did you ever think it would be like this?

ahoye5199 · Aug 3, 2007

I recently graduated and have been working as a graduate nurse since June 11th. I love it and hate it. I feel all of the above said emotions. I feel like they promised the moon and now they are trying to push us off orientation as fast as they can so that we can be "counted into staffing." I understand the need for it, but I always feel like I am chasing my tail.

That being said, I feel like I am living a dream come true, working as a nurse after 20 years of dreaming of it. I am planning to stick it out in med-surg for the first year, and then I'm OUTTA there, baby! I am not a 10-patient, can't-stay-in-the-room-long-enough-to-say-hello because-I-have-so-many-things-to-do-kinda-nurse. It's a shame that the staffing is so short that it comes down to that, but, it's not for me. I am looking forward to slower paced areas like hospice, dialysis, etc. Maybe cuz I am 41. I don't know. I love what I do, but med-surg is too stressful. There are too many politics, too many docs that are too big for their britches, and too few nurses. Perhaps home care, who knows. But, I like autonomy, and I have none where I'm at. I love it, and Ill do it for a year, but, I too feel constant pressure and my confidence is very easily shaken. Good luck to all you other first year nurses out there!

cute-1 · Aug 3, 2007

Thanks to all of you for posting.

My nursing program begins in 3 weeks.I have worked as a CNA and I have NEVER met a happy nurse.(in hospital,or ltc).

MY last job was in home health and I loved it.All of the Rn's that visited loved their job,they all hated the driving part though.I was happy to see nurses that actually had time to ask the right questions,and provide good care-They even got LUNCH breaks...omg.

I liked working as a CNA for the most part but seeing all of those sad nurses made me reconsider pursuing the RN degree.

Luckily I got to meet some Cool,happy Nurses in HH to give me another perspective.So,I guess that you should just find someplace that you like working at.

My problem now is I think that I will have to work for a year in ltc,or hospital before I can do HH...

glb1960 · Aug 3, 2007

Hang in there everyone. I have been in the hospital in peds bone marrow transplant just over 2 years and I can still remember feeling that way like it was 2 weeks ago. And, sadly enough, still feel overwhelmed sometimes. You are all bright enough to figure out this nursing thing and be successful. It took me about 9 - 10 months to feel like I truely got this thing and felt under control. And then as soon as I did, management began pushing me to begin ICU training. EEKKKK!!! Again, after some time, all went well. You' ll all "get it" too!!! Best thing I did was get assertive with the management and begin to tell them "NO" to extra shifts, over time, poor scheduling and no breaks. Start developing your backbone, you'll need it to survive AND do your best for your pt's. Can't let doc's or management get away with pushing us around.

Good luck and God bless, Gary

actress8503 · Aug 3, 2007

Jamonit...when I read your post I seriously wondered if you had just read my mind because I am feeling that way about everything you listed. I am a new gard (Graduated May 12th) on a Neuro ICU floor with only 2 weeks left on orientation. I am scared to death! I often feel like I am drowning. And I almost always have to spend an hour after my shift is over charting because I fell so far behind during the shift because I was so busy with patient care. It can be very overwhelming. I have tried so hard to figure out how I can move faster and not look so stupid half the time (I tend to ask a million questions and often I wonder if my preceptor thinks I am retarded, although she is really nice). I obssess over medications, checking them over and over again before giving them. My preceptor tells me I am just lacking confidence which makes me feel awful because I am a confident person, this job is just the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I seriously had this glamerous vision of myself walking onto my unit as a new grad who really knew her stuff and wowed my preceptors and staff. I really wanted to make a good first impression. Now I feel so far away from that, it isn't even funny. I like the people I work with, but I often question what they may say behind my back. I have seen some of them have what I like to call gossip hour when they suprisingly have some down time (I don't know how they manage the down time) and they say some pretty harsh things about one another. Its very disheartening. I'd like to think they understand I am a newbie and don't pass judgement, but there are like 5 or 6 new people along with me on my unit and I feel like they rank us on who will turn out to be the best new nurse. I had a really bad feeling they talk crap about me when this particular incident happend: 2 nights ago when I worked, heard an alarm going off in a patient's room that wasn't mine. I walked in there and this lady was trying to get out of bed and she was attached to an EVD, art line, etc! I turned the EVD off to the patient (becuase you are supposed to anytime they sit higher or lower than the drain), told her to lie down, and told her I would find her nurse. I found the nurse a few doors down helping another nurse and told her that her patient was trying to get out of bed and use the batheroom and her reaction really scared me. She was like, "WHAT! Is she out of bed now?! Why didn't you offer her a bedpan?" and when I explained what I had done for the patient she just gave the other nurse in the room this look and they both exchanged this glance that read "This new grad is so stupid." I replied, "I can go get her a bed pan...I just am not familiar with her and thought it was best that you attend to her needs..." and she was like, "Forget it, I'll get her the bed pan." No thank you or anything. Just annoyance in her tone of voice. I was pissed...I already was having a bad night. To make matters worse, I always feel like me and my preceptor get the hardest patients to care for on the floor. Something is always going wrong during my shift and I know it's an ICU and these sort of things happen, but I mean something is happening like every hour of the shift to my patients...even my preceptor tells me they are hard patients, so I don't think it is fair when she tells me I need to move quicker when I am trying my very hardest and learning how to handle siutations like this for the very first time. I am sorry this is so long. I just really wanted to vent...and now I feel a lot better. Anybody have suggestions on how one can improve with time management?

