I am stressed out !! And I know why now !!

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Honestly, I do like nursing. I like the OR, I like Post Operative, I enjoyed my peds and psych rotations in school. But I dread work, and I thought I was the only one until now.

Since my second semester of school though I've been wanting out of nursing. I got great grades, love pathophysiology, nursing theory, pharm etc, etc. But as soon as I'd get into a clinical setting I'd get upset and nervous. I'd have trouble recalling things. When my instructor tended to be supportive, I had no problem answering their questions, and using what I learned in nursing school. Put me with a difficult instructor and BLANK, BLANK !! I had a really bad experience my first time in med/surg. My teacher set me up, and the other students started talking behind my back because he would only favor the students who would share negative information. He tried to convince me this was ok but I told him nicely tha I didn't agree with his philosophy. I told him we should learn to helpl eachother and work as a team. There were students in my clinical who had it so easy, easy patients, easy assignments, if they didn't know what they were doing he woudl walk them through it etc etc. If I messed up my first time doing something he would not help me, but he would intimidate me. I remember the first time I ever did a dressing, I brought an extra strile pack. I did not put my forceps in the Garbage, but he said I had. I cheerfully stated I had another pack and he said rudely, "well then we'll be here all day". If he could see me he'd never talk to me, but he'd STARE at me, making me feel uncomfortable. He got people from the hospital to come chat with me at lunch time and stuff, (I would ask them if they knew of nurses who could tutor me in the clinical skills area because my teacher was unable to spend extra time with me) and without me knowing they knew each other he used them at the end when I tried to appeal his decision to fail me. I repeated the course, and my self confidence was shattered !! I have no idea why he did all this, all I know is that since then I've had a really hard time dealing with my fears. I don't feel as if I can trust anyone. I've had lots of wonderful instructors since then who tried to build my confidence, and were willing to put in time to help me instead of watching me drown. But, I didn't get a job with those types of people, and it seems to me, from what I see on the board, that there's more toxic environments rather than positive ones.

Now that I've started my first real nursing job, I feel the same way, the fear and stress are always there. Its like I'm living in a nightmare. I know there have been times and I have been in work/clinical situations where I've really done well and enjoyed myself. Yet there is always this nagging fear that I'm just not cut out or good enough to be in nursing. I posted about what its like working in the OR with older nurses eating their young. I am feeling as if I've aged twice as much in the past 6 years since I started my nursing program, than I ever had before. I'm depressed, I'm feeling financially unstable, beause I feel like any day I'm going to be found out and get fired or one day I just won't be able to continue anymore. I constantly feel like I'm going to die, an then I get frustrated because I'm nto sure but I want to die. I don't know how to handle it when my preceptors are rude to me, and I hear things from the manager, which I never heard from my preceptors/ other coworkers.

After reading all these posts and threads I realized something, its not just me though. I was wondering if there were places I could work, as a nurse with little experience, where the stress levels (at least on a political/coworker level) would be less. I've considered dialysis, doctor's office (very little jobs in vancouver and toronto though and much less pay), community health (need to finsih my degree still) etc..

I've even gone so far as to consider becoming a transcriptionist (working form home if possible), or just a MOA. But I can't really afford to do all that. I'm 30, in debt, no savings or anything. I was waiting to finsih nursing school because I thought at that point I would have a secure income and slowly start building. But now I feel like I've lost.

Please Help.

Specializes in Case Management.

sandalwood nurse,

I feel bad for you and I am glad to hear you already are seeking professional help. It does sound like you are not getting your bang for your buck because there are a lot of issues that you should be discussing and maybe you are not. So, I think you should open up a lot more to get your moneys worth from they psychiatrist. It almost sounds like you have PTSD from what happened in school. I think you should discuss more with him/her. also, I don't know what options you have in canada as opposed to usa. I work in the insurance arena. very low stress. if possible, could you move to the US?

