Do you see good results with doulas?

hippienurse · Feb 2, 2005

Being a Doula, and having used a Doula--I say whole heartedly YES! Especially if you don't feel you have someone to support you during labor. If you have any specif questions, please PM me! :)

Zhlake · Feb 2, 2005

I am an L&D nurse that strongly believes in doulas. The research is staggering for how helpful they can be.

I have a supportive husband-but even so, a doula was great. We had several meetings during pregnancy, so she knew exactly what my fears, concerns etc were for labor. She knew what I wanted to help cope with the pain, and what I didn't want.

She helped me have a wonderful birth experience.

Jolie, BSN · Feb 2, 2005

Jess, I'm sorry that your boyfriend is unsupportive, and that you feel that you need to rely on someone else for help and encouragement during labor. Given your history, you definitely need someone to be there for you. Even if all goes picture-perfect this time, it is likely that your labor and delivery will provoke a mixture of great joy and great sadness. If your mom is not available this time, then I would definitely encourage you to consider a doula. Ask your OB/CNM, office nurse, or friends for a recommendation.

Can I make a suggestion without being overbearing? It sounds like you and your boyfriend would benefit from some counseling before the baby is born. Your post is raising some red flags in my mind, such as his unwillingness to attend childbirth classes, and his set notions about pain management. I know that some men don't get "into" childbirth preparation as much as we women do, and that is understandable, since they aren't the ones birthing the babies. But most fathers I know and have worked with have been willing to go along for the ride because they know how important it is to their partners, and they want to be able to support them and do what is best for their children. I'm worried, not only about his lack of interest, but also his unwillingness to do something that is so important to you and your child. If he is unwilling to prepare for the birth of this baby, I worry that he will be equally unwilling to prepare for and share a life-long commitment of parenting. You can't do it all by yourself.

His attitudes about pain medication concern me as well, as they smack of a control issue. I suspect that if he were hospitalized and being treated for a painful condition, you would respect his wishes regarding pain management. He owes you this same respect. I've had couples come in labor with the father attempting to control the mother's pain management. I have respectfully stated that the father is not my patient, and while I value his input, I will not be directed by his wishes, but by the mother's. That's what I would do in your circumstances as well, but it doesn't address the underlying issues of why he thinks he has the right to direct your care.

I'm glad that you are considering these things in advance. It sounds like you are willing to seek out the support you need. Best of luck to all of you; may you be blessed with a healthy, happy family!

BETSRN · Feb 2, 2005

The reason I am asking is I am thinking about using one for my delivery. My mom was my coach through my last pregnancy,which ended with my son being stillborn, and she was the only one who I trusted(baby's dad left before he died).....so here I am again, only my boyfriend is being dumb. I told him we will go to childbirth classes, so he can get an idea as to what to expect, and he laughed at me. Seems to think that none of that is important....I do, I learned alot with my first pregnancy attending those classes, and had fun. So he has no intentions of going to childbirth classes or learning anything like that. For that reason, and for the fact that he has a tendency to smother me( and thats the last thing I want when I am in labor) I am thinking about trying a doula. I need that female contact and support...I was just wondering how you have seen them working with laboring moms, and does it seem to help make labors easier or go more smoothly? Boyfriend says I will have meds if he thinks I need them(which I am going for med free delivery) and I want someone else who will be able to advocate for me....he's been clueless since Day one, even through morning sickness and everything else thinks pregnancy should be how he thinks it should be.....but i guess thats most men...

I am an L&D nurse and YES, I love doulas. Make sure you pick one you really click with. Interview several. They are ot cheap so make sure you have one you are happy with and comes recommended. Go to the DONA (Doulas of North America) website.

An another note, my concerns would lie with your boyfrind's attitude. You don't need someone acting like he is described. Do you need him in your life at all? I ask because I see these jerk guys frequently. Think long and hard about having him involved at all. He sounds like a loser (sorry). Hopefully you'll get a nurse who will straighten him out. This is never going to be all about him. Do what you need to do for you and ignore the clod!

SusanJean · Feb 2, 2005

My husband was in the OR for the birth of our son, but I always thought I would have a doula for the next pregnancy. He just never "got it" as far as what I needed for the pregnancy or delivery -- tho he tried.

I would definitely recommend getting one. Don't wait until the last minute tho, you want to find one you can work with, one that suits your personality.

SmilingBluEyes · Feb 2, 2005

http://www.dona.org

to find a doula near you.

I can't add to most of the above. I DO recommend you look into hiring one. Your boyfriend will appreciate the help, too! They are wonderful.

Mermaid4 · Feb 2, 2005

I think they can be wonderful but have seen some family members who are resentful of having them there. As one nurse who is hands on with massage and all the "doula" like activities, I will ask the patient what she - prefers and what role she would like us all to follow ( and I don't ask that when she is in significant pain). I will take the doula aside and talk about what she and the patient have discussed in order that everyone works together to make it as positive experience as possible. I have also had doulas who come in, sit with the patient and do not much else while I do all the hands on work, which is fine with me but unfair to the patient...I would love to do doula work on the side and get paid for it...I think if a patient has that in mind and wants to do it good for her, but I have also found that most of the patients referred to me by their friends, family or doctors , know they don't require one if I am their nurse....I think doulas can be a positive asset and applaud their committment to care.

palesarah · Feb 2, 2005

a good doula is worth her weight in gold! A former nurse who teaches some of the childbirth classes at our hospital also works occasionally as a doula, and while I've never personally had a patient working with her I have witnessed her in action and she is a great asset to any couple.