First code

Yesterday, on the ever-so-lucky Friday the 13th, I experienced my first code as a nurse in the NICU.

According to my preceptor, this was one of the worst codes they have seen in 4-5 years.

I learned a lot from the situation. We coded our baby 3 times. The first two times I was the recorder and the last time I was the one pushing the meds (medication nurse?).

I'd be a liar if I said the situation didn't phase me. When the attending called it on our 3rd go-round, we were all relieved.

It was then that I stepped out of the pod to let some tears fall. It was such a rough, ugly, messy situation. Even before we started coding the baby, I had to hold back tears. This was on a term kiddo who was cyanotic like I had never seen in my life. I wanted to cry at just the sight of the baby but I knew I had to do what I had to do so I put on the big nurse panties and did.

This all started at about 1500 and didn't end until just after 1800. Then I had to go back to my other two patients like nothing happened.

I just want to say that I LOVE the people I work with. The whole medical team. Everyone worked so well together. There was no yelling, no adrenaline rush. It was not at all what I expected to happen which is good. In the adult world, there are like 100 people at your bedside during a code with the person running the code yelling out orders because everyone's adrenaline is rushing and everyone is talking very loudly to each other. It just seems like complete organized chaos. The code I experienced yesterday was absolutely nothing like that.

Since everyone knows I'm new, I had so much help that I had to start turning people away because there was nothing for them to do.

I was finally able to let it all out when I got to my car. I just laid my head in my hands on my steering wheel and just wailed my heart out for about 10 minutes. Then I decided it was time to pull myself together and go home. That's all I wanted. When I got home, my husband knew something was wrong and all I could do when I first saw him was wail again in his arms.

I know it will get easier with time.

Even with everything that happened yesterday, I'm still ready to go back for more. I learned so much and grew so much as a nurse yesterday. I'm still processing it all.

I've always had the feeling that I was where I was called to go. After yesterday, I now KNOW I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I wouldn't change being a NICU nurse for the world, even in the face of adversity.