Feeling immense guilt for past mistakes

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I’ve been working on my unit for 2.5 years and have felt proud of how far I’ve come. It has recently been a slog of very difficult patients, but I had finally made it to my two week vacation (first time off since February this year!) All of the sudden without any triggers, I’ve felt depressed, anxious, and guilty about mistakes I’ve made in the past.. I’ve thought of med errors that I never owned up to because I was new and too scared of getting in trouble. 5 mg more of baclofen ordered because I forgot to split a pill, not giving a pill for my patient that I found hours later in the shift, accidentally using the wrong insulin pen on the wrong patient... In hindsight add to the guilt because I’m now beyond the point of rectifying them. I have made more med errors since then, but have owned up to them without any consequence. In all cases, no major consequences were made, but I feel like there’s no way to atone for the guilt I have. Is there any way of getting over this guilt?? Thank you.

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You can move forward and you should.

I'm no counselor but it seems to me that guilt can be both useful and harmful.

It is useful when it motivates us to correct a wrong, improve ourselves in some way, apologize to someone we've hurt/restore a relationship, etc.

It is harmful when we feel it for inappropriate reasons or when we are stymied by it so that we can't move forward positively. (And probably other instances where it can be harmful).

It is understandable that you want to do something to ("atone") make up for your mistakes. I would suggest that you consider simply improving what you can based on the lessons you hopefully learned through those mistakes, and then give those same mistakes an opportunity to be used for good (your nursing practice, your personal growth) instead of allowing them to perpetuate harm upon yourself. You have not hurt anyone, but it's true that you could have.

Tighten up the processes that led to those mistakes...commit to safer/more reliable processes, and then let the rest go.

The way to have the mistakes you made actually harm someone is for you to be harmed by dwelling upon them in unhelpful ways.

In my opinion the way to move forward is to make good on these mistakes by learning their lessons and forgiving yourself for not being perfect.

I say: Consider yourself absolved. ?

Go do your good in the world.

 

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Specializes in ER, Pre-Op, PACU.

If you really want an honest opinion, I am sure every single one of us have made errors. And for those that say they haven’t - either they simply won’t admit it or they haven’t realized it or too new a nurse for it to have happened yet. It happens....to each and every one of us. There were so many crazy chaotic days in the ER, I know I caught near misses, made some errors, and likely even made mistakes but didn’t realize it because that is how CRAZY some of those days were. The guilt means you can still feel empathy and want to do the right thing. You have admitted it....sounds like it’s too late to report it. So learn from these the best you can and it will help you become even a better nurse. I wish you all the best.

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Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired.

Unless you are Jesus Christ, you will make errors.  Our work environments are stressful and hectic - we are GOING to make some errors.  Forgive yourself for them and keep on doing the good work you want to do.  If someone else were telling you how guilty they feel because someone didn't get a Tylenol or an antibiotic on time and it was eating them up,  what would you tell them?  You'd probably say something like it's not worth beating yourself up and you really don't want to work at McDonalds!  Give yourself the same grace you'd give a colleague.

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This really spoke to me! 

Recently, I have been beating myself up for an error that was 1.5 years ago that I didn't report.  The patient was fine and everything turned out okay, but I still have immense guilt for not coming forward and owning up to my actions. It was my last week of orientation and my preceptor was terrifying. I was far too scared to admit my wrong doing. But now I can't help but feel like a bad nurse for not prioritizing the patient! I tell myself that I will now NEVER let a mistake slide without at least talking to my charge nurse about it. I also quit that toxic job for a different job where I could feel comfortable owning up to my mistakes without being bullied. Let's try to move past our guilt and use it to make ourselves even better nurses!

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I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way.  I too sometimes feel guilty for past med errors that I didn't own up to, but this was in the past and thankfully they weren't really serious ones that caused harm to the patient (such as giving wrong meds).  I am the type of person that is very hard on myself and will beat myself up over mistakes made.  But, I would say to the OP that you must move on and like the other nurses have said, learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself. That is what I've been trying to do. So true that only Jesus is perfect and He would tell you to lay your guilt at his feet and leave it there.  All the constant berating of yourself will do is zap your confidence as a nurse and take away your peace and joy.  Yes, we should always own up to our mistakes and that is what I have learned over the past almost two years I've been a nurse. I don't know what your specific situation is, but maybe a different environment would help you to make a fresh start.  We are always hardest on ourselves it seems, which is unfortunate.  Best wishes to you.

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On 10/18/2020 at 5:11 PM, dergs said:

I’ve been working on my unit for 2.5 years and have felt proud of how far I’ve come. It has recently been a slog of very difficult patients, but I had finally made it to my two week vacation (first time off since February this year!) All of the sudden without any triggers, I’ve felt depressed, anxious, and guilty about mistakes I’ve made in the past.. I’ve thought of med errors that I never owned up to because I was new and too scared of getting in trouble. 5 mg more of baclofen ordered because I forgot to split a pill, not giving a pill for my patient that I found hours later in the shift, accidentally using the wrong insulin pen on the wrong patient... In hindsight add to the guilt because I’m now beyond the point of rectifying them. I have made more med errors since then, but have owned up to them without any consequence. In all cases, no major consequences were made, but I feel like there’s no way to atone for the guilt I have. Is there any way of getting over this guilt?? Thank you.

You sound super preoccupied with this, but it does go to show that you’re a very carting person. My advice is to find comfort in the fact that always remembering makes it easier for you to improve and not make the same mistakes twice. Also, try to confine with somebody you’re close to. It might relieve some of that bottling guilt

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Hi, this reminds me of something, I was giving a patient pills at night, I asked her to choose between po and sc and she chose po, I sat her up and put the pills in her mouth and put the straw on her lips, after taking a sip, she started coughing, I don’t vividly remember if she was drowsy or not, however I feel I remember her eyes were closed, later on I asked her if she remembers herself coughing after taking water, she said yes, and then I asked her if she knows why she was coughing, she said she took the water too fast, I asked if she knows why, she said it happens sometimes, I feel really bad because I don’t know if I missed the fact that she might have been drowsy although I had a conversation with her just before giving her the medication, I said it in report that she coughed on fluids for me, I just feel really bad and would like some advice, the last thing I want is to make my patients have complications 

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Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired.
4 hours ago, Ferniato said:

Hi, this reminds me of something, I was giving a patient pills at night, I asked her to choose between po and sc and she chose po, I sat her up and put the pills in her mouth and put the straw on her lips, after taking a sip, she started coughing, I don’t vividly remember if she was drowsy or not, however I feel I remember her eyes were closed, later on I asked her if she remembers herself coughing after taking water, she said yes, and then I asked her if she knows why she was coughing, she said she took the water too fast, I asked if she knows why, she said it happens sometimes, I feel really bad because I don’t know if I missed the fact that she might have been drowsy although I had a conversation with her just before giving her the medication, I said it in report that she coughed on fluids for me, I just feel really bad and would like some advice, the last thing I want is to make my patients have complications 

You shouldn't waste one more minute feeling guilty because a patient coughed while drinking water.  Everybody does it occasionally - it's NORMAL.  

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