Feeling like a meanie

[hollyberry678]

Hi- I get twinges of feeling like a meanie because I was upset with an aide who didn't help me much one day (didnt say anything to her, but you could tell, and I did comlain to others about it), and also for correcting a fairly new unit secretary on not taking a telephone order (she did twice, the first time I overlooked it- it was for a test...the second time it was a diet order, but I made a point of telling her, and when I went to show her that I had to write this change in the chart as an order, she became mad, saying "I KNOW!!" Though her reaction was innapropriate, it made ME feel like a meanie.

Could be that because I worked as an aide for the past 3 years (before graduation) and would never have reacted that way make it bother me now? I mean, I feel I need to be respected somewhat in my role...Or do I need to 'do some personal work' here with how I am seeing things?

How do you all handle these types of things??

[EmmaG, RN]

Don't complain behind someone's back to others. Go to that person in private and explain your concerns.

As far as the secretary, what was your approach? Was it said in private? Did you acknowledge her attempt to help you by saying something like, 'I know you're trying to help me out and I really appreciate it, but legally I have to be the one to obtain a phone order.'

Yes, you need to be respected. And so do they.

[hollyberry678]

Yes, you're right. I guess on the first I was really stressed/busy. I tried to talk to the aide, but she gave off the feeling she didnt really care...the second, I was really busy too, and all I did was very nicely (but matter of fact) approach her to show/explain to her why that was an order. But you are right about complaining to others...

[EmmaG, RN]

Well, only you know how you approached these people and whether it was appropriate or not. I suspect that if you are questioning if you're a 'meanie', then perhaps it could have been handled better.

An apology to the NA is in order, IMO. You can bet that whatever you said to others got back to her. Best to swallow a bit of pride now and repair the damage before it festers and becomes an even more uncomfortable environment.

Before I leave my shift, I always thank the NAs and secretaries for their help, in general and specifically. It's not just lip service but a genuine appreciation--- without them, I'd be foundering and going under. I also make a point to thank ancillary staff (housekeeping, dietary, etc.) for their assistance.

Everyone likes to feel that the job they're doing is valuable and appreciated, and no one wants to work in a place where the only feedback they receive is negative. Even when I've worked with those who were a bit lazy or less than helpful, I find something to acknowledge; you'd be surprised how much that changes their attitude and how much more helpful they will become as a result.

So even though my appreciation is genuine and I believe it's just the right thing to do, there is also a selfish component. It just makes my job a whole lot easier

[hollyberry678]

Hi, I think you have totally missed the mark in terms of me. In general, I am very thankful to everyone. I have had enough jobs and experience in life to appreciate and be thankful to everyone, especially to those who have a TEAM approach, both on the job and in life. I am an older returning student. I have had to work very hard jobs and struggle very hard, going to school, as a single parent, my children have sacrificed and I have sacrificed in this road we are on-- nothing has come easy. however, I was VERY busy, the aide DIDNT seem to care, as well the secretary did need to know from me that, in my opinion, taking any orders over the phone isnt okay. Yes, it could have been handled better, but I am as well very busy. Thanks for your support.

[sharona97, BSN, RN]

Well, only you know how you approached these people and whether it was appropriate or not. I suspect that if you are questioning if you're a 'meanie', then perhaps it could have been handled better.

An apology to the NA is in order, IMO. You can bet that whatever you said to others got back to her. Best to swallow a bit of pride now and repair the damage before it festers and becomes an even more uncomfortable environment.

Before I leave my shift, I always thank the NAs and secretaries for their help, in general and specifically. It's not just lip service but a genuine appreciation--- without them, I'd be foundering and going under. I also make a point to thank ancillary staff (housekeeping, dietary, etc.) for their assistance.

Everyone likes to feel that the job they're doing is valuable and appreciated, and no one wants to work in a place where the only feedback they receive is negative. Even when I've worked with those who were a bit lazy or less than helpful, I find something to acknowledge; you'd be surprised how much that changes their attitude and how much more helpful they will become as a result.

So even though my appreciation is genuine and I believe it's just the right thing to do, there is also a selfish component. It just makes my job a whole lot easier

Good Karma!

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

I'm struggling with similar issues. This is a second career for me, and I've been in management before.

Many people need continual feedback in the form of direction (I need you do do X.), supervision (I see you're doing X; how's it going?), follow up (Did you do X? How did it go?), and recognition (Thank you for doing X. Good job!).

While it would be nice if the aide would be more proactive and check in with me more frequently, it's not a realistic expectation. They are stretched very thin and there aren't enough of them (in my facility).

I know it's frustrating to be running your tail off and need help desperately and the aide is nowhere to be found, and it would be easy to get irritated and complain. Lord knows I am as guilty of that as they come.