Preemienurse23 · Aug 3, 2007

Well, if you're crazy, then you and I can share a room at the psych hospital

I get the padded room!! :trout: I am in level 3 NICU and have felt so overwhelmed sometimes. Our unit has doubled in size, and there are 13 new grads/interns in there right now! So sometimes we (along with our preceptor) have to take the real critical ones, like a 24 weeker, and I for one am not ready. I still get kinda panicky when they start to turn intresting shades of blue and none of the experienced nurses are there.

Thankfully, I have talked to some of my fellow grads, and they are in the same boat, and my feelings of being left behind are all imagined! I suggest you find the "good" nurses, and learn from them.

brownladyspn · Aug 4, 2007

I never thought it would be like this. I thought I was the only one who felt exactly what was in your post. I constantly am trying to figure out what will make things better. Is it staffing? Management? Teamwork? I don't know. I do know this the instructors in schools need to be more forth coming about the realities of nursing. The patient to nurse ratio is CRAZY. I have been a med-surg nurse for 8 months now and I always have 5-6 pt's a shift at least. I am an LPN, but I work side by side with RN's and take care of the same pt's they take care of. I sometimes think I have the more unstable patients. While in school I was taught that the LPN takes care of the more stable "predictable" patient. That has not been the case. While I am thankful for the opportunity to take care of these patients I often am very uncomfortable in these situations. I work three 12 hour night shifts and spend most of my days off trying to recover from my shifts and then preparing to go back (metallly and physically). No I never thought it would be like this.

jkosinski9 · Aug 4, 2007

hey new nurses nurses,
did you ever think:
--that you would ever feel so tired (both mentally and physically)
--that you could not go back another day (because your confidence was shaken)
--that you are so afraid to make mistakes
--that you'd lay awake going through the day feeling like you forgot to do something or that you did something wrong
--that you're preceptors haven't prepared you for having a full load of pts
--that management/HR recruiters/educators/professors have lied to you, promising all these great opportunities but really nursing is full of horizontal abuse and has a crazy learning curve
--that you will never learn how to manage your time/organize your day
--that you were thrown to the wolves
--that this profession is harder than anything you've done in the past
--that you wish that staffing ratios were more fair
--that the floor gossip would be this mean
???
i have been a nurse for 5 months and i already feel such a lack of confidence, security or hope. i was wondering if these thoughts were common, or if it's all in my head.
please tell me that i'm not just a crazy newbie.

I have been a nurse for 15 years and still feel this way. :uhoh3:

Sabby_NC · Aug 4, 2007

Yes I agree with above post.

Seek out support. Find your preceptor and talk about your issues and fears.

If nursing is truly what you desire to do then all this is only going to strengthen your resolve.

Is what you are doing the right field of nursing for you.

Remember nursing is very diverse. Maybe you have not found your niche yet.

You are only 'fresh' at this job.

