I go for my intake assessment for NHP program on Thursday and I’m extremely anxious on the outcome as my situation is unique.
Last year I was working as a RPN in a palliative care unit. This unit was extremely toxic, always short staffed and recently had a management change which was not floor nurse friendly. I was almost 6 months pregnant at the time and the stress was really starting to get to me. I also have PTSD from my ex/first child as it was an extremely abusive relationship. So even though my fiancé is amazing was extremely supportive and involved throughout my pregnancy my mental health deteriorated as my pregnancy progressed. Then in November I lost my grandmother unexpectedly (she passed away on the toilet and my family and I found her there) and my ex (whom I have always tried to maintain some what of a positive co parenting relationship for our daughters sake despite the abuse and his addictions) hit rock bottom and was living in a tent. In the same weekend I had to help convince my ex’s parent to help get him into detox/rehab and bury my grand mother. At this point I started having panic attacks at work went to the doctor and took a stress leave to cope with my mental health. I was not sleeping well, exhausted, anxious and extremely depressed and just not functioning whatsoever.
At the time I was dual licensed as a RPN and RN as I have just wrote and passed my NCLEX. I was still actively seeking employment as an RN. I was offered a full time job at a hospice in the beginning of December. Despite being 6+ months pregnant they didn’t realize I was pregnant at the interview. I made sure they knew how far along I was when I was offered the position. They called me back and instead tried to offer me a casual position - which I declined as it only made sense to take full time with benefits and quit my old position as a RPN.
I worked 5 orientation shifts in which I now recognize I was not mentally ready to come back to work. My anxiety attacks which we’re improving came back full force, and my depression and sleep issues once again worsened. They fired me on my last orientation shift (which I’m sure they were happy about anyways so they didn’t have to pay out maternity benefits) A month later I received a report from the board of nursing in Ontario. They had reported me, but somehow chalked my anxiety/depressions up to symptoms of diversion. I was 7 months pregnant and currently have a healthy 6 month old that I’m exclusively breastfeeding. I was not taking drugs whatsoever.
After I stopped working as a nurse I worked only casually at my ex’s family bar to help out and build my confidence back. My mental health improved but I was still struggling with anxiety and depression throughout the remainder of my pregnancy. Once I gave birth in March, my mental health shifted and within a week I honestly felt like my old self again. I’ve been doing great since. Since April, I’ve moved 2 hours north, started a new job which is low stress and only one 8 hr shift a week until my Mat leave ends in March then it’ll be part time. On top of that I’ve gone through a legal battle with my ex and managed the stress in a healthy fashion!
I am completely willing to enter a mental health monitoring contract regarding my perinatal and post partum mental health but I am scared to be labeled with a substance abuse problem. In my medical records there is stuff from when I was a 20 year old (about 10 years ago before I had my daughter and entered nursing school) talking about substance mis use. I have ADHD, do not smoke weed or do any drugs. I drink socially that’s it.
Do you think they will still sentence me to recovery treatment/AA meetings/drug testing despite this NOT being a drug problem?