A couple of years experience is all you need to get a desk job in insurance companies, or Dr offices. With your O.R. experience, I would think a plastic surgeons office would be a good place to work. (just brainstorming here) Is community health the same as home care? I would think home care would be a better option as well. I don't know if that other poster was trying to make you feel bad, but please, know that there are people reading your post who feel the same way as you do, and are in the same boat. Perhaps your post has helped them to think about getting help and changing jobs. Keep your chin up, and good luck to you:nurse:

0 Votes

That person WAS being patronizing in her reply. Anyone with a heart could see that you came here upset, was looking for some compassion, someone to listen, and offer their advice in regards to a less stressful area to work. You were not asking for someone to make you feel worse by implying that your problems are trivial and hey, you need to just get over it!

I'm writing to you because I relate to you. Simply.. I've had similar situations, and I possibly foresee myself having the same problem with nursing. I think it's my paranoid nature? Who knows. I even posted something asking for "Less Stressful Areas" (You can maybe look at my old posts)

As I'm not a nurse, I cannot really offer you a place to go. But I genuinely hope that you figure it out. You have a good heart, and you just need to find your niche in the nursing world.

0 Votes

Thank you everyone for your response. My intention was not getting sympathy but some advice as to areas of nursing where I could experience significant less stress. Thank you four your advice and suggestions. I agree community health nursing might be more for me.

I hadn't considered insurance, because I hadn't known about it before. I did consider Occupational health nursing, infection control, pharmac. companies as well as community health, dialysis, and peds. I know peds and dialysis would be stressful in some situations, but its a one patient one nurse ratio, and as for peds I really enjoyed working with the kids and interacting with the parents and helping to care for their children.

There is a lot out there but I need more experience (at least another year). I will definately check out the less stressful nursing jobs post.

Once again, thank you all.

0 Votes
Specializes in OB.
I can't give advice on the professional aspects of your problem, but the emotional concerns me. I really think you should talk to a therapist about how you have been feeling. My sister used to be constantly overwhelmed about a situation she was in that went on for a long time and her therapist helped her see better ways of dealing with it emotionally. I think these issues of self-doubt and traumatic instructors may go deeper than they may seem. I go to a therapist myself so i don't see it as a sign of weakness, just reality really. The second thing is to get into a career, nursing or not, that makes you happy. I hope someone here can shed light in that area for you. Good luck :icon_hug:

talking to someone to help you gain perspective is not a bad idea. Your soul has been insulted and you need to find some peace. FInancial aside, you cant keep going back to a place that hurts..

0 Votes
Specializes in perioperative,IVF,reproductive health/fp.

delite yourself in faithfully feeding in things which possess true substance. remain focused.

0 Votes
Specializes in OB.
I read your post multiple times trying to find every nuance that would give me a clue as to what has got you so upset that you would throw away years of education that you presumably loved away because some coworkers aren't being buddy buddy. It was all about a bad experience in nursing school? Is that what your post said?

Maybe you need a little perspective. I'm 48 years old. I'm feeling pretty stressed too now but here is my situation. I've been a patient care oriented nurse for 25 years. Sometimes I had great coworkers, sometimes they were backstabbing b's. I never got my satisfaction out of how well I did being the social butterfly at work but rather how my patients felt at the end of the day. I can't do patient care any more because I have a herniated discs in my neck that make my dominant arm unreliable to lift with. Sure it probably happened because of 25 years of lifting but I can't prove it so I'm on my own. I switched to a job in Information Systems (which I like a whole lot more than I ever liked patient care) but pays less so that leads to financial strain. Not to mention that these jobs are not a dime a dozen so if I ever lose this job or want to relocate, I may be in a world of hurt.

My 13 year old daughter went for a sports physical last OCtober and had a HR of 130's so we've been back and forth to doctors and found out she needs a cardiac ablation but finding a hospital with an EP lab whose anesthesia department will do it on a 13 year old is proving to be a nightmare. Unless of course I want to pay for it out of pocket. Sure, I have $5,000 laying around to pay for a procedure that should be covered by my insurance but may not because we have to go out of network. Now my ex-husband (my daughter's father) went in to the hospital on Monday and has been diagnosed with inoperable lung and brain cancer. So within 3 months my daughter won't have a father. She's feeling pretty stressed because her daddy won't be there to see her graduate from 8th grade in May let alone share high school, college, marriage, grandchildren, or any of the other things that a girl wants from her dad. I'm feeling pretty much stress because I don't have her father to help me with decisions regarding her treatment.

