Why do we do this to ourselves?

Coffee Nurse, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2009

Yes, I work at the hospital full time, and no, I'm staying at Starbucks for as long as it's feasible because I enjoy my coworkers and because, like I said, it's such a low-stress place to work compared to the NICU. I love my nursing job, but I need a place to relax, where I don't have to be constantly worried about something going wrong.

LovePurple · Apr 27, 2009

Yes, I work at the hospital full time, and no, I'm staying at Starbucks for as long as it's feasible because I enjoy my coworkers and because, like I said, it's such a low-stress place to work compared to the NICU. I love my nursing job, but I need a place to relax, where I don't have to be constantly worried about something going wrong.

how do you have time to work both jobs? even if it's one day/wk at the other.. how do you keep up with it (although it does sound like it's your relaxing time)

Coffee Nurse, BSN, RN · Apr 27, 2009

Well, for one thing, I'm single; for another, I'm living in a relatively new city, so I don't have much of what you might call a social life outside of work. So far, it's been working out such that I usually work six days a week -- three 12-hour shifts at the hospital, and then maybe four-hour shifts at Starbucks on the other days.

LovePurple · Apr 27, 2009

Well, for one thing, I'm single; for another, I'm living in a relatively new city, so I don't have much of what you might call a social life outside of work. So far, it's been working out such that I usually work six days a week -- three 12-hour shifts at the hospital, and then maybe four-hour shifts at Starbucks on the other days.

that's awesome! My new goal is to become a workaholic so I can do something like that =) Really, I admire you for that! Sounds like you've got it all together!

FromNH2VAwherenext · Apr 28, 2009

I think we do this to ourselves because we're forced into it, honestly. As a "new grad" who has been through the ringer already (can you say job hopper?!) -- 1 RN job lasted 65 days; the next "grad extern" job could have been better, but the ******* on the floor I was at and the Nurse Manager were already making it a difficult environment even before I started work as a nurse. A main reason for the "hopping", and one I've been highlighting in cover letters is that I missed my family and support system "back East." It's hard enough being a new grad in a familiar environment, nevermind a strange city!!

Anyway, now I'm back home and I can't get a job at any of the local hospitals... the teaching hospital is no longer taking new grads -- their internships are all full; the community hospitals all want experienced RNs for part-time or per diem... SOooo I have been looking for "alternative" nursing positions throughout New England... all of the ones I've seen so far that seem interesting (clinic RN, triage RN, Case Manager, pt educator, etc. require 2-5 years of floor experience. We're forced to do the med/surg thing -- it's a catch-22 we're all facing... guess I should learn to suck it up. I've been applying everywhere, even LTCs (which I thought I'd never do).

I sure am glad I can VENT to / with ya'll!! :bugeyes:

renu47 · Apr 28, 2009

You are absolutely right there is nothing or no one more important than your family. As wife and mother if you are not happy they suffer also. Find a position that fits your lifestyle. Our work/careers can interuppt our lives. It is unfortunate in our field the wolves eat the young. As a new grad protect your heart. Some will take advantage of your lack of experience but keep your head up. You made it throught school and now your licensed which means you are competent. What is great about nursing it is very flexible. Choose, flex, part time, baylor night shift, 8 12 hour shifts. Sounds like you have a young family, my advice don't work nights for the first three years of your career. Days will give you a good foundation of how your institution operates. (Who's who) It will allow your husband to get to understand your career as you have your discussion in the evening. It will also allow you to think clearly while you learn and obtain your skills. Nights will allow you to become more independent. You will be up to this task after a couple of years of experience. Don't be to hard on yourself when you make and error, as long as it is not a fatal error there is a great lesson to be learned. The great lesson is that you will never make that error again. Dont faint, you will get a reward.

ImMrBill3, RN · Apr 28, 2009

I just want to say to the OP I think you are the kind of person nursing needs. I hope you find a way of making it work for you. I think talking to the management where you work might be an idea. They go through quite a bit of trouble and expense to hire a nurse. I'd bet they don't want to lose you, if they know what you are going through they may be willing and able to help.

NewTiredRN · Apr 28, 2009

I am almost relieved to have found this thread because I feel the same way. Why do we subject ourselves to this abuse? I get that this is a "female" profession so that automatically means its abusive but that doesnt make it right. I am a new grad and feel like I dont recognize myself anymore. I am tired ALL the time. I don't have a social life. I don't sleep. I dont see my husband. I am alone on almost all my days off and when Im at work Im running like crazy. Doctors snapping at you, NAs snapping at you, higher ups wanting more from you when youve given everything you can give. I have been working for about 9 months now and I am honestly beginning to wonder if I am cut out for nursing. The first 4 months were ok. And I keep trying to tell myself its just the first year, but over the last few months Ive become depressed. The sleeping issues, the lonliness, the stress levels....all of it is worse. Everyone tells you they are there to help you-keep asking questions....but when you do they tell you need to figure it out on your own-find ways to cope. It is such a abusive profession-and I dont know that Im THAT tough.

The sad thing is those who have been in nursing for a long time know its abusive. and when you tell them that its wearing you down and you feel depressed...they say well everyone on this floor is depressed-were all taking one drug or another for it....

