I finally Cracked...

[Adam D. RN2005]

Yeah, I admit it, the stress got to me today. It started off with the weather, snow. Got to work 22 minutes late. Then I had a heavy pt load, 4 Total cares and 3 moderate cares. No tech. I didn't finish my 10 am meds until three. I actually was able to catch myself up.

But towards the end of the shift I started to feel my emotional supports beginning to collapse under the stress.Then at 19 hundred, with four charts to go and getting ready for report, the final support buckelled under the weight of the stress and the tears just came.

My co-workers took over my transcriptions as one nurse of the coming on shift just took me to a quiet room to cry and calm me down.

I feel emotionally spent after this shift, physically exhausted. I am amazed that I was able to hold it together for so long. But many of my co-workers asked why I didn't ask for help.

Pride. When I finally left work, I was just glad. My biggest fear is a new depression cycle. I am very suseptable to them as well as major anxiety. I guess I can safely say my anti anxiety drug works, because it helpped avoid the major emotional meltdown. Where this was just a feeling of being completely overwhelmed.

I am not infailable. I knew that from nursing school. I really wanted to show some of the newbies the bright side of nursing, and today I feel like I failed.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but today really pushed me to the brickwall.

I wish thought my vacation started tomorrow instead of two weeks ago. Because I feel like I need it. (The tan from Aruba is still there.) I know that I am a good nurse. But today was a hard day. Tomorrow will be better.

Adam, RN

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

You didn't fail. You had a bad day. Don't set yourself with such high expectations that you're going to love nursing every single day and have it together, especially the first year.

Leave your pride at the door.

You had a dreadful load the best of nurses would have cracked.

I have days where I crack or nearly crack all the time.

[jnette, ASN, EMT-I]

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Adam.

It is a painful thing, we've been there, too. One can only do so much and a body can tolerate only so much stress.

Be kind to yourself and look forward to better days. :)

[Sheri257]

Then I had a heavy pt load, 4 Total cares and 3 moderate cares. No tech.

I've often wanted to sit down with the charge nurses and ask ... why patient assignments aren't based more on acuity. And why the high acuity patients aren't spread around more. It often seems like they dump too many total cares on one person without any regard as to how you're supposed to juggle that kind of load.

[oldiebutgoodie, RN]

Adam,

I have read your posts before, and I am impressed with your enthusiasm. You are a kind and compassionate person, and it sounds like you are doing fine. Considering the patient load they are giving you, I don't know how you do it at all!

Take care, and keep on keepin' on! It sounds like you are the type of nurse that will make a great preceptor someday.

Oldiebutgoodie

[AtlantaRN, RN]

Hey! your only human! Just do what you can and be WILLING to delegate the rest! That is why we have charge nurses (that don't have any patients). They should be your resource nurse also...

Hang in there, and tomorrow is another day!

I've been a nurse 10 yrs and meltdowns are inevitable...especially when we pour everything we have into patient care, and family care (at my facility our families are our patients too, so if you have 7 patients and 3 family members per each patient...you have 21 patients! )

Take care of you first and the rest will fall into place

Keep your chin up!

linda

[AtlantaRN, RN]

sometimes at my facility they dump the heavy load patients on the ones that can do the best with them (hence, the best nurses get dumped on the most).

linda