Okay. I was wondering if any of your parents think you will take care of them when they are older and can't take care of themselves b/c you are going to be nurse?
My mom has MS. This is very heartbreaking. But, my problem is that she keeps hinting to me that I can take care of her years down the road. I don't want to. I have no interest in doing home health care, period. I understand how harsh this is. And no, I don't want to shove her into a nursing home, my dad will most likely be around, I have three older sisters and my mom has four sisters. I am not saying I wouldn't help out one day a week or anything. I just don't want to give up a great job that I worked really hard for and busted my ass in school, no thanks to my parents.
You should make it known to your siblings that while you may be the nurse, you're going to expect some help. Or let them know flat our you're not going to be involved whatsoever.
. She had a major auto accident every couple of years. And she usually has a big bad boo boo type thing once a year. Last year she step wrong off a curb and hurt her arm. This summer she twisted her leg while walking across the yard. She is only 52 years old. If she so much as stumps her toe its a really giant deal. The first thing to go is her ability to drive. This means you must take her for a all day grocery shopping marathon on Sunday's, and to the store for stuff she forgot every single day throughout the week. At the same time she is saying she is too injured to drive or do something she doesn't want to do she will be on her hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor or lifting boxes over her head in the garage. It's insane. She is very needy, and loves attention. I don't want to even think about what will happen when dad is no longer here, or she really is old.
The more I think about it travel nursing is looking sooo good. In my travels you never know I may find another state across the country that I want to settle into.
you need to set limits NOW, you (and other siblings or whomever) are enabling this behavior.....ONE trip to the grocery etc......and visit once during the week for no particular reason ......this woman is younger than i am, this really irratates me!
I know she is so young to be acting so old lol. Unfortunately I am an only child. I try to set limits, but the guilt...oh the guilt. To make matters worse she is one of those people who will push you. She will say all I need is for you to take me to get a loaf of bread. So you take her to the store to get a loaf of bread.....3 hours later with an entire basket full of stuff your back in the car. Then its oh...I forgot really need to stop by the bank. Then oh look there's the dry cleaners I need to pick up your dads pants. Finally 6 hours later......lol
She also has a phobia about driving far away. When I say far away I mean anywhere out of the suburb we live in. She also will not get on any expressways, tollways, or highways. So if she has to go anywhere out of the general area she needs a ride. Since she already has an accident every couple of years I would feel bad forcing her to drive where she doesn't feel comfortable because if she had a wreck it would be all my fault....
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
Morte....
I know she is so young to be acting so old lol. Unfortunately I am an only child. I try to set limits, but the guilt...oh the guilt. To make matters worse she is one of those people who will push you. She will say all I need is for you to take me to get a loaf of bread. So you take her to the store to get a loaf of bread.....3 hours later with an entire basket full of stuff your back in the car. Then its oh...I forgot really need to stop by the bank. Then oh look there's the dry cleaners I need to pick up your dads pants. Finally 6 hours later......lol
She also has a phobia about driving far away. When I say far away I mean anywhere out of the suburb we live in. She also will not get on any expressways, tollways, or highways. So if she has to go anywhere out of the general area she needs a ride. Since she already has an accident every couple of years I would feel bad forcing her to drive where she doesn't feel comfortable because if she had a wreck it would be all my fault....
Well, to be blunt, if you don't set limits, you are going to have to put up with this, and worse, for probably a very long time.
She can't make you into a doormat unless you allow it. For people to walk all over you, you have to lie down first.
You aren't responsible for her phobias, her driving ability or the lack thereof, nor for any accidents she may or may not have. The only way her wreck would be all your fault would be if you were in the other vehicle and ran into her!
Well, to be blunt, if you don't set limits, you are going to have to put up with this, and worse, for probably a very long time.
She can't make you into a doormat unless you allow it. For people to walk all over you, you have to lie down first.
You aren't responsible for her phobias, her driving ability or the lack thereof, nor for any accidents she may or may not have. The only way her wreck would be all your fault would be if you were in the other vehicle and ran into her!
yup, if you need to , think of the fact that by enabling her, you are taking away many life experiences from her
My mother believes I will help out economically. I'm 20 and she still wants me to stick around/or send her money. Will be hard enough for myself in the beginning, let alone subsidizing someone else. Also sounds cold hearted in my case, but I think you should be more financially independent than your child.
Not all LTC facilities are horrible places. There are some good ones out there. But if you wait until you really need one to start looking for one, then you will end up with whatever you can arrange at the last minute -- probably NOT the best one available.
My family is lucky to have a very nice retirement community in our home town. My grandparents and my mother all died there. (My father died in ICU and never made it to LTC.) Just last night, my stepfather was transferred to their sub-acute unit after being in the hospital recently for pneumonia. We expect him to be discharged to his home in the retirement community in a few days.
Someday, when I am in need, I expect to live (and probably die) there.
ITA with that!
You have to remember, your family may feel the same way you do. Even though you all love your mom very much, it is a lot of work to take care of another person who is so dependent upon you. I know a lot of people think they can handle it, but when it comes down to it, it is really difficult and at that point they may not want to say how hard it is for fear of hurting their loved ones feelings.
You really shouldn't rule out LTC. There are a lot of nice places if you look into it. And it is better to talk about it now, when she can help make the decisions, rather than waiting until everyone is exhausted from the whole situation and no one can agree on anything.... KWIM??
Good luck to you.
One of my friends just placed her father in the Alzheimer's unit of a facility in her home town. It's probably not paradise, but it can provide the 24-hour care he needs and she is satisfied with it.
Don't rule anything out. Your mother may be able to live at home for a long time with community services. But either way -- your family needs to actually investigate the possibilities. My family lives in a small town and there aren't a lot of home services available. But there are a couple of good LTC's available -- run by local churh groups. Other communities may have great home health services, but not very LTC's.
Specializes in Critical care, Pediatris & Geriatrics.
Actually I couldn't look at my mother and 'put her away' in a home. It would be a very difficult thing for me to do. I understand medical problems and so forth, but what about bringing your mother into your own home and hiring a home health caregiver? or keeping her in her own home and hiring the correct caregivers? Seeing I"m not in your situation this is kind of a blind suggestion. I hope it works out for you in the overall and hope you both are happy and at peace in the future. Its a hard situation all the way around!
SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN
10,263 Posts
:yeahthat:
And the aunts.