Feeling lonely

Pneumothorax, BSN, RN · Oct 1, 2011

it takes time, but remember you are there to learn above all..socializing can come later.. i think once you all get to know each other you'll be ok :)

RKpianoman, APRN · Oct 1, 2011

Even in a fairly homogenous program, it was near the end of the first semester before we bonded together and became more of a family than just a class. With everyone trying so hard just to pass their tests, it takes a while to make friends; but, don't worry, it will happen before too long.

Clovery · Oct 1, 2011

In my fundamentals class, I was buddies with a Russian immigrant. She ended up dropping out though

It takes a while for friendships to form, and you're right people who have similar backgrounds flock together. Most likely your class will lose a lot of people who withdrawal or fail. Just continue being amicable and you will eventually make friends, especially as your group narrows down.

Do you facebook or anything like that? Next time you talk to someone about practice or give/ask for advice, maybe exchange facebooks or emails. Make arrangements to study with someone or meet in the practice lab. There are probably other people in your class who also feel isolated. Next time you see someone standing alone when everyone else is talking, go strike up a conversation. Something simple, like "what did you think of the last test?" or "have you picked up an NCLEX book yet?"

Try not to worry about it too much. I bet you will have your own group of friends soon enough.

blueharlequin · Oct 3, 2011

I actually have a Russian lady in my lab/clinical group. It's exciting for me because I've studied the Russian language (only 3 years, so not fluent, and sadly less fluent now because it's been a while and I'm out of practice) and have always been fascinated/appreciated Russian culture. That being said, I think she also is having similar connection problems, though due to cultural differences. She asks a lot of questions that focuses on really breaking things down and perfection of the required tasks. The others in my group get very annoyed by it and cut her off/don't always acknowledge her, which she has definitely picked up on and has as a result made herself scarce. I can't say I haven't pushed forward a time or two (so as not to get too hung up on certain details and miss other important things), but I don't exactly feel right about it. I think a lot of it is a cultural approach to education. Even though she has lived in the US for a decade (I want to say), she has a Master's in Russia and it seems like hasn't fully integrated to the atmosphere of the American education system. It doesn't really bother me, because I was an exchange student in Germany for a year and have met people from all over...education systems around the world really do have different atmospheres/cultures, and they can be one of the harder things to assimilate into. I should be more sensitive, even though I only remember at most twice kinda pushing things forward.

Another thing about Eastern Europeans as fellow students that I've noticed is different from at least an American standpoint...the Eastern Europeans I've had as classmates have always been very driven as students, but also very outspoken. I personally think that's actually a good thing, but it doesn't always sit well with Americans. From a cultural perspective, the outspoken nature initially always makes me go silent and feel a bit turned off, because I think Americans look at it as arrogance instead of confidence (this would again be a cultural difference). I always catch myself, though, because I know this is just a cultural difference (after talking with Eastern Europeans outside of class, it's easy to understand the cultural differences...more so after studying Russian). I don't know that this applies to your situation, especially since the program is so diverse, and I certainly don't mean to say change who you are. Russian culture is beautiful, so definitely embrace it. But if it seems hard to relate to people, it's possible people may just (unfortunately) be misunderstanding you culturally. I'm really going far out on a limb saying that, though, because it may just be the experiences I've had. And I'm certainly FAR FAR FAR from an expert.

Oh, and I noticed your profile says you're in Minnesota right now. I got my undergrad degree in MN (St. Olaf College, woohoo) but am from the south. People there were different from what I was used to and can definitely be harder to get to know. In general, it seemed like the population was just more introverted. That could be part of it also.

That being said, I haven't made any good connections with anyone in my class, either (I've also just started, but I'm back in the south). Everyone is nice and I haven't really found anyone I dislike (haha, outside of the professors...that's a completely different story, though), but I also haven't really connected on a super personal level, either. I'm fine with that, though. I don't want to get too wrapped up in everyone's personal lives, because in my experience, that tends to start drama. And I don't want to make waves. I just want to get my degree and get the crap out to move on to bigger and better things (it's an ADN program, so there's a lot more "ahead" directions to go).

Al.ginger · Oct 4, 2011

Wow! Thanks! it is actually eyes-opening! You are right about Eastern European. Exactly like me. Now I can see my mistakes.

I've been here for 3 years now. I guess I still need to integrate better.

blueharlequin · Oct 4, 2011

It's not a mistake at all. It's just cultural differences. I'm actually more annoyed by American attitudes regarding this. There is such a big deal in America about being culturally tolerant and "politically correct", but in actuality it's being culturally tolerant toward groups that vocalize their lack of wanting to integrate. Immigrants making up a larger portion of the population can get away with this, too. It's politics.

That being said, I strongly believe that immigrants have a right to maintain their culture in the melting pot (more recently referred to as "salad bowl") that is America. I appreciate hearing foreign languages wandering through the isles of the grocery store. It's beautiful to know there are so many different cultures that so much can be learned from right around the corner. I just don't like the attitude that Americans should bend over backwards to learn a foreign language just so an immigrant culture doesn't have to learn English. I'm trilingual. I love foreign languages and have many more I want to learn. But I shouldn't be forced to learn a language that isn't my country's official language due to "political correctness."

Anyway, tangent over. I think you should keep that aspect of Eastern European culture. I actually like it. There's an Iranian lady in my class who's also similar to this. We talked about how relieving being up north is compared to the south, because people are up front and don't pretend. In the south, people will pretend to be friends to your face, but gossip about you behind your back. It's pretty underhanded and spineless. Sometimes I just want to tell people to grow some balls and just tell me whatever they're thinking, but that's also not appreciated down here.

Being a world traveler really changes a person.