feedback about cover letter-please?

[NanikRN]

hi

as my name states, lol, i am a reentry nurse. i finish my course on monday and am sending a letter to the nurse recruiter that is over the nursing areas i am interested in. my resume is already on file. both my instructor and the head of education have called/emailed her with my name. (and a recommendation i hope:)) i alos met the other nurse recruiter who told me to cal/email this recruiter as she is over the areas i am interested in. i have interviewed with one nurse manager who had my resume sent to her; should i mention that?

constructive input? i want to sound confident but not cocky-i want to use the people that have been kind enough to offer their names but don't want to sound like an arrogant name dropper-- i really want to get the nurse managers' and recruiter's attention but in a good way.

i realize this is a lengthy post, and appreciate anyone willing to give me their input. i really want a job at this hospital

xxxxxx xxxxxxx

nurse recruiter

march 30, 2010

re: nursing opportunities

dear xxxxxxxx,

i will be completing the xxxxxxxxx nurse refresher course this coming monday, and am very interested in finding a position at xxxxxxxxx hospital.

(xxxxxx from education told me to let you know that he called you about me)

i did my clinical time on 7 xxx tower and was very impressed with both the level of caring and skill the nurses demonstrated. i would like to work within this type of nursing system.

i have been a nurse for thirty years. twenty-two of those years i was actively nursing; the remaining 8 years i stayed home to homeschool my daughters. i have worked extensively in oncology and rehab, as well other areas.

i am most interested in a nurse internship to continue my re-education on new systems and equipment; however i feel i am capable of handling a staff position if needed. i would love to work days but understand the needs of staffing a nursing unit and will accept other schedules in order to work up to my scheduling preferences.

i will be working at xxxxxxxxxxxx both this thursday and next monday until noon. i would appreciate a chance to meet you in person on either of these days, but will meet your schedule if another time or date works better for you.

thank you for this opportunity. i look forward to speaking with you soon.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx rn

email address( are emails acceptable in formal type letters? i'm clueless)

phone number

[dura_mater]

I don't think it sounds like name dropping to mention who reffered you to the job listing. Personally, I would go into a bit more detail of who called this nursing recruiter and your relationship with them.

I would also mention the interview you had and the reasons that you want to work for them, give specifics.

I would also go into more detail of the 22 years experience that you have, this is great stuff for a hiring manager to hear about!!

I would re-work the "I would love day shifts, but....." comment, and I would leave off the "in order to work up to my scheduling preferences" ( this just gives off a bad vibe, IMO)

here is a website that may help you with your cover letter, good luck

http://nursinglink.monster.com/careers/articles/9675-the-secret-formula-to-cover-letter-success?utm_source=nlet&utm_content=nl_c1_20100323_formula

[Baloney Amputation, BSN, LPN, RN]

I would drop the parenthetical statement in the 1st paragraph. If you want to include that information, work it in the text of the letter. It looks very much like an afterthought.

I would be more vague with the 8 years of homeschooling. I think homeschooling is great and did it for a while myself, but the idea of homeschooling can conjure up some negative feelings in people for various reasons. I think you can qualify the 8 years you were out of nursing by stating you were attending to family obligations.

After "oncology and rehab," what the other areas? In the previous paragraph, why specifically would you like to work in that type of nursing system?

I think instead of the word "love" for the shift preference, I'd use a word such as "prefer."

These are just quick ideas off the top of my head...ignore me if you want. :) Good luck!

[NanikRN]

Thank you both-those are very good points and it makes sense to edit the letter that way. Helps to have another nurse's point of view.

I do know what you mean about negative perceptions of homeschoolers. I loved homeschooling. I never worked so hard or learned so much in my life! OK, with the exception of nursing school.

Thanks again.

[NanikRN]

Thank you both again for your input, and I did take your suggestions.

I got a positive response from the recruiter today and am very pleased about possibilities.