I was the primary caretaker for both my grandparents who both died of cancer within the past 4 years. Grandpa was first, and boy was I frustrated when nobody would give me an answer as to "how long", clear up to the final few months. I know that loved ones can be gone in an instant for many reasons (accidents, heart attacks, etc), but watching someone suffer you want to know how long it's going to last. I wanted ANSWERS. Guess what? Every patient is different and they couldn't give me one. With Grandma I'd been through it before so I was able to relax a little and just enjoy the gift of however many days / months I was given.
Some things to consider:
If you're pretty sure you won't aggressively treat the potentially bad results of a test (cancer, for instance), why do it. It only costs money and is a hassle to the patient. Certain people at certain ages decide it isn't worth the fight any more. That's what both my grandparents decided. They'd lived a good life. They knew they were loved, I knew I was loved. They'd watched many friends go through chemo and radiation and decided it wasn't worth it for them in their situation. Actually, Grandpa did fight fairly aggressively for the first year, but when that wasn't working he finally just said enough was enough.
If your mom is in bad shape, should she really be keeping track of a 2 year old? Please don't be offended, I'm just saying it's something to consider. I have no way of knowing her current health status or your family's situation. If she IS "that bad", she needs to concentrate on her own health. If she ISN'T that bad, don't put the cart before the horse with a cancer 'sentence' until it is inevitable. It may well be nothing to get worked up over. Anomaly's happen, and they aren't all cancer.
Have you considered switching doctors or at least getting a second opinion on the current situation? If it was my mom we'd be finding another doctor to address the fact that she's still really sick and not being treated for it.
I say this with a
because a certain person in my family is notorious for this... again, don't take it personally, it's just something to consider. Don't let a little medical knowledge convince you that you know what's going on (and it's never good, lol). It's tempting, I know. But there's a fine line between being proactive in your health care (or that of loved ones) and jumping to conclusions. I think this particular person in MY family has had every life threatening disease known to man. And it only gets worse, the more medical knowledge they obtain, lol.
You do need to be assertive and make sure that *someone* is paying attention to signs and symptoms, but don't assume it's bad until you're forced to. Take the opportunity to make sure wills are in place and that people's wishes are known (for you and your family as well as your mom and other people). Tell your special people JUST how special they are, every chance you get. One day, you'll run out of opportunities. Make the most of life while you can.
I wish you and your mom and your family all the best. I send you healing white light and prayers for peace, on wafts of cinnamon incense.