the first semester of nursing for me was okay because i studied and i can study and get good grades. when i found out about the responsibility and pressure of nursing and the physical labor part about nursing in clinicals, i wasnt sure if i could do this for the rest of my life. i'm very small asian filipino, weak in practical skills, and spent most of my life behind a desk... i can barely drive, i got into a few accidents when i drove the first time, i dont have this hands on awareness that most people are just born with or nurtured for a long time...
half the people in my class are so much more mature and ready to be nurses.. i feel like a little kid trying to measure up... i never knew what a cathetar insulin shot, enema, or what even a nursing home looked life before i got into nursing. i went in blindly because i listened to my parents. "take nursing, job security. take nursing money. take nursing travel. take nursing and you dont have to work all the time, just a few times a week so you can make bread and butter."
i know that's the POINT of school to learn how to be a nurse, but how do you know if you have the passion? i dont know if i have the passion, and i'm not 100% positive i know i want to be nurse. for me, failing once has taking my energy, and it's making me reconsider.
i just feel so emotionally and physically bankrupt. the only things that keep me happy are the people in nursing school...
is this what i'm supposed to feel in 1st semester and second semester school RN school?
some people dont MIND because they have a passion, or they have KIDS to feed, but i am 20 years old, confused, and i think i'm too young and immature for this.. i cannot force myself to grow up 2 more semesters, and then go off and care for people, if i am not fully developed myself.
i dont want to blame my parents, but i am the youngest child. i am not used to caring for others and have always been cared for.
am i just making excuses? am i just trying to run away from responsibility? i know there are other options and jobs out there... i'm tired of living in this stupid convention and norm. you have to graduate by 22, if you're not then you're a loser. you have to know what you want, you have to be married by 25, you have to obey the parents, have to have to...
i feel like i'm just feel like becoming a nurse to please others.
my parents scare me with you'll be homeless you'll be another one of your other siblings, poor, and seriously, that doesnt scare me as much anymore as actually KILLING someone in clinicals because i'm doing something i dont want to do.
i dont give a **** what people think anymore. i will run away from everything if i have to just to avoid nursing, i'll leave this whole world behind. i have cried and begged my parents for so long, i went from the beginning, i hate this job.. and no sympathy.
i'm not afraid of loans. i'm not afraid status. losing friendships. looking like an idiot. i'm not afraid of my family.
i'm afraid of losing my life, being unhappy, or killing people.
am i just afraid?
what should i do? should i switch out? i'm already half way in.. there are a lot of people who would LOVE to be in my position.... i feel like i'm taking space because i NEED IT FOR THE MONEY and job security/ flexibility... but i dont know what to do... stay and see what parts i like most? will nursing change once i graduate?? i have chest pain, on meds, and headaches constantly.
I started nursing school when I was 23. I have no regrets doing it a bit later on because at 19 I was way too immature to start a serious career like nursing and I was still trying to decide what to do with my life.
From reading your post my advice here is to take some time out away from school, your parents (they sound like they only want the best for you though) and have a serious ponder about whether or not you want to continue being a nursing student. It would be horrible to continue doing something for years that your not happy with and feel trapped.
The thing is though it does get better in time once you gain confidence in your nursing skills. My first clinicals were a nightmare, the other students had experience as PCA's except me and I was pretty hopeless. I had issues with my facilitator, was told i'd never make it by a few people and seriously considered leaving it.
Scrubby
1,313 Posts
I started nursing school when I was 23. I have no regrets doing it a bit later on because at 19 I was way too immature to start a serious career like nursing and I was still trying to decide what to do with my life.
From reading your post my advice here is to take some time out away from school, your parents (they sound like they only want the best for you though) and have a serious ponder about whether or not you want to continue being a nursing student. It would be horrible to continue doing something for years that your not happy with and feel trapped.
The thing is though it does get better in time once you gain confidence in your nursing skills. My first clinicals were a nightmare, the other students had experience as PCA's except me and I was pretty hopeless. I had issues with my facilitator, was told i'd never make it by a few people and seriously considered leaving it.
Good luck :)