First horrible impending death....

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Specializes in Emergency, Trauma, Critical Care.

Hey all!

I've managed to survive four months in the ICU as a new grad.

So, I get my first totally unstable patient (5th shift off orientation). Basically had this patient go into severe DIC and just bleeding from everywhere. I felt so horrible, I did everything I could think of, but what a horrible way to die. She was still alive when I left, but barely.

It just seemed like she was choking on her own blood. I didn't like suctioning her because it seemed to just cause more blood, but if I didnt' suction her she would become more congested.

Sorry, I just needed to vent and must say it was the worse thing ever and I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I hope all you new grads are hanging in there!

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Specializes in Oncology, Med-Surg, Nursery.

**HUGS** Bless your heart. I know that was not easy to see. Some of my cancer patients had very troubling deaths to me as well. It is something you do keep with you for a while.

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Specializes in Emergency, Trauma, Critical Care.

Thanks, it seems to be. Before I was an RN, I worked in a variety of settings as an LVN, and encountered many hospice patients. I actually really liked it, most of these patients lived very comfortable until they died. This lady should have been on hospice, but the family refused....

I'm thinking that after I put in my time at ICU I might make a switch, I might be able to sleep better at night anyway.

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Specializes in chemical dependency detox/psych.

This is one of the reasons that I didn't pursue my internship area of oncology....too many disturbing deaths. ((((hugs)))) I know it's hard, as I've been there.

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Specializes in Med/Surg/Pedi/Tele.

I was on a med/surg floor and witnessed 2 cancer patient deaths. It is not a pretty site.

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

DIC is a horrible way to go. I'm sorry for your patient. She is at peace now.

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Specializes in MICU/SICU/CVICU.

I can relate to your feelings of frustration. I've adapted to dealing with the high mortality rate in the ICU; what I can't seem to adapt to is the frustration I feel with families who will not let their loved ones' go in peace. Every day I see sooo many people suffering needlessly. I code patients in their 80's to 90's, dying of metastatic bone cancer or COPD or the like, all because of family guilt. It's the one aspect of nursing in the ICU that truly haunts me, to know that what these people could benefit from the most is someone to just hold their hand, treat their pain, and allow them to go in peace; instead, we're jamming tubes in everywhere they'll fit and cracking their ribs.

Ugggh. Sorry to be bitter. I'm trying to take this frustration and use it to make a difference. I try to make all my patients and their families aware of what DNR and/or hospice is, and what it means to them. And you can BET I've made out an advanced directive and made my wishes known!

Hang in there, Nicki. It will get better for all of us. Just remember that no matter what happens, simply giving your most compassionate care to someone and their family during the dying process is an extraordinary gift.

*hugs*

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i hope your pt had a morphine pump generously infusing.

leslie

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I work LTC, my first 3 weeks on the floor by myself, I had 3 patients die, 1 each week. I was know as Nurse of Death. The first 2 were hospice, and the third passed PE during 2 hr bed check.

At first I was torn up about them but I reliezed that these individuals must of felt @ peace when I was there. After tearing up on the third one I called my DON because it was unexpected, she informed me that they just had a meeting discussing contacting the family to place her on hospice ( hello let the staff know).

Not to sound cruel, but it does get easier. To thing that these happened my first 3 weeks working as a real nurse. Made me question the whole nursing thing, but when families come to you and say thanks for being there with my mom or dad, when we couldn't make it. That made me feel like I gave the patient and the family comfort.

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Specializes in Emergency, Trauma, Critical Care.

Yeah, the families make it harder. This family wanted everything possible done for her. She didn't die on my shift, and didn't have a morphine pump, but I was giving it IVP around the clock. ICU is a depressing place though, I'm hoping eventually that I can get into a happier area of nursing, right now, I"m just thankful to have a job when I hear of so many new grads who are jobless.

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