Double the trouble

[n22885, BSN, RN]

Hey all, long story but super important and messy. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

 I am an RN BSN and I was recently caught on camera removing paperwork from a narc count sheet. The subsequent shifts realized a whole 30 card of oxycodone and 5 Vicodin were missing. I took the pills. I only took 16 of them. I had been working full time at this nursing home during covid on night shift.  And part time at a local hospital during day shift. On one night I saw three of my favorite patients pass away horrible, breathlessness gagging deaths from covid.  I have a high risk son. I was terrified. I decided to remove the meds in case I got sick, that way I could confine myself to my room and die with some peace and dignity. I did not intend on killing myself unless I got really sick. I also did not intend on abusing the narcs. However my lawyer is pushing the fact that substance abuse is treated lighter than a suicide attempt. So she told me to go to an inpatient rehab for 30 days and make sure I test positive for opiates. I took one 5 mg in the way to the center and competed the program. 
 

I am terrified, more so because this is not my first rodeo with the board. I had a misdemeanor possession and a DUI back in 2008. I competed the monitoring and had restrictions on my nursing license. I was an LPN, when I got my RN My license was uncumbered.

I just recently have been dealing with some domestic issues and have filed a restraining order against my s.o. Last year in 2019 I was charged with a DUI but it was dropped to wreckless op. I never reported it. One thing I learned is to never tell them anything. (I self reported back in 2008) I was naive and thought they were there to help nurses. Anyways, does anyone know anything about having another consent agreement on a separate license? 
The facility never drug tested me, they did however notify the board and the authorities. 

I am diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I take Ativan infrequently. During covid I lost my damn mind. Dealing with the unknown and my issues at home with my ex fiancé led me down a path I wish I would have never gone down.  
My lawyer is adamant on saying I am an addict and I have already gone to rehab per her request. I personally feel it was PTSD, but she said I don’t need any more “psych” stuff on my record. 
In conclusion does anyone know of anyone that has had 2 separate consent agreements for two different incidents on different licenses? I’m lost. Defeated. I also hired a criminal lawyer for my pending charges and he told me to hold on to the narcs. Yes I still have all 16 oxycodone and the 5 Vicodin.  Ready and willing to return them. 
 

This nursing home is shady, I was a DON there briefly and requested a demotion. We had no supplies and we were grossly understaffed. The only evidence they have is my lawyers admission and video surveillance of paperwork being removed. That day I had worked 7am until 7pm at the hospital and 11 until 7 at the nursing home. Very understaffed.  Any advice please! ?

[n22885, BSN, RN]

The typos are mistakes. I tried to fix them, but my phone wouldn’t let me. Sry for the long read. 

[AbbeyR, ADN, BSN]

First let me say, I’m sorry we are all going this PTSD from being covid nurses, it’s taking a toll on all of us. Is your lawyer one who specializes in licensing? Honestly I’m surprised they told you to take a narc to test positive. You could have said you’re not using and had a negative UA. I’m in MI I have seen multi disciplines on licenses and they still hold a active license with their state BON and criminal convictions. My state is a mandatory report conviction state so if you were convicted do you for the reckless charge are you required to report? 
this is a great resource for info and help, it’s gotten me thur some bad days. Are you working as a nurse now?  

[n22885, BSN, RN]

I’m not working right now. My lawyer told me to place it on inactive status. I never reported the wreckless op. 

[AbbeyR, ADN, BSN]

You should see a Specialist that does evals for your states monitoring program and get cleared as safe to practice. If you’d want to go back to work as a nurse. 

[Scared2020]

That has to be the worst advice from a lawyer I have ever heard!  What in the world....does this lawyer specialize in nursing action??
 

I also diverted.  I am undergoing 4 years of monitoring with a year suspended license.  Most BON are punitive when it comes to diversion, they don’t really care the reason.  

[AbbeyR, ADN, BSN]

@Scared2020 Right... 

[rn1965, ADN]

Make sure your attorney specializes in license defense (TAANA.org).  It seems strange they want you to hold on to the pills.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself.  If you have an issue with meds/depression, etc, FIRST AND FOREMOST, get help for yourself.  You have to be healthy to go down this monitoring road, it is draining.  I am not trying to scare you, just stating facts. 

Good luck to you, stay strong, and let us know how you are doing!

[jnks]

A lot of this actually makes some sense to me... holding onto the pills can prove she didn’t sell them... testing positive upon entering treatment is usually necessary if you want your health insurance to pay for it...  
I am dual-diagnosed (pretty severe end type 1 bipolar & PTSD as well) in addiction to long term polysubstance addiction.  I played my mental health issues down and that has not been a big deal. They do take suicide attempts/plans/hospitalization VERY seriously (at least in California), seemingly more that substance addiction (but I only know about that with people already in monitoring. 
Also, I had two separate complaints but on the same license. I completed Diversion from 2010-2014 for diverting Dilaudid. I have been in again for over a year this time because someone found my kit at work (heroin, spoon, syringes etc). It went off my record before and will again should I complete. This is definitely my last chance with them though. I didn’t respect the illness enough the first time and thought I had moved past it. Now I realize I should never work around IV narcotics again and I take Vivitrol.