So I've lurked on this board for quite some time now and I need some advice and/or help. I feel so lost and ready to give up. My boyfriend and I live together, we have for two years and have been together for 3 this December. He's always been really supportive of me and school in fact, he's paying my out pocket expense for nursing school, (I still pay all the other bills, but it's besides the point). I never thought nursing school would be this hard, but I have come to accept and have been working my butt off! I have 6.5 months to go till graduation and it seems like we are fighting more and more. This morning I was getting ready to leave for my clinical and he gets up and starts with me about how the light from my lap top is bothering him and why couldn't I just take it to the kitchen. Long story short, this morning has been a build up from a couple of weeks of things.
Anyhoo, I just feel so overwhelmed! Btwn work, school, clinicals and home, I feel like maybe I'm not cut out for this....if I can't take care of and be sympathetic towards someone I love so much, can I really like be like that towards patients? Or maybe the question should be I know I can be that way towards my patients, sympathetic and understanding, so why can't I be that way towards the person I love? Has anyone else gone through this? Does it get better? Does it get worse before it gets better? I feel like I have so much on my plate, it's all necessary and I can't afford to neglect any of it. Maybe I'm just self loathing, but I'm really do feel like I'm drowning and I just want to know that there are others who have experienced this and that it will get better.....please advise.
Yes bob you are right on that... But if she is trying to communicate and he still does not want to listen, picks little fights to make her feel even worse about the situation than she has to stand up for herself and not accept that treatment. She is trying to complete a very rigourus program and she may be better off without him for the moment. Besides man don't listen with words they listen with actions. The last resort would be to take a break so she can focus on herself not the relationship that's affecting her school work.
Keep working hard and don't let any distractions come in your way. You are going to be a wonderful nurse! I can already tell how caring you are by your post. Keep your mind focus on the prize. Speak with him about how it is affecting you and your school work. If he is still pushing for attention you need to think for yourself and your success and do what is best for you.
You are going to do great.
Sounds like you have previous experience with this situation cookie91, just try to keep in mind that two situations are never identical.
Me and my bf are going through problems as well that have definately gotten worse as my course load has increased. We have sat down and talked it out and tried to make changes the best we can. I can't say for sure if its making a difference but we're trying. It's hard to juggle school and a serious relationship. Throw work, friends, kids, pets, and everything else into the mix and it IS really stressful. And I think sometimes there is that tendacy to feel defensive because you are the doing all the work with school and then your need to put more effort into the relationship to make him feel better. My bf told me today that he couldn't wait till I was done with school and would have more time for other things (ie:him). My very unsympathetic response was that I'm the one doing all the work so don't complain to me. But I know that's not going to get me anywhere so I try to bite my tongue. Some men really do tend to get crabby when they feel like they are not getting enough attention. Make the effort to set aside the homewrk now and then to do something special. Watch his favorite tv show w him snuggled up on the couch while you scan the reading for the week. Remember to thank him for the little things that he (hopefully) does around the house, even just taking out garbage or doing dishes. Give him a nice kiss goodnight. Figure out where you can fit in little things. And try to keep the communication lines open.
I am a 43 year old nursing student in my second semester. I have been married for over 28 years to the same man. My husband has always been "needy" and he has his ways of letting me know. He gets crabby or rude or just plain unbearable. He is soooo supportive of my efforts in school and I am of his efforts to help me through this because he does his best to take care of the housework and my lunch. When the school schedule and its newness wore off and it started getting old, we started to feel the aches and pains associated with it. We got snippy towards each other and downright nasty attitudes;). I resented him for not understanding that I need to study and he with me because he felt like I did not appreciate his help. We had a heart to heart (a not so quiet and loving one at first), but now I consciously make time for him around the least stressful days (like, no test the next day) and let him know my schedule for studying. For example: I am going to study from 4-6pm, take a break with you from 6-8 and then get back to studying (that is for the busier days). For less busy times I will make full day plans with him and let him know ahead of time for that as well. Remember that if you don't make time to be with your significant others, they will find others to spend time with. Be sure to thank him more than once for his help and patience with you and that his understanding of your need to be unavailable helped you to have one less stress and thus enabled you to do better on a test. One other thing, we always remind ourselves how much longer we have in this together and celebrate every good moment even if it is just a high five. It is not forever, it will soon pass and I assure you that the person who will be the most proud of you when you graduate will be him, because he was right there seeing all your struggles. Good luck, you are almost there.
I am a 43 year old nursing student in my second semester. I have been married for over 28 years to the same man. My husband has always been "needy" and he has his ways of letting me know. He gets crabby or rude or just plain unbearable. He is soooo supportive of my efforts in school and I am of his efforts to help me through this because he does his best to take care of the housework and my lunch. When the school schedule and its newness wore off and it started getting old, we started to feel the aches and pains associated with it. We got snippy towards each other and downright nasty attitudes;). I resented him for not understanding that I need to study and he with me because he felt like I did not appreciate his help. We had a heart to heart (a not so quiet and loving one at first), but now I consciously make time for him around the least stressful days (like, no test the next day) and let him know my schedule for studying. For example: I am going to study from 4-6pm, take a break with you from 6-8 and then get back to studying (that is for the busier days). For less busy times I will make full day plans with him and let him know ahead of time for that as well. Remember that if you don't make time to be with your significant others, they will find others to spend time with. Be sure to thank him more than once for his help and patience with you and that his understanding of your need to be unavailable helped you to have one less stress and thus enabled you to do better on a test. One other thing, we always remind ourselves how much longer we have in this together and celebrate every good moment even if it is just a high five. It is not forever, it will soon pass and I assure you that the person who will be the most proud of you when you graduate will be him, because he was right there seeing all your struggles. Good luck, you are almost there.
Nope, it is not a typo. We were married in 83, purchased our first home in 84, had our first child in 85 (IUD did not work for me), had our second in 87 (he was planned), all while going to school for engineering and construction management to help my husband in his line of work. Now that the children are grown and raised I can change careers without it affecting the household. My first priority was being a mom and my children's education. We home schooled them while running our business. I have always loved ALL children and can't wait to be able to work in any department that has to do with little ones, from birth to whenever they stop being cute. LOL. Seriously, I have had a passion for all things medical-pregnancy-labor-kids related, but other responsibilities came first. Had to do what fed my family first. No regrets about my life whatsoever though. Would do it again the same exact way, only with more vacations and less stressing over whether the boss (us) should stay or perhaps be able to leave town for a few days because now we know that all hell does not break loose.
commonsense
442 Posts
Sounds like you have previous experience with this situation cookie91, just try to keep in mind that two situations are never identical.