My last living grandparent died in December. My dog is old and feeble and needs to be put out of his misery but I can't make that decision right now because of everything else. The storm in December took out the power and a huge number of trees which will mean major landscaping expense in the spring to repair damage. I could go on and on.

comparison of I have it worse than you is helpful... how??? everyone has something to deal with and the OP just needed advice on different directions to take.

0 Votes
Specializes in Corrections, neurology, dialysis.

I work in dialysis now, not as a nurse but as a PCT. The nurses in our unit are responsible for all 15 patients, not just one. However, the work is a lot less stressful than medsurg. The downside is it is a long learning curve, and you can lose faith in yourself if you're not willing to feel like you're fumbling for months on end. It gets better but a lot of people quit before they reach the point where they have the hang of it. The up side is, at least in our clinic, you never work nights and you have every Sunday off. There is no lifting and every day is pretty much routine with the occasional surprise thrown in.

As for transcription, I wouldn't recommend it. I was a transcriptionist for years and got out of it because I couldn't make money at it any more. Every year my salary would go down, and the working conditions become more difficult. There are lots of inflated numbers out there - they claim you can make $50,000 a year at it, but I never came close to making that much. Lots of schools will lure you into putting down your money promising you job security and high pay, but that's not how it is. If you decide to go for it, do your homework carefully. It's a great job and I loved it, but there just isn't any money in it.

Otherwise, best of luck to you. I'm struggling in clinicals also but trying to hang in there. But it's nothing compared to what you've been through.

0 Votes

Sandlewood, That's almost my story in my last semester of Nursing School. I had been flying high loving all the learning and pt. care, and progressing quite well. Then the B. swooped in and destroyed ANY confidence I had had.

Now yrs. later I realized that it wasn't/isn't me. The school asked the B. to leave after a few more semesters as her tactics and techniques were not in line with the school's philosophy of educating Nurses. Bye, bye, B.....Well, not exactly.....

Through all the agony I've also learned in the long-haul that the B. taught me well about the venomous politics and the existence of fellow B.'s in the workplace. Not all workplaces, but many.

I'll bet that your turmoil/depression/lack of self-confidence and esteem comes from the fact that you've never encountered mean and nasty people like this in your life. Add to that having to please them to the Nth degree. It's overwhelming to say the very least.

I can almost guarantee that you are one of the kindest, most pleasant, and loving people around. The secret for a kind, decent person is learning how to deal with these B. kinds of personalities. You can't change them so you just have to change your reactions and thoughts toward them.

You mentioned that you have patience...a lot of it. To make a quality career in Nursing you have to add that patience to perseverence.

Talk it over with you Psychiatrist and get the insights you need to make a good decision for yourself. As for me, I'd hate to see you leave Nursing.

0 Votes

Through all the agony I've also learned in the long-haul that the B. taught me well about the venomous politics and the existence of fellow B.'s in the workplace. Not all workplaces, but many.

I'll bet that your turmoil/depression/lack of self-confidence and esteem comes from the fact that you've never encountered mean and nasty people like this in your life. Add to that having to please them to the Nth degree. It's overwhelming to say the very least.

Hi sister, that was a great post. Its interesting because it happened to one of my close friends as well, she was doing great in all her clinicals and then just before consolidation practice she was almost thrown out of school.

Yes we both learned a lot. She told me after that when I used to talk about my experience in second semester that she didnt' understood what I went through until it happened with her. She now works in a spa clinic doing botox injections and laser surgery, which is stressful in its own way (staff they have picked judge you more on looks rather than nursing skills however), but not nearly as stressful as a regular RN job.