But you have to find a way to get their attention. Being really friendly, taking the time to chat and joke with them, and making them feel involved with patient care (because they *are* intimately involved with patient care), will put you on their radar screen. If you don't ask for help and just keep your nose to the grindstone and do your work, they can interpret this as you being self sufficient and not needing their help (especially if they know you used to be an aide). I think this is what happens with me. I used to be an aide on the same floor I'm working on, working side by side with the aides that I work with now as a nurse. When I get busy, I get very focused and just get things done, and I think they see me as just not needing their help, when really I just don't have time to track them down to come do X, Y, or Z even though it would save me loads of time to be able to delegate.

Or, even worse, if they interpret you as being critical of them, or not respecting that they have a job to do and helping you when you need it is only one aspect of that job, then they may not *want* to help you, and may actually avoid you or just give you the bare minimum effort.

I'd give the aide the benefit of the doubt that she was probably very busy and didn't know you were in such desperate need for help.

As for the ward clerk, I've had my head handed to me on a platter simply for asking our ward clerk to put in some stat orders. I did nothing wrong, and was in no way disrespectful. She was just incredibly busy and under a lot of stress and didn't handle it well. We have never spoken of the incident, but I think we're both okay with it.

While I think we should be respectful toward one another, sometimes we are not at our best and there are times where it is appropriate to cut each other just a little bit of slack.

Hope that helps!

[Scrubby]

One of the things i dislike about nursing (maybe it applies to all professions i don't know) is that there is very little positive feedback. I've worked with lots of students and newbies I agree with Emmanuel here that a simple thankyou can really make a huge difference. Even after having a bad day i can go home feeling great if someone tells me that i worked well that day.....

Theres nothing worse than running your feet off all say under stress, no words of thanks or anything and someone tells you off for something really minor. It's very frustrating. I think we do have to be a bit forgiving at times...

If i have to speak with someone about something they aren't doing right i never do it in front of others or just complain about them behind their back. It's not professional and it doesn't help build a working relationship with someone. When i have to tell a student, newb that they need to improve on something i always start by tellnig them that they are doing really well however i noticed this wasn't done etc. I also think it's important to choose the appropriate time, when it's not so busy and stressful.

[EmmaG, RN]

But you have to find a way to get their attention. Being really friendly, taking the time to chat and joke with them, and making them feel involved with patient care (because they *are* intimately involved with patient care), will put you on their radar screen. If you don't ask for help and just keep your nose to the grindstone and do your work, they can interpret this as you being self sufficient and not needing their help (especially if they know you used to be an aide). I think this is what happens with me. I used to be an aide on the same floor I'm working on, working side by side with the aides that I work with now as a nurse. When I get busy, I get very focused and just get things done, and I think they see me as just not needing their help, when really I just don't have time to track them down to come do X, Y, or Z even though it would save me loads of time to be able to delegate.

Good point. When you're running your tail off, it's sometimes hard to see beyond your area of focus and recognize how busy someone else is...

Also, I try to not only ask the NAs for help when I need it, but to offer my assistance to them when I can. Doing my own blood sugars or vitals is really no big deal if I see the NA is buried and I'm going to be in the patient's room anyway.

[jackson145]

I had something similar happen to me once. When I was a new ED tech, I took a phone order from a Doc. I had no idea I wasn't supposed to. Well, I got straightened out right quick by the charge nurse. In front of a whole ED to boot. A week or so later, I watched her cath someone without any semblence of a sterile field. It was a small place and almost impossible not to witness things even when you tried your best not to observe. We literally worked shoulder to shoulder all the time. Later, with out the patient or other staff around I asked "shouldn't you have used sterile technique on that cath?" It's been a long time ago, but I don't think I asked in a snotty way.

Long story short, I got wrote up for being impertinent to my betters.

When you correct/criticize someone lower down the ladder, always ask yourself, "If they caught me in a mistake and called me on it, how would I react?" If it would offend you, then you will probably be offending them.

[EmmaG, RN]

Unless there is risk of immediate harm to patient or staff, there's absolutely no reason why correction/criticism can't be done in private.

[jackson145]

Unless there is risk of immediate harm to patient or staff, there's absolutely no reason why correction/criticism can't be done in private.

I wish more people felt that way. I can't recall how many times I've been reamed by my "betters" for honest mistakes that sometimes I hadn't been taught enough to know it was a mistake.

When I first started at my facility, I was just a secretary. I knew very little about the medical world and my training was limited to how to work the phone system and register patients and print forms. I had no idea about who was allowed to do what and got in trouble several times for trying to help someone who was swamped. They'd take the helping hand and turn me in later for violated policies that I was unaware of. I guess "no good deed goes unpunished", right?