farrmer's wife w/kids......and NO help!

Justanotherday · Apr 18, 2010

If your husband is not available to help get your kids where they need to be, and your schedule won't allow it, I was thinking having a nanny would work better for you, unless you can work out some type of carpool.

Bob_N_VA · Apr 18, 2010

Congrats for getting as far as you have and doing so well with it, but I gotta say, unless you can get some level of buy in from your husband or some other support like a mom, sister, friend then you are going to come to a point where its all going to fall apart. Farming is a hard enough business in this economy, and I think you both are looking for support over and above what is normal for a husband and wife in most marriages. He needs your extra support to work those long hours and keep things working at home with the kids and you need him as you already mentioned. Who's going to win in that situation?

You both need to have a plan for where you want your family to be and how you are going to get there and who needs to do what. Having a Nurse in the family is a good thing, especially if the farm has its ups and downs. But it can't be all on your shoulders nor can you expect him to risk loosing a crop or have some other issue that will cost you both income because you are off in school. Its sorta like driving a car with no brakes and saying, not to worry, I'll always have plenty of time to slow down. You gotta fix this now or it may not turn out well for either of you.

naenae1979 · Apr 18, 2010

Bob, you are very right! I accept that! But....his job has no lead way what so ever! I mean..he is here from nov.-feb. But..that doesnt help me too much! I have "recruited" my sister to help, but she lives about 30 minutes away. I will get through this! I always do!!! Lord willing and the creek dont rise! We have managed thus far, but its just now getting to the point that i have to actually ask for help (which was a hard pill for me to swallow!) i just need to sit down and figure this all out before it gets to "crunch time":d thanks again for the comments!

Anne36, LPN · Apr 19, 2010

Your kids are very young and you are really just like a single Mom.

30 minutes away is a bit far for real help. I'll tell you what it sounds like you really need is someone to come into your home , instead of you taking your kids out. Have you thought of placing an ad for an in home babysitter? Mabye you could find a grandma type to come in and it probably wouldnt cost you anymore than daycare.

When you get home, its all gonna be on you though. Mabye your sister could take the kids for 1 weekend a month for you to study? Or a niece or nephew could come over and play with the kids while you study on the weekend? Im sure if you can make a child proof area with a place for you to keep your books and study while the kids play you could get some studying in at night when you are alone with them.

naenae1979 · Apr 19, 2010

Thanks so much! I haven't thought of the kid friendly play area...one thing my hubby suggested is that maybe I could set my alarm so that I could get up before everybody else does and study. I think this would actually work seeing as though I am a morning person anyway.. Bless his heart, he is determined to make this work! Thanks for all of your suggestions!!

Indigorn · Apr 19, 2010

When I read your post, I had to laugh. I am a "farmers" wife as well. I just want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel! Don't give up - you will figure out a way to make this work for your family! Here are a couple of tips:

I bring my kids to the library, they love to read/play and it allows me to get some of my homework done. In, addition, one of the best things that I invested in was a digital recorder. I record the more difficult classes and listen to them while running/walking with or without the kids, housework and so on.

Good Luck!!!!!

Mommaof3 · Apr 19, 2010

My husband (ex now) worked similar hours, not a farmer though. He worked at 530 am and often wouldn't get home until 1030 or so when I first started school. We have 3 children and what I had to do was implement a serious and early bedtime, my kids took baths at 730 and were in bed by 8...that gave me 8-11 to study every night. But Im definitely more of a night person than a morning person!

mercuryrawks · Apr 19, 2010

I have young kids--4,3 and 1, and basically no help as well. My husband works, and my mom and brother are not very helpful. It is beyond our budget for daycare and we don't know anyone to babysit! What I do, or try to do, is keep to a strict 7pm bath, 7:30 bed time. Then I make sure the dishes are done and the sink is empty, and the kitchen is cleaned, so it is easier to maintain the next day. Then I try and squeeze in 2-3 hours of work. I make sure I do the vocab for every chapter. I write notes during the day while I play with the kids, then retype them and add them to my binder at night. I make it a game with the kids. My 4 year old knows the cardiac system better than I do!! They find it all as facinating as I do, so I include them. I buy those little flippy "cheat" books to keep in my car and peek at when stopped at red lights. I am forcing myself to follow my own tips, because I have been a horrible student this semester. Thankfully, I am still passing. I am hiring a mommys helper this summer to play with the kids in the yard while I get a start on my 2nd semester readings. $20 a day for 5 hours. Works out for everyone. Also, my husband was able to change his day off from Sunday to Monday, and I attend a study group every Monday with classmates. Maybe you could start one for Sundays? Good luck and let us know what works for you!!

peas&carrots · Apr 21, 2010

Most colleges and universities have child care centers that would love to have your children. It is how they learn and they aren't very expensive. They are always supervised (at least they are where I go to school) so that would be really reassuring to me. Plus, they would learn early on how to play with other children and how to share.