Last night was going great. Typical busy night in the ER, but I had an awesome tech helping me. 0600 came around, almost time to go home, got a new pt with tummy pain. So, I pull my meds...pain med, antinausea med, NS bolus, protonix. Give my meds, go chart, and realize I was supposed to give Pepcid. Started to panic and stare at the computer screen thinking it couldn't possibly be right and that somehow magically it would change. Went to fellow RN who step by step told me what to do. Went to tell the doctor, and had a total melt down while trying to get the words out. The doctor laughed at me and said it was no problem. He changed the order to Protonix and that was that.
Still I feel like a LOSER. Not only could I have made a more serious med error because I was not careful, as a new grad trying to live up to expectations I feel I let everyone down, most of all myself. Now I am starting from scratch on the trust pad. The topper was my unintentional meltdown while trying to get the words out to the doc. I was shaking and crying...and he was laughing. I later also apologized for my unprofessional behavior.
I can't imagine ever making another med error although I know I probably will. My stomach is still turning, I can't sleep, and the scenario keeps playing over and over in my head. I want to get over it, but at the same time I feel I shouldn't because getting over it might mean being ok with it...and I don't think I should be ok with it.