And yes Until that semester I was ALWAYS on really great terms with all my teachers and instructors. In university, where there are hundreds sometimes thousand students, my instructors could make time for me and genuinely seemed interested in my success. In almost every work situation I had ever had, in a non nursing position, I have always been on excellent terms with my bosses and coworkers. I have always been respected as a worker and coworker for working hard and having excellent interpersonal skills. In nursing its the total opposite. Its gotten to the point where I have myself been snappy a couple times after I've felt humiliated. In the end I was left feeling even more so because I lost my cool.

Yes patience and pereverence are very important in nursing, and I am not giving up until I try at least a couple different things.

I really miss having peace though. You know you wake up, you go to work, work hard, come home and feel satisfied. Then you go to bed and you don't worry, you just sleep. I haven't had that in years. I feel as if its the never ending tunnel.

0 Votes

WOW! Sandlewood...I know you don't want sympathy...and it is not sympathy that I want to give you...but I sure wish I could reach through my computer screen to give you a hug!! How awful that you should be treated in such a hostile manner. You know...I think that all of us have experienced similar stories...so much for a "caring" profession. It seems to me sometimes that there are more hostile people disguised as nurses then there are supportive people. I can remember wanting to hurl everyday before going into work for the first year and a half of starting my first nursing job because of the seemingly impenetrable cliques on the unit...it felt like there was always some one there to put you down instead of help you. As for suggestions to your problem...1) I'm super-relieved to know that you have sought out counselling support...we all need to be able to talk with objective minds, and I worry for you that you have slumped into a deep hole that others have dug for you...if words can give a glimpse of the person writing them...it seems to me that you are a compassionate type of individual...you need to find the escape-hatch to your hole (it took perseverance to find my own), 2) You write like someone I could imagine working as a counsellor...have you ever thought about becoming a counsellor? There are certifications that you would have to get...but perhaps that would be worth the effort. Listening and talking is a lot easier than working on an acute med/surg ward, and it seems to me that it might suit you, 3) The only thing about community nursing is that it would be more helpful for you to have a couple of years of acute care experience in order to recognize better when things are going wrong with the patients in the community setting, 4) Have you ever thought about working with adolescents? Perhaps working with young women with eating disorders? 5) What about public health...doing vaccines for children all the way to the geriatric population, or perhaps working in an STD clinic where you provide public health services...there are a lot of other places to work that don't involve entering a hospital. What about a travel clinic...I have a couple of nursing friends who split their time talking with really interesting people going here and there at the travel clinics they work at - they administer varying types of vaccines, etc. Or what about working at the UBC health clinic...you could work with students. There are endless possibilities...but I feel like you need to nurture your soul...you need to start believing that you are worth better. And, unfortunately, it has been my experience that there are hostile people everywhere...I have tried to get a stronger shield to all of their negativity...I like to use humour. Anyhow, though I don't know you...I send you positive energy and an internet HUG!! :)

0 Votes
Specializes in Nursing assistant.
My teacher set me up, and the other students started talking behind my back because he would only favor the students who would share negative information. He tried to convince me this was ok but I told him nicely tha I didn't agree with his philosophy. I told him we should learn to helpl eachother and work as a team. .

Are you saying that your instructor encourages gossip and back stabbing? Did the treatment begin when you disagreed with him on that point?

I wasn't sure if I was reading this correctly.

If that is the case, get through school and then look for a job somewhere that emphasizes a culture of teamwork and mutual support. You will never find a perfect situation, but if management takes that approach and enforces that attitude, that is about as good as it can get.

The instructor sounds immature and petty.

In all circumstances, we need to always re-evaluate our actions: is there something in our attitude that is threatening to others, and makes us more the target for others frustrations? Never hesitate to share your opinion, as humble as it may be, but always make sure it is not framed in a way that may be perceived as an attack. I don't think that is what happened here, but I have spoken many times before I have thought out the impact of my approach. And I have lived to regret it and then learn from it!

