. I think we all wonder...why these things happen to good people. But I know God is there...and maybe crying too...because of all the sadness in the world. And I know that miracles do take place....and that sometimes...struggles happen to bring us closer to him. But it doesn't make it any easier to deal with....when we see such sadness...
  3. by   micro

    Yours is the heart that cares......I have been there also......and still let myself get there also....but not as often.......
    usually when this happens.....I just shed some tears for the patient when driving home and listening to music and thinking or trying to think good thoughts........

    Where is God? Oops, other thread..........

    Love to browns and to all on this thread.....
    keep up the caring and seeing behind the dx and the pt #
    for to be on the other side of the rail is a whole other situation
    than where we are.........

  4. by   Brownms46
    Thank you micro.....I'm struggling here...and I appreciate your supportive words of comfort, and understanding. I feel guilty...for even asking for help to deal with this situation...because I'm not the one...who is really struggling! But I feel lost...and just can't seem to think straight in this matter!

    It's been a long time...since I have felt this way about a pt...or maybe a long time...since I have let my guard down long enough to be affected! The tears come readily...but they come because I scares me...that this could have/or might be me! Maybe my own mortality is the reason I have been so affected by this pt. Maybe I need to examine my reasons for wanting to help. I don't want to do anything out of some selfish need to quench my own fears....but because this woman truly in is need of help.
  5. by   Glad2behere

    Tribute to you, when I need a nurse I hope you're it.

    There is always someone who has it much more difficult and hopeless than our own particular situation...and it incessantly and continuously breaks my heart that we take so many things for granted. I will always be

  6. by   fulwood
    Brownsrn, Hello from a fellow Arizonan. Just wanted to say I think you are going above and beyond the call of duty and you're a gem for showing such care and concern over this patient. I think you are doing as much as you can and even more - I think getting in touch with Social Services would be huge help for this lady and her kids. Your kind words and gestures will mean a lot to her. Has she tried to reach out to some friends? I have been depressed lately and it was difficult for me to let my friends know BUT they have all been wonderful and are showing huge amount of concern for me. There just comes a time you have to let folks know you can't manage by yourself and ask for the help. I will go on google and if I find any information out will email you that info to pass on to the lady. I am terribly sorry to hear about her breast cancer. My best friend died 2 months ago at age 38 of breast cancer.
  7. by   Brownms46
    Hi Glad2behere..

    Thank you so much for your very sweet words... But I sincerely hope you will never have a need for my care or anyone else's! I pray you will always be in health....and that in the far distance future yours will be a one that goes into sweet pain...just release from a life well spent...

    But you are right about too many times we take too much for granted. I need to remember, and rejoice everytime I awake in my right mind. Everytime I can move and walk on my own, feed and clothe myself. Speak, and hear what is spoken, and see the person I speak to. Everytime I go a day without having to take medications I can't afford. Everytime I can pay a bill, and not wonder how I will pay the others I owe. Everytime I can hug my daughter, and rejoice that she wasn't taken from me. That she is full of joy, and love of life, and has the God given ability to love all.

    Everytime I don't have to worry about a colostomy, or urostomy bag. Everytime I can drive myself where I'm want to go, or take a breath of air, without the need for oxygen, or inhalers.

    I should rejoice because the dx of Sarcoidosis...didn't take my life as the MDs stated back in 1977! I praise God...that I'm still here, and relatively sx free...more than 20yrs later....and didn't lose my life within I was told. Yes "I" have a lot to be thankful for! But YES I tend to forget...just how blessed I am!
  8. by   Brownms46
    (((((((((((((fulwood))))))))))....may God bless you, and keep high spirits....and I pray that the depression you feel...will soon be in your past! I think you're soo wonderful to offer to help.... And I welcome anything you may find..! I'm very sorry to hear about your friend...and I'm sure this didn't help your depression at all! My heart goes out to you....the family and love ones of your dear, departed friend.. Thank you for taking the time to share your sorrow....and yourself..
  9. by   live4today
    Brownie......hear is a website for people who grieve. Perhaps you can check it out and see how it might prove beneficial for you, other staff, and possibly the family members of terminal patients you care for. :kiss

    ((((((hugs))))))) :kiss
  10. by   Brownms46
    Hi Renee,

    Just seen the post.... Thank you so much for taking the time to send it..

    I went to work last nite...but fortunately for now....the pt. was d/c'd. I know she will be back for surgery...and hopefully I will be able to spend some time with her. Maybe by that time...her S/O and her family will have got their act together...and become more supportive of her. From what she has told me...this is a big if...but worth praying for..
  11. by   fadingyouth
    in most situations you can still, after discharge, ask for a social service consult. they should be then able to provide that patient with services that they can seek on their own.
    hospice centers also provide counseling service and assistance.
    and as previously suggested, the cancer support groups are great. there is usually a group called hope in any major city.
    good luck and i know that shaking it off is easier said than done.
  12. by   Brownms46
    Thanks fadingyouth...!

    I had no idea...that this was even possible after discharge! I I have said...I'm not thinking straight. This case just seemed to hit home for some reason. I have never even heard of HOPE. What is HOPE??

    I'm hoping to run into her reccomend a referral to the chemo angels, or to find out exactly what was reccomended.

    I worked off my assigned unit last I don't even know if she had any other sites being looked at for CA came up positive yet. Hopefully I will find out more on Monday!

    And you're's very difficult to let go. I was sorry that she had been discharged before I could relay all the good info I have received to her..
  13. by   fadingyouth
    Our family became aware of this project when our dad was in Hospice years ago. There may be another name for it in Arizona but I would think that the Cancer society would be able to lead you in the right direction.
    This is a wrap-around group--that is, it offers support, crisis intervention, transportation, simple assistance with daily grocery shopping etc. We did not need their help as the family pulled together, but I have always been grateful for a benevolent group of caring volunteers.
    Also the Cancer Therapy and Research Institute here is fairly well known nationally. If all else fails you might try to contact them for info. or let me know.