Feeling lost, need advice

[ConfusedNewbie]

Background: I moved out of state for my first job on a Trauma floor and while the staff was great, the patient population was just too heavy for me to handle. I was constantly feeling overwhelmed and on top of that, wasn’t sleeping well at all (I was on night shift) and I was extremely homesick. I struggle with depression and anxiety and one day before going in, I absolutely lost my mind and was strongly contemplating suicide. Luckily my roommate was there to distract me and keep me company but at that point, I made the decision to move back home where I had more family and friends to serve as a support system. While I’m glad to be moving back, I’m now struggling with feelings of failure and wondering if going into nursing was a mistake. I’m worried that it’ll look terrible that I left my job so soon (2 months in) but I truly could not see myself lasting longer. I’m just feeling lost and would appreciate any advice/guidance I could get about moving forward.

[Oldmahubbard]

Truly you were in over your head. Some of us have been there. I doubt nursing was a mistake, but the position was way too intense. The first year is usually awful. I am glad you're ok.

I am an NP and I live a block from a Trauma Center. The helicopter goes over my house sometimes, and I think " thank God, it isn't me."

Not me that was scraped off the road, and not me responsible for any of the treatment.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

You are suffering and I am so sorry to hear it. Some of this is just going to be there as a new nurse; however, yours sounds pretty intense. I am glad you are getting to move back and I hope that happens soon. In the meantime, as well as once you get back, why not seek out a counselor to help you move through this phase and reframe what happened? It IS just a phase. You aren't a failure!

You graduated school and jumped in feet first with great courage and enthusiasm.

It didn't work out. Nothing more than that. It wasn't a good fit for you in your current life circumstances. You will find another job and it likely will be a better experience, particularly because you will have your family around you and you won't be adjusting to so many new things at once.

Its going to be okay. Seek a little talk therapy, maybe see your PCP and lean on your family and friends.

[Green Tea, RN]

I am glad to hear you are safe with your support system now. You are not a failure. I do not necessarily feel going into nursing was a mistake to you. I personally know a nurse who was from out of state, started orientation in the OR where i work, and moved back to her home during orientation because she could not handle the stress in the OR and also was too homesick. Not new to me. Take care of yourself.