Inappropriate Behavior?

[chesanurse]

Hi! I am new to Allnurses so let me introduce myself. I am an LPN, mom to three perfect (ok, not really but I think so!) children. I work in Pediatrics and its such an awesome job.

Long story short. There is an LPN at a facility that has made horrible comments about me on Facebook. The quickest backstory I can give you is she was in highschool, is my first cousin, was a minor and was sleeping with my husband when I took her in as a runaway.

Fastforward some years later. I divorced the should-be sex offender and life went on.

She and him are now married and they quit their jobs just over a year ago to move here and have largely interfered with the life I single handedly created for the children and I.

She is a whole 24 now. And is in a leadership position at her job. I dont know how she has always managed those types of jobs based on her experience but she has since right out of nursing school. Good for her though!

On top of making my children miserable she also publicly post stuff about me on facebook (inaccurate stuff that is very unflattering) and has even talked about punching someone in the face (albeit she didnt say me, but I get the idea its me).

Due to her deciding my ex husband is paying too much in child support, I now have to work most every day of the week, with a day off about once or twice a month, until the court can get that straight. I applied with the company she now works for (I didnt know she worked there; they quit their jobs in another state and moved here and I didnt know where she worked). I am needing to leave my current job to go somewhere that can pay better. However, I recieved a response from her today offering an interview. I did feel she should have asked another person to respond as she has been asked not to email me, but whatever.

Can I contact the board of nursing to show them all of the comments publicly made about me on facebook? Is it ok to contact her employer to let them know as well? Id love to put an end to her behavior and over the years have not been able to do much about it as legally if she doesnt touch me, theres little you can do.

How would the BON feel about this behavior and is it unethical for me to reach out to her employer?

[macawake, MSN]

Can I contact the board of nursing to show them all of the comments publicly made about me on facebook? Is it ok to contact her employer to let them know as well?

How would the BON feel about this behavior and is it unethical for me to reach out to her employer?

Asking whether it's ethical or not isn't the question I'd ask. To me it's a question of whether it's the smart and appropriate thing to do.

The BON's responsibility is to protect PATIENTS. They are not marital discord referees. I'm hoping you have a good lawyer to assist you in your situation.

Keep your distance; do not engage her in any interactions and follow an attorney's advice. That's the attorney's job to deal with all this crazy, not the BON.

I completely agree with amoLucia's post and also what Sour Lemon wrote. Frankly, the events that you've described sounds like an episode from a tabloid talk show of the more lurid variety. Personally I don't see how what's happened between you, your ex and your relative concerns patients and nursing. I don't see how you could bring this to the BoN's attention without some of the apparent dysfunctionality rubbing off on you as well. Since I don't know all the details of your story, I have no way to judge whether that's fair or not. Sadly many things in life aren't fair and even if you happen to be entirely blameless in all of this, I fear that the optics might not be 100% in your favor. I don't know this for a fact and of course I can't tell you how you should proceed. That choice is entirely yours, I'm just sharing how I perceive this.

On top of making my children miserable...

Is the father of your children fine with his children being made miserable? Personally, that part would bother me much more than whatever his new wife is up to. The children are his flesh and blood and I would expect more from him.

...she also publicly post stuff about me on facebook (inaccurate stuff that is very unflattering) and has even talked about punching someone in the face (albeit she didnt say me, but I get the idea its me).

Id love to put an end to her behavior and over the years have not been able to do much about it as legally if she doesnt touch me, theres little you can do.

Do you know this for a fact? Have you consulted a lawyer or representatives of law enforcement regarding this? I definitely don't know the law of all 50 states and besides it's a moot point, since I can't and won't offer legal advice. However, I wouldn't be surprised, depending on the nature of the stuff she posts, some of it might be in violation of some legal statute or other. If it were me I would try to obtain legal advice from a suitable/reliable source regarding the options available to me.

However, I recieved a response from her today offering an interview. I did feel she should have asked another person to respond as she has been asked not to email me, but whatever.

What do you mean by "but whatever"? Are you seriously considering scheduling an interview with your cousin/ex-husband's new wife? Do you want to work with/for her?

I don't envy you your situation and I hope the whole thing can settle down a bit and that you and your ex can find a way to do what's in the children's best interest. Of course that would require emotional maturity as well as his willing cooperation. I don't know if that's possible for you to get. I hope it is.

Best wishes!

[NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN]

Just one of the many reasons to stay the heck off of FaceBook. Seriously, people didn't worry about this crap before all this social media stuff came about.

If you don't log on, you don't know what she saying about whoever, she wouldn't be getting anything out of writing it because you wouldn't be reacting to it, and it wouldn't affect your life. She wouldn't have the power to upset you.

However, since you have been able to learn that she works at the place you are thinking about interviewing, this would be a good time to NOT interview at that facility.

The BON doesn't care that she's gossiping. I'm sorry that your dealing with this but this isn't high school. You do have the choice not to interact with her, especially on social media.

Telling her employer will not help you, especially as a candidate for a position in their company. As a total stranger it would just make you look spiteful and emotionally unbalanced (seriously, who goes and tells someone's employer that someone is bashing them on social media if it has nothing to do with the employer?).

Your ex was a jerk. She was a jerk. They apparently still are jerks. Unless you need to interact strictly for the kids to see their dad, then there's no need to worry about what they do in their spare time. Don't read what she posts and you won't get upset.

[TruvyNurse]

Don't work with her. Stay away and screen shot those things and tuck them away in a safe place. Wishing you peace

[rn1965, ADN]

Just one of the many reasons to stay the heck off of FaceBook. Seriously, people didn't worry about this crap before all this social media stuff came about.

If you don't log on, you don't know what she saying about whoever, she wouldn't be getting anything out of writing it because you wouldn't be reacting to it, and it wouldn't affect your life. She wouldn't have the power to upset you.

I have to agree with this. Social media is a social plague. Please do not say it is the only way to keep in touch with your distant family and friends. This is just not true.

Do not turn her into the BON, just delete your FB and any other social media accounts. Ignore her, keep all texts and DO NOT respond. Seek legal advice if needed.

Good luck to you. Just keep taking care of your kids and being a great nurse! Also, do not go to work in the same facility. That is just too much drama.

[chesanurse]

I do have a lawyer and I think I will request a cease to desist or ...whatever it is called. It is all stuff she has posted publicly. And she tags my ex husband in this stuff so he sees it all as well. Its been really embarrassing and quite a traumatic experience.

[chesanurse]

I have to agree with this. Social media is a social plague. Please do not say it is the only way to keep in touch with your distant family and friends. This is just not true.

Do not turn her into the BON, just delete your FB and any other social media accounts. Ignore her, keep all texts and DO NOT respond. Seek legal advice if needed.

Good luck to you. Just keep taking care of your kids and being a great nurse! Also, do not go to work in the same facility. That is just too much drama.

Ironically enough, she sent me an invite to interview at her facility from her work email (shes been asked not to email me already). Yeah, I got this. I just feel like as nurses, we should be held to a certain standard. But...thats just me. And I have since taken my facebook down. That helps with the embarrassment part.

[chesanurse]

You know, you are right. My facebook is down so that I dont have to worry about people looking me up online after reading her posts. Well, she isnt long out of high school and that relationship started when she was in HS, which is likely why I am dealing with...high school behavior.