Nurse/patient relationship and when it ends

fergus51 · Jun 3, 2004

I don't see what the big deal is really. You're just talking about getting a coffee.

Trauma Columnist · Jun 3, 2004

I agree with Fergus - I think if you are comfortable with this - go for it. Good luck on the new job.

bluesky, BSN, RN · Jun 3, 2004

Me three. If she meets you for coffee and it ends there, it's all good. Just end it there. :)

llg, PhD, RN · Jun 3, 2004

A similar thing happened to me many years ago -- only it was the patient (a neonate) being discharged from the hospital and her mother wanted to buy me lunch. After talking it over with a few people, this is what I did -- which seemed to work out fine.

I had lunch with her in the hospital cafeteria and explained to her that I had to pay for my own lunch in order to comply with professional standards. By meeting her for lunch, I was able to demonstrate my caring for her and put a good closure on our relationship that satisfied her emotional need to have a more "personal" good-bye. However, because it was in the hospital cafeteria and I paid for myself, it kept it within the professional realm and did not give the suggestion that we had a personal relationship outside the hospital.

Is there any way you can similarly manipulate the time, place, etc. of this meeting to help keep it within the appropriate professional boundaries?

llg

kathy_79 · Jun 3, 2004

i agree with you, Ilg. find neutral place around hospital and just go for a coffee with her, but if she goes over just talk to her kindly that you are concern about her health and you hope everything will go fine with her. but do not go over the limits. it is just cup of coffee and should be done like that. you both are mature human being so you should talk it out to solve the problem. just i would never go out from safe, neutral area like Ilg says, it does not look that you have some connection and it is much easy to talk about the problem because none of you want to argue in front of others.

normal, matutre decision need to be done.

or if you want to have some relation with her, just wait till you are done working there and she is discharged, so nobody else will have any problems with that.

good luck, kate

laurasc · Jun 4, 2004

Are you all saying it would be okay to meet with her? I guess it would have to be after I quit and start my new job.

I don't work in a hospital but in a family practice clinic, so there's really no "neutral" place for us to meet. Maybe a coffee shop or something like that.

I don't know, I'll have to think about this one a bit. She's a nice old lady and her husband is also very nice but a lot more quiet. I don't think she means anything except saying "thank you" but there's still that nagging doubt that she might want something more.

Besides, I've always been taught that we shouldn't allow our nurse/patient relationships to get personal because as nurses we are in a position of authority and it can get sticky.

Thanks for your advice.

llg, PhD, RN · Jun 4, 2004

Perhaps you could take someone with you to meet with her -- a colleague prepared to support you if needed -- someone who could back you up if she were to ask you something that you wanted to say "no" to.

If you can't think of a compromise that might work for you, then perhaps it is better to simply back out of the situation and not meet with her. If you haven't actually set up a time and place yet, I would consider writing her a nice little note saying that you will be unable to meet with her due to other committments in your personal and professional life. Wish her well, tell her you were happy to have her as a patient, etc. and put some closure on the relationship for her. If she writes back, you don't have to respond.

Good luck,

llg

gypsyatheart · Jun 4, 2004

Well, do you want to meet with her? Or are you totally uncomfortable with the idea and really do not want to have anything to do with her outside of work and the "nurse/patient" relationship? I think it really depends on how you feel about her. I have become friends and have been close to many patients over the years. Nothing ever "crossed the line" so to speak, but there is nothing wrong in developing a friendship with a patient. Follow your heart...and go from there.

Agnus · Jun 4, 2004

If you really are uncomfortable then bow out. Call or better yet send a brief note and express your regrets. You do not need to give an excuse but if you must simply say you are not available due to personal commitments and be firm. (that is why I suggest the note she can't boo hoo you if you write a note and do not respond to any further contact that she may make.

You are correct it could be nothing and then it could be more.

I had a patient (and to beat the band, her mother was a nurse and should have known better) who expected and insisted on a personal relationship after I left a job. I did not want it, did not have time for it. Yet her (nurse) mother not only wanted me to be personal friends with the patient but insisted as well, and supported the daughter in trying to get me to agree to it. She (the mom) tried to lay a guilt trip on me.

So yes I agreed and they never saw or heard from me again. I was never a "friend' this was my job which was over.

On the other hand there are patient familys with whom I still have social contact. However, these relationships eventually out live their usefulness and I just basically faded from the scene over time.