Doctor bloopers

[ptnurse]

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in

the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's

dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that

there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.

Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and

slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I

instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her

husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five

minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he

had died of a "massive internal fart."

Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.

I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your

right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your

left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.

There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I

turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was

standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to

finish the exam.

Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,

he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his

medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put

on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put

it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped

wouldn't see . . . Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now,

the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new

one.

Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long

have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she

answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was

alive."

Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your

breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.

I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. When asked

to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY

Jelly."

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with

purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of

tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly

determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled

for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating

table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and

above it

there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was

completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,

which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

and finally...

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed

performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had

unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady

upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and

further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said,

"I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song

you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't admit his name

[kim93079]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[ICUnowOHN]

When she was completely disrobed on the operating

table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and

above it

there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was

completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,

which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

That's hilarious.:rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Teachchildren123]

:) :wink2: :rotfl: :roll :lol_hitti :thankya:

[Adam D. RN2005]

Oscar Meyer Weiner, Cute.

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

I had a MD that wrote some orders for a patient returning from his clinic. There were many orders and tests to be performed over the next few days...but something stuck out!

On the bottom of the order sheet was 'patient is NPO'...I gasped because our resident came in and immediately went to eat lunch! I called the MD and he totally DENIED writing that, and I said..."hold on Doctor, let me fax this back to you...it really honestly clearly states "patient is NPO".

I faxed it and he called me back (not a very nice doc to begin with...so him calling me back was really a rare occasion!), and he said "you are right, I am faxing the correction...I meant to say DNR".

I had room to totally chastise him about this..but didn't...but oh you should have heard the fun things we said at the front desk that day! LOL!!!!!

[lpnstudentin2010, LPN]

any others people?

[HazelLPN, LPN]

I was taking care of an elderly man with pneumonia who had just been taken of Os after being on the vent for about two weeks. The resident wrote "wean for sats>95%". I politely asked her if she wanted me to put a pillow over the man's face.

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

Doh! Lol!!!!!!!

[TreetopAngel_RN]

Patient with a leg wound admitted with orders that she was not to touch the mattress. Turns out the MD wanted her affected leg elevated so it wouldn't touch the mattress. Him, being of excellent sense of humor, I faxed him back my disappointment at having to cancel my trip to Home Depot for pullys and ropes....