Do some families just find ANYTHING to complain about...?

CHATSDALE · Jul 30, 2006

some people are just so unknowledgeable about medical procedures..many non-medical people believe that you can't eat anything if you have an iv going they can't understand what tko means IF HE NEEDS AN IV FOR EMERGENCY THAN YOU MUST BE EXPECTING HIM TO DIE AT ANY MINUTE

talk with them when they shut up long enough for you to talk and yes encourage them to talk with doctor that is why he gets about 3x your salary

epiphany · Jul 30, 2006

This person is reacting to any or all of these things:

. Possibly losing her father.

. Strangers doing invasive things to him, which she doesn't understand.

. A distrust of hospital care like many people.

. A sudden feeling of lost of control over her environment.

It has nothing to do with what you did. You have years of education, that's why the treatment makes sense to you. If you explained this to calm, semi-intelligent person who doesn't have a very sick father at stake, they would understand this too. I wouldn't let her reaction upset me.

This is obviously not a comment against you because I don't know the details of how the communication transpired, but I always find that as soon as a family member feels that she/he can trust me, I get a lot more cooperation from them.

Plus, if she wants to see the doctor, she should.

justjenny · Jul 30, 2006

Just repeating what the other posters said....we once had a family member asking tons of questions so I referred her to the physician to answer her questions. After a wonderful explanation and a lengthy conversation the doctor left and the woman turned to me and said "what does outpatient mean?" It really opened my eyes to how little some people understand about medicine in general....

Jenny

purplemania, BSN, RN · Jul 30, 2006

and then there are those who know it all because they watch TV

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

epiphany · Jul 30, 2006

Don't get me started. I blame the TV for lots of things. Including the fact that all nurses do are wipe foreheads and say, "I'll get the doctor."

SilentfadesRPA · Jul 30, 2006

Erica,

I totally hear what your saying -- even in the most upsetting situations some behaviours are inappropriate and should not be tolerated much less listened to.

I can feel and interpet someone fear and mis-understanding and have great compassion. I also have respect for my profession and self compassion and know that to run out screaming and demanding is a bit too much.

Allowing these behavioral responses is where we start to loose respect for ourselves and by others as it is then seen as an way of acting that is OK.

I have many times willingly spent hours explaining situations to familes. However this is a hospital and that type of dramatics is upsetting to all patients and liberalizes other families to do similar.

I would have said follow me please into the room shut the door, and tell her my name is ___ and my position is. I know your upset Ms________

Then not said anything for a sec or two.

Firmly and professionally I would have told her of why it was decided by the MD to place an IV and stressed there is no medications in this.

If she starts to talk I say let me finish and I sure want to hear you then.

I would tell her she will be speaking to the MD.

I then as I handed her the MD pager(if allowed) or office number and tell her she can call him (if he is a private -- if it is a house MD I would tell her I am calling as soon as we are done here).

Finally I would have said Please know that here yelling and demanding does not work. I will respond to you adn all of your questions will be answered.

When you yell and demand your scaring patients and staff .Also when you yell I want you to know it is not a way folks like to respond.

I promise I will do my best by you. (at that piont I would touch her arm if I felt she was receptive)

You understand right that I can not have patients disturbed by yelling OK ?

If she is eye connecting with me or seems conncected I would then tell her with a joking manner she is going to get me in trouble if she does that again.

Then I would retell her if she had other questions to let me know and I will come in as soon as I can to explain any thing she needs to know.

I then would have had the admin on duty or nsg supervisor come up to see her as well so she is assured that we are on top of the situation and yet here for her concerns.

I would not further feed into this hysterical nonsense. (though clearly she does not know I think it is hysteria)

Obviously this is a woman that is use to control and very much out of it -- Sadly sounds like in more ways than one.

It sure is easy to play monday morning quarterback when I was not there lol but have been there done that and this usually works -- if it doesnt then hospital security is called.

Sorry you went thru this meshugass (insanity).

Marc

Ps several years ago I took this course called verbal judo that started off as a response for police when dealing with the public now has branched to many other professions- I have mostly seen it very effective in situations with upset patients and families and as well as with responses by persons dealing with them. I strongly reccommend it ( I have no connection with this agency) The tapes and courses can be found online.

justjenny · Jul 30, 2006

It's funny...sometimes the TV is helpful. We put scalp IVs into our babies sometimes and the parents are horrified (they think it is going into the baby's brain or something) but those who have watch TV (like Discovery Health Channel, etc. ) will say "Oh, yea she has the IV in her head..ok.." so it can prepare people for the really scary stuff (the reality health shows...not shows like ER, House, etc...)

Jenny

Gabie Baby · Jul 31, 2006

Erica,
I totally hear what your saying -- even in the most upsetting situations some behaviours are inappropriate and should not be tolerated much less listened to.
I can feel and interpet someone fear and mis-understanding and have great compassion. I also have respect for my profession and self compassion and know that to run out screaming and demanding is a bit too much.
Allowing these behavioral responses is where we start to loose respect for ourselves and by others as it is then seen as an way of acting that is OK.
I have many times willingly spent hours explaining situations to familes. However this is a hospital and that type of dramatics is upsetting to all patients and liberalizes other families to do similar.
I would have said follow me please into the room shut the door, and tell her my name is ___ and my position is. I know your upset Ms________
Then not said anything for a sec or two.
Firmly and professionally I would have told her of why it was decided by the MD to place an IV and stressed there is no medications in this.
If she starts to talk I say let me finish and I sure want to hear you then.
I would tell her she will be speaking to the MD.
I then as I handed her the MD pager(if allowed) or office number and tell her she can call him (if he is a private -- if it is a house MD I would tell her I am calling as soon as we are done here).
Finally I would have said Please know that here yelling and demanding does not work. I will respond to you adn all of your questions will be answered.
When you yell and demand your scaring patients and staff .Also when you yell I want you to know it is not a way folks like to respond.
I promise I will do my best by you. (at that piont I would touch her arm if I felt she was receptive)
You understand right that I can not have patients disturbed by yelling OK ?
If she is eye connecting with me or seems conncected I would then tell her with a joking manner she is going to get me in trouble if she does that again.
Then I would retell her if she had other questions to let me know and I will come in as soon as I can to explain any thing she needs to know.
I then would have had the admin on duty or nsg supervisor come up to see her as well so she is assured that we are on top of the situation and yet here for her concerns.
I would not further feed into this hysterical nonsense. (though clearly she does not know I think it is hysteria)
Obviously this is a woman that is use to control and very much out of it -- Sadly sounds like in more ways than one.
It sure is easy to play monday morning quarterback when I was not there lol but have been there done that and this usually works -- if it doesnt then hospital security is called.
Sorry you went thru this meshugass (insanity).
Marc
Ps several years ago I took this course called verbal judo that started off as a response for police when dealing with the public now has branched to many other professions- I have mostly seen it very effective in situations with upset patients and families and as well as with responses by persons dealing with them. I strongly reccommend it ( I have no connection with this agency) The tapes and courses can be found online.

Or just dial the doc's phone number and hand her the phone.

Erica1019 · Jul 31, 2006

Yes..I totally agree with everything you are all saying...the extra stress, the hospital environment, etc...but the thing that *frusterated* me was that even after a reply, with rationale (in non medical terms) she was still in a hizzy...and wow, thank god it was NS, and not a med or anything. I mean, maybe this is a good lesson for me...since Im the trained professional, I know the rationale for these seemingly standard procedures, but its always key to put yourself on the outside, and picture yourself not as a nurse coming into mom/dads hospital room and seeing a big bag of stuff flowing into their IV.....seee, learn somthing new everyday!!