am I wrong? - page 3
This is going to be a "longey", so I apologize in advance. I have lots to say. This is in chronological order. I should tell you up-front, that all of these occurences, other than 2, have occured "in... Read More
Jan 26, '03My God! I wouldn't go to her party and I don't even know her personally. I am so glad I never wound up at a hospital like that. I have never had a NM be that terrible! Don't go, just drink a nice glass of wine by yourself in a bubble bath (preferably with a nice looking man) and enjoy the fact that you will never have to work with this woman again.
Jan 26, '03Ignore the whole situation. I wouldn't even give it any more thought or consideration. Don't go and don't discuss it. She is a total bi*ch and doesn't deserve the energy it takes to blink an eye. I agree have a personal celebration, buy yourself something special or do something fun that you haven't done in ages. Call an old friend for coffee, but please don't go to that party.
I'm sorry to hear about your son, I can't imagine how difficult that has been for you. Enjoy your trip to Japan and honoring his memory.
Jan 26, '03we had a charge nurse retire recently who was a very nasty person as well. however several of us did not take her crap, and we are union so we didn't have to. she did not have the "power" of a unit manager . but, oh , how she wanted it. none of us who had worked with her participated in the potluck given for her about two weeks prior to her departure. the manager(who had just come to our unit) arranged it. not her coworkers . as a matter of fact, on her last day of work, we had a b-day party for one of the other nurses, ordered pizza and cake, and did NOT include her. she saw the pizza come and rushed into the breakroom. i walked into the breakroom without saying a word, picked up the pizza and moved it to another area where all the rest of us ate. i felt no guilt at all. i don't think you should go to the party. too bad all your other cowokers can't be no shows too. take care of yourself.
Jan 26, '03I am so sorry that you had to endure all this! Egads! What a horrible, horrible woman!
Do NOT let anyone guilt you...you have every reason to decline!
Jan 26, '03If I were you, I wouldn't go. And I wouldn't let anyone make me feel guilty about it, either. You owe her nothing.
Parties are always optional, even if you LIKE the person.
Jan 26, '03I am going to just echo what everyone else has said and say God Bless you for having put up with this woman's crap and harrasment for so long. You must be a saint or extremely dedicated to your job to have tolerated her for so long!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the party, it's quite a quandry if you ask me. If you do not go, you have sent her the message that you will not miss her and you can celebrate all by yourself, celebrating your freedom from captivity.
On the other hand, my mother has always taught me that the best way to drive someone who dislikes you and has been horrible to you is to kill them with kindness. It gets there goat more than anything because they don't know how to deal with you. You could always go, and offer to propose a toast to her leaving, going on and on about how you hospital "won't be the same without her" (and you won't be lying) and how you truly wish her the best of luck at her new place of employement and hope that she really, really loves it there (and I'm sure that you do, because that means she continues to stay out of her hair). In the end you end up looking like a better person and she looks like a fool for having been so horrible to you and you have been so kind to her (even thought secrectly you know what you really meant by those statement). After you have made the toast you can make your grand exit. That way everyone is happy, you showed up at the party and you got a little dig in at the same time.
That is just my opinion, but in all seriousness you have to do whatever is in your heart. Don't let your co-workders goad you into going if you don't want to. They haven't been through what you have with her.
And for the record. I don't think she was trying to get at that other person through you. I think she was intimidated by you and was dealing with her own insecurites. It sounds as if you were better qualified for the job than she and she probably knew it. She just wasn't mature enough to know how to deal with it and harrasing you was the only way she knew how.
(sorry so lengthy)
Jan 26, '03I wouldn't go, and I would tell a couple of coworkers why. It'll get around right back to her. Why worry about her feelings when she obviously couldn't give a rats ass about yours.
I'm a polite southerner too, born to stuff feelings and be polite. But nursing has squashed those qualities right out of me. Not if I'm to survive.
Jan 26, '03Don't go. While I think it would be really cool if you could pull off giving a really mushy toast in her honor, it wouldn't be worth the stress it would cause you. I agree with LPNtoBSNstudent, just forget about it. Your co-workers can't run your life. Sheesh.
Jan 26, '03WHAT A WITCH! I wouldn't attend the party and would not feel the least bit guilty. Take the day off and celebrate by doing things that you most enjoy. This manager sounds like one that was at my hospital until she finally was canned a couple years ago - staff went around humming to the tune of "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" for days.
Jan 26, '03WHAT A WITCH! I would not go to the party and would not feel the least bit guilty, regardless of what my peers had to say about the situation. Take the day off and celebrate yourself - do some of the things you most enjoy - pamper yourself. This UM sounds like one that was at my hospital until she was finally canned a couple years ago. Her staff went around humming to the tune of "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" for days.
Jan 26, '03First, prayers to you and your family. Second, don't go -- don't chip in for a gift -- don't even sign a card. Don't discuss this with your coworkers -- if they lay on the guilt just walk away. You owe this woman nothing. Less than nothing. The comment about your son's death is unforgiveable. I can't IMAGINE anyone thinking/saying that. Don't you ever ever ever .... waste your time thinking about her again. (She'll be doing a long time in PURGATORY before St. Peter lets her into heaven --- refrase -- IF St. Peter lets her into heaven.)
Jan 26, '03Holy cow.
No - never mind - holy sh*t. (I don't normally swear here, but I was slack-jawed in shock by the end of your post.)
My vote is as above - don't go, don't pitch in on the gift, don't sign the card, don't discuss the issue. If your coworkers give you any grief, Miss Manners recommends a withering stare accompanied by something to the effect of, "If I were inclined to discuss the very good reasons I have for not attending this function, you would _certainly_ understand by the time I was finished." (This leaves them to ponder, and they probably still couldn't come up with this in their wildest imaginationings.)
This woman very clearly has a personality disorder the size of (well - I don't know - think of something REALLY huge - I'm still flummoxed by the whole story.) She deserves not to occupy any more of your time with her toxic self.
Just a side note - I am not a mushy person, but your description of the ceremony performed by your daughter-in-law's father made me tear up. What a beautiful rememberance of your son. People like Eibou must be on this Earth to even out the karmic imbalance we suffer by having people like your beyatch nurse manager sucking up perfectly good oxygen.
Jan 26, '03Ohh what a horrible horrible woman!!
Oh please don't submit to your co-workers calling you 'childish' for not going to the work party. I actually think the suggestion of a 'good riddance' toast is awesome, but in real life I would never ever have the guts to say that. I think it would make you feel very empowered to Scream your frustrations at her and make her feel as bad as what she has made you, BUT then you would be sinking to her level and you are WAY ABOVE THAT!!!
Although i feel it CRUCIAL that the very last time you see her *hopefully* you tell her how her manipulative, *****y, demeaning, UNPROFESSIONAL, nasty, selfish ways are DISGUSTING and she is NO LEADER. Please say this to her as you will respect yourself for standing up to the wicked monster which she clearly is.
When you say this to her please don't indulge her with any nice hello's or any small chat, just march right up to her and say
" (name) I have just come to tell you... and keep talking to you feel better. You will know when you have broken that threshold of anger and you can now start to feel better. Don't get carried away and throw in words like 'bloody' (or is that just Australian?) or 'hate' because YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON THAN THAT!!!!
All my best wishes go out to you!!!
Love Rachel @}-->----------
(who has battled and triumphed a few monsters and feels A LOT better!!)