0 Votes

First of all I am so overwhelmed with all the support from this board. Even though I have come across some bad personalities, I must stay there have been lots of really great nurses I have come across which is why I am still here. I did not get here on my own, for all the things I had to struggle with, there was always either a co-student, or another nurse, or a teacher who would give me hope and inspiration, and try to help my confidence. Second semester when all this was happening with my instructor, I would look to the other nruses (who were supportive and said I did a great job), and think of my other instructors who woudl share their stories and were such an inspiration to me. My patients inspired me too. For this reason I have to owe any success and completion of nursing to them. This is why I got into nursing to begin with because it is supposed to be a "caring" field. You have all demonstrated to be inspiring and uplifting and I woke thi morning feeling happy because I realize now there are many options out there, but I will have to change my mentality and be more persistent in getting to where I want to be.

Albertablue:

Thank you for your post. I have definately considered becoming a counsellor, that was something I thought about before even becoming a nurse. Financial circumstaces were just such that it was cheaper to go for the three year nursing diploma, as well as the fact I have so many family members in the medical field (doctors), that they convinced me nursing would be better for me. I have a feeling they were hoping I would want to go into medicine after (but I never really wanted to be a doctor and becoming a nurse only confirmed that). I do know that UBC does have a masters in counselling and I actually became friends with one (we dont talk about my issues though because as a friend I feel that would be unfair to him when we spend time as friends). Social work was another area I had looked into which is why I have decided to finish my degree now (was going to do it part time but have decided to go almost full time now).

There are so many things I could do even in nursing, but the thing is its not easy to get yoru foot in the door without sufficient experience and/or education. I paid for my OR course. I actually was thinking after getting a year and a half experience I should apply to psych (since I am interested in working in mental health/counselling) or peds (because I love kids). In school I spent a couple days in the child/adolescent psych department. I really enjoyed it. I have a very special place in my heart for kids and even the most difficult of children I would want to help to the best of my abilities. I'm thinking perhaps I should just call the manager and ask them what type of experience or requirments I would need to get into that and start working on that (get some pysch and peds experience and any additional courses I might need to take).

Once again thank you all for your help. Just so you all know, I was nervous last night worrying about my career, but I fell asleep last night without too much trouble. I sometimes stay up for hours worried. Sometimes this is all a person needs, options and suggestions for it to make all the difference in the world :).

WOW! Sandlewood...I know you don't want sympathy...and it is not sympathy that I want to give you...but I sure wish I could reach through my computer screen to give you a hug!! How awful that you should be treated in such a hostile manner. You know...I think that all of us have experienced similar stories...so much for a "caring" profession. It seems to me sometimes that there are more hostile people disguised as nurses then there are supportive people. I can remember wanting to hurl everyday before going into work for the first year and a half of starting my first nursing job because of the seemingly impenetrable cliques on the unit...it felt like there was always some one there to put you down instead of help you. As for suggestions to your problem...1) I'm super-relieved to know that you have sought out counselling support...we all need to be able to talk with objective minds, and I worry for you that you have slumped into a deep hole that others have dug for you...if words can give a glimpse of the person writing them...it seems to me that you are a compassionate type of individual...you need to find the escape-hatch to your hole (it took perseverance to find my own), 2) You write like someone I could imagine working as a counsellor...have you ever thought about becoming a counsellor? There are certifications that you would have to get...but perhaps that would be worth the effort. Listening and talking is a lot easier than working on an acute med/surg ward, and it seems to me that it might suit you, 3) The only thing about community nursing is that it would be more helpful for you to have a couple of years of acute care experience in order to recognize better when things are going wrong with the patients in the community setting, 4) Have you ever thought about working with adolescents? Perhaps working with young women with eating disorders? 5) What about public health...doing vaccines for children all the way to the geriatric population, or perhaps working in an STD clinic where you provide public health services...there are a lot of other places to work that don't involve entering a hospital. What about a travel clinic...I have a couple of nursing friends who split their time talking with really interesting people going here and there at the travel clinics they work at - they administer varying types of vaccines, etc. Or what about working at the UBC health clinic...you could work with students. There are endless possibilities...but I feel like you need to nurture your soul...you need to start believing that you are worth better. And, unfortunately, it has been my experience that there are hostile people everywhere...I have tried to get a stronger shield to all of their negativity...I like to use humour. Anyhow, though I don't know you...I send you positive energy and an internet HUG!! :)
0 Votes
+ Add a Comment