I shudder when I think back to being out on the ward at night, in charge, and only been out of my training for several months. I did it only by the Grace of God and no boo boo's.

Nursing has changed tremendously since then.

Hang in there. I am pleased you came here to post and vent. That is a start to get it 'out' rather than stewing alone about all of your fears.

Nursing is the MOST rewarding job. I have worked in many different areas and now, only now, after 30 years have I found my 'home' in Hospice nursing.

How are you feeling today eh? :icon_hug:

marvelous_truth · Aug 4, 2007

I hear you! I just got home from work and am so wound up I can't sleep. The unit educator approached me today and told me she wanted to take me off orientation a week early and give me a full pt. load on Monday. (They think I'm ready)
My preceptors have been great. In fact, everyone on the unit has been....but it is an acute care medicine unit...I am SO busy with these pts..giving blood, PCA's, lots of ARP pts, dressings changes, insulin or heparin gtts, various tubes ~ PTC, Gtubes,PEG tubes, chest tubes..
Nurses here only take 4 pts...so I feel like maybe I should feel lucky....but they are so acute, and we have lots of codes.
I am really anxoius about 'being on my own'.
Two things that I wish were talked about more in nursing school are the HUGE amount of paperwork a nurse does and how to manage time......I had such an unrealistic view of what a nurse really does! I mean..I wish i could be there for all 4 at once but I have to keep 're-prioritizing'...THINGS CHANGE SO FAST!...and I always feel I am 'behind' or forgetting to do something...oh how I hope this gets better...(all this stress and I really like my unit)...sorry to go on and on.

Are you familiar with award winning Educator John Taylor Gotto?

I am convinced that the education system is designed to make drones of us for the system.

Does anyone not feel that the education system does not give true perspective of the nature of all of jobs you train and educate for?

suanna · Aug 5, 2007

First 3 mos I hated the job- and I wasn't very good. I started at a small community hospital for the more intimate slower pace- and you described my life exactly. At 4 mos everything changed. My Head Nurse told me she wanted to put me back in orientation because I just wasn't cutting it. - I quit and went to a bigger medical center. There the practice matched my training, the support was doubled and with all the options avail. I was able to find a position on a unit that worked great for me. Within 2 mos. I was teamleading and precepting new staff. I've been here 24years now and will most likely be here until I retire. Do I still hate my job-yes, every now and then, but all-in-all it's a good career. More good days than bad and every now and then I get to help change someones life. More than that you can't ask from a job.

Lilnurse0803, RN · Aug 5, 2007

Absolutely great thread. I myself am a new nurse (graduated in January and started my first nursing job in May). I am currently entering the third month of my orientation (1st month in Postpartum/GYN, second month in L&D triage, going onto Labor and Delivery full speed ahead for about 6-8 weeks) and I am very fortunate to have been blessed with an amazing preceptor. She is amazing, patient, and very nurturing. I get along with everyone on the unit and respect all for their time and experience on the unit despite their job description because they definitely know a lot more than I do. However, my preceptor is going on vacation for three weeks and I have been left to orient with a nurse who has loads of experience, but is known to have a strong attitude at times. She and I speak occasionally and she has helped me with some things before and we have an understanding that I am orienting and need supervision often, but I am still a little anxious about doing something wrong to annoy her enough to not want to work with me. I don't want to feel "in the way and clumsy", but being around her does that to me sometimes. Having her hoovering close to me makes me so nervous that I fumble. With my preceptor, I never, ever feel this way.

Luckily, I have great support from the other nurses on the shift, but just knowing that my comfort is being with my preceptor and that will make training in L&D over the next few weeks a little harder. I pray everynight and morning to the Lord for support, patience, and understanding to deal with whatever comes along, but in the world of L&D being new is hard and training with someone new who is known to be difficult at times will make this even harder for me.

I am sure this is common, but I felt the need to express this out to help me feel better about what I am experiencing. I love my job and have learned so much. I pray that the next three weeks will be better than I am anticipating.

Thanks to all for your kind words and undying support. We are all in this together and will succeed. Time and patience will help us get to where we want to be. God bless you all!

marvelous_truth · Aug 5, 2007

I was thinking there must be a level of comfort in the scrubs?

Do you new nurses enjoy them?