Downtrodden Nurse

[Jtkknj6]

I am going to try and not make this post whiny. Please don't read it in the tone.

I am a few weeks shy of having my first year completed as an RN. My experience has included ICU and a short stint on a

dual detox psych unit as a charge nurse but I cannot shake the feeling of depression at this time. Ill give you a little background.

I am a father of 4 children under 10yrs old and my wife is a stay at home mother. Even if she worked daycare alone would negate any benefit of the extra income. I have an enormous amount of student debt that will come calling in about a year as I am working towards my BSN online at this time.

Making ends meet is hard and I know you all understand. Adding the low income to the fact that finding what I want to do as a nurse seems impossible makes this career hard to swallow.

My goal when I began nursing school was to become a CRNA. My ICU experience however has not been the greatest and frankly I feel anxiety ridden when at work. I currently work at a small 6 bed ICU and my orientation was about..... a few minutes..... I have picked things up quickly and am fairly comfortable with drips and vent patients although the last 6'8 350lb OD vent patient who came with Dip at 200ml/hr and no BP while vomiting profuse amounts of charcoal and sandwich really sent me for a loop.

I am beginning to look into case management as I feel like this type of nursing might be better suited for me. I use to think I did great under pressure but now I am not so sure despite being reassured I am doing excellent at work (by fellow staff, the administration provides no encouragement whatsoever).

Looking back I should have started at a larger hospital and gone through a formal and long orientation process to feel more comfortable but at the time I could not afford the low pay ($17.80) to go through this.

Sorry for the rambling I am just kind of at a loss right now. I want this career to be one I can love and excel at. I want to feel good about work (at least most days). Is this normal for a new nurse? My mother was a nurse and father was in insurance for 38 years so case management is naturally drawing me now I just don't know if it would be a good choice.

Should I look into a larger ICU? Are they run better? Will I feel more comfortable?

Please ask me to clarify anything, it is late and I cannot sleep with all this whirling around in my head right now.

Thank you,

CJ

Edit: I realized I forgot a MAJOR part of all this.

I am having to work weekend option just to make ends meet and it is tearing my familiy apart. I cannot attend church and cannot function well on nights. This is adding to my issues but when I add up what I would be making on days it turns my stomach. It seems like their is no possible way we could afford to live on the pay and we are pretty bare bones already.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

You almost have your year of time in ... it wouldn't hurt to look around at your options. In going from a full-time freestanding ER to also working per diem at a very large Level 2 trauma center, I found that there are just so many more resources and much more support at larger facilities; you might find the same in a larger ICU. I suspect that coming off of nights and all weekends would help greatly. Some people just aren't cut out to be on the night shift, it screws with your internal clock and doesn't mesh with your circadian rhythms. I don't hear whining in your post -- far from it. I hear a man who wants to support his family while following his passion, and I believe it's possible. Best of luck!

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

How horrible for you and your family right now. I have to say that bills will always be there but your doing this for your family. If it's tearing them and yourself apart, start looking into something else. To me, it's not worth it when it starts to be negative for the whole family. You can take a lot, but families can break apart. You have so much on your plate right now, all I can do is wish you the very best in whatever you decide. :redpinkhe:heartbeat:redpinkhe

[Always_Learning, BSN, RN]

I say look around, at least...just looking at other options can make me feel better in the short term, sometimes. Best of luck to you. :hug:

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

Get off nights. Your family is more important.

Go round all your nursing agencies and see where you can work, & see if you can work the hours/days you want. This will take some of the pressure off. I suppose you could cut down to part time at the job you have, & do agency work, or try & get full time agency work. It will pay better but you may get shifts cancelled.

Can you get family/friends to help out with babysitting at all?

I've seen too many people I know who have missed out on their kids' first steps or birthday parties, & their marriages have broken up due to shift work. I used to see my other half only on my way out to work - he'd be coming in & I'd be leaving - and it's horrible, just awful for ur relationship.

Also apply to other nursing units except ICU. I think that is too stressful for a new grad to cut their teeth on. Med/surg is better in my opinion.

Good luck, hope it all works out.

[Guest717236]

My prayers are with you and hope you find the right path that

will favor your family needs with your career goals.

Now that you have a year, transition out of the night shift.

Clueless what case mgmt in hospital pays, but outpatient psych the

pay was very low.

Look at outpatient psych, you have the detox and psych experience.

If there is a VA in your area, they paid the tuition and my friend received

her masters degree in exchange for a number of years working at the

hospital.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. You are the caregiver full time

at work and when you are home along with your wife.

What other networks from your interests do you have? Even if it is

brief, take some time for yourself . Nursing esp in specialty areas can

drain us and combined with rotating shifts or night shifts can sometimes

level us.

By taking some time to connect with your friends, you can get a short

recess from the stress and regroup.

What type of work did you do before nursing? Bring those strengths forward

as you look for new opportunities...

[Jtkknj6]

I simply cannot thank everyone enough for their posts. I have had a few options opening up lately, including a psych unit with a 6:1 ratio which is much better than my previous 32:1 (no kidding). Im going to have to find the lease stressful job at this moment in time. Wife just got diagnosed with Graves disease as well. When life is a chore something has to give. Even considering taking a 13 week assignment away from home so we can have funds to buy a house. Thank you all for your kindness.

I will pay it forward.

CJ