Funny Things Patients Say Contest | Nurses Week

[Brian S.]

National Nurses Week is all about celebrating nurses and what they do! What better way than remembering why they love their jobs? Share the funniest thing a patient ever said to you in the comments below.

Remember, the funnier it is the more likely you will win $100 Amazon Gift card courtesy of Carson Newman University!

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[vmbennett, BSN]

“I wasn’t using any illegal drugs. It was just weed!!”

[vmbennett, BSN]

We were extubating my really sick Whipple patient. He'd gone through a major surgery, and, when we got him off the ventilator, the respiratory therapist gently reminded him he was in hospital. He replied ,'no s---!

I once had the daughter of one of my patients march up to the nursing station, slam the vitals chart down on the desk, and yell at me, 'How dare you say my mother stinks!'

I'm utterly puzzled by this as no one had said anything of the sort, and I asked the daughter to explain what she meant. She grabs the chart, points to the row of 'BOs' recorded on it, and shouts, 'Here you even had the nerve to write it down!

I explained that 'BO' meant 'Bowels Open' not body odor before escaping to the staff room to laugh my head off.

[vmbennett, BSN]

It was my first patient with a colostomy. He was this old, grumpy man sitting up in bed. I started taking off his bag and it smelled so bad my eyes were watering. I kept telling myself to think about his feelings and to not let anything show on my face. He looked at me and said, 'God, you've got bad breath!'

[silverstreak]

We were repositioning an elderly nursing home resident who tended to be very formal and dismissive. To be as quick and quiet as possible, my petite colleague did not drop the bedside rail on her side, and reached over to pull him up. It was a bad mistake; she flipped over the rail and her upper body landed next to him. Our very dignified resident awoke to see his nurse's wide-faced inches from his own. Mortified, she was silent, dreading his rebuke. Instead, barely missing a beat, he said, "I can't promise you anything, but I'm willing to try if you want me to."

[venacava-x, BSN, RN]

"Meth is my medicine... I take two puffs in morning, it's like a cup of coffee".

[cardiacfreak, ADN]

I was visiting my mother-in-law who has dementia in the nursing home, after the nurse walked away she stated, "I hate that flea-bitten ba$t@rd!"

[Stayce]

Did you forget about me? ?

[peachtreednurse, RN]

When conducting a new patient interview at a busy OB-GYN office, it was our intention to be pleasant and conversational, encouraging a rapport at the outset of what is a very intimate contact and exchange...

During one such visit I reached the question regarding contraceptive use specifically have you and type-method?

I was surprised to hear an enthusiastic "Oh YES of course" and immediately following, the method as, "I locked the bedroom door! "

[Jakehicks773]

On the first day caring for this particular stroke patient and she asked what my last name was after I intruded myself.

I told her and she stopped and thought a moment then offered this comment with the most flat affect...

”your first name is nice, biblical... but your last name is beyond repair”

I just started laughing and thought I might not be able to stop, but I finally was able to say “oh, OK... I’ll let my dad know how you feel”

I cared for this patient several times over her stay at the hospital and she was my most memorable patient in my whole career.

[frenchfroggyAPRN, MSN, LPN, RN, APRN]

I was talking to a patient and his son. While discussing his prostate cancer history, the son pipes up and says “ Dad’s cancer didn’t menastasize “. I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

[John.RN.Miller]

I am a male nurse and I went into a patients room and politely introduced myself and explained I needed to put a cardiac monitor on her. She was OK with this and I put it on her and walked out of the room . I was halfway down the hallway and I heard her screaming. All of the nurse's ran to her room and when I came through the doorway she started yelling at me "Why are you monitoring my titties " It was a long running joke at my expense at work.