Thats not ok and Id like to know why senior nurses say that-how they justify what happens to nurses on a daily basis. And I dont want to rely on some pill to feel happy. I dont want to give up happiness for this.

god-is-love · Apr 28, 2009

hello newtiredrn, :cry:

i feel depressed just listening to a person in the same field i plan on entering not to mention almost the same age hate their profession. it is very sad that this profession is taking years away from you. i read these posts everyday & it seems like this forum is the only escape.

i am just curious, has any1 heard of any lawsuits at their facility? where are the managers? this may be a dumb question, but are all hospitals un-unionized? has anyone considered doing other areas of nursing ex. school, insurance companies ect.)? would this be a good question to ask in my interviews: is ur hospital known for hazing new grads?

senior/ manager nurses & md's i know u read these forums, justify your actions or at least try to justify the reasons behind this unethical treatment of new grads (stop being cowards). isn't this job hard enough? why should nurses have to come to work drugged up in order to get the courage to come to work.

LovePurple · Apr 28, 2009

I am almost relieved to have found this thread because I feel the same way. Why do we subject ourselves to this abuse? I get that this is a "female" profession so that automatically means its abusive but that doesnt make it right. I am a new grad and feel like I dont recognize myself anymore. I am tired ALL the time. I don't have a social life. I don't sleep. I dont see my husband. I am alone on almost all my days off and when Im at work Im running like crazy. Doctors snapping at you, NAs snapping at you, higher ups wanting more from you when youve given everything you can give. I have been working for about 9 months now and I am honestly beginning to wonder if I am cut out for nursing. The first 4 months were ok. And I keep trying to tell myself its just the first year, but over the last few months Ive become depressed. The sleeping issues, the lonliness, the stress levels....all of it is worse. Everyone tells you they are there to help you-keep asking questions....but when you do they tell you need to figure it out on your own-find ways to cope. It is such a abusive profession-and I dont know that Im THAT tough.
The sad thing is those who have been in nursing for a long time know its abusive. and when you tell them that its wearing you down and you feel depressed...they say well everyone on this floor is depressed-were all taking one drug or another for it....
Thats not ok and Id like to know why senior nurses say that-how they justify what happens to nurses on a daily basis. And I dont want to rely on some pill to feel happy. I dont want to give up happiness for this.

amen to that! Everyone taking a pill for it and being able to cope does NOT make it okay. It's pretty bad when I like all my $7/hr jobs in retail at the mall better than I do making over $20/hr working 3 days/wk. I just think there's more to life than money and although I'm starting a new job and hoping for the best... I refuse to let it change who I am as a person or not allow me to enjoy my life! I'm too blessed with a wonderful family! I would hate to not be happy enough with myself and give them a terrible version of me when I AM home.

acupuncturenurse · Apr 28, 2009

I, too am a new grad RN but I spent the last ten years working as an acupuncturist and a teacher. I can't seem to get hired at a hospital and I am beginning to wonder what I am doing wrong in the interview process.....As an acupuncturist, I got every job I interviewed for--- I have not changed my "style"--I am open and friendly yet formal in formal settings. It is making me crazy and destroying my confidence. To make matters worse, I currently live in the Bay Area, where there is absolutely no work - though I have been interviewing in So Cal and out of state as well. Noone wants me. Ouch.

Coffee Nurse, BSN, RN · Apr 28, 2009

I am almost relieved to have found this thread because I feel the same way. Why do we subject ourselves to this abuse? I get that this is a "female" profession so that automatically means its abusive but that doesnt make it right. I am a new grad and feel like I dont recognize myself anymore. I am tired ALL the time. I don't have a social life. I don't sleep. I dont see my husband. I am alone on almost all my days off and when Im at work Im running like crazy. Doctors snapping at you, NAs snapping at you, higher ups wanting more from you when youve given everything you can give. I have been working for about 9 months now and I am honestly beginning to wonder if I am cut out for nursing. The first 4 months were ok. And I keep trying to tell myself its just the first year, but over the last few months Ive become depressed. The sleeping issues, the lonliness, the stress levels....all of it is worse. Everyone tells you they are there to help you-keep asking questions....but when you do they tell you need to figure it out on your own-find ways to cope. It is such a abusive profession-and I dont know that Im THAT tough.
The sad thing is those who have been in nursing for a long time know its abusive. and when you tell them that its wearing you down and you feel depressed...they say well everyone on this floor is depressed-were all taking one drug or another for it....
Thats not ok and Id like to know why senior nurses say that-how they justify what happens to nurses on a daily basis. And I dont want to rely on some pill to feel happy. I dont want to give up happiness for this.

Um. Frankly, it sounds like you're working in a terrible unit. Of course being a new grad is hard, but you shouldn't have to put up with actual abuse, constantly, from your coworkers. I work in critical care, which obviously can be stressful, but all the nurses in my unit love their jobs, and I highly doubt that it's because they're all on happy pills.

You need to make some sort of change, because the status quo is obviously not working for you. Can you switch shifts, days that you're working, to be more compatible with your husband's or friends' schedules? If that doesn't work, you might need to move on, either from your unit or from nursing entirely (but I would really encourage you not to think that the entire field is like what you've experienced so far).

Good luck. Sorry you're in a tough situation.