Disheartened, distressed, and depressed!!

[Louisepug]

This is gonna be a long one so forgive me for my ranting. Anyway, I haven't posted on here in ages, I guess I've just been plain disgusted with the whole nursing field. Where do I start? I've been an RN now for a year and a half, but have not worked as one that entire time. The first job I took was on a geriatric-psychiatric unit, lets just say, I think that experience scarred me for life, in fact I'm working with the Human Rights Commission to try to get the unit shut down. Never in my life have I seen more abuse, misuse of power, insensitivity, and just plain horror on a unit. Nurses yelling at dementia patients, electroshock therapy against the will of an old man (yes!)Patients in seclusion against will without documentation, and I found two men once who were almost strangled by velcro vests put on improperly in a chair!! During my time on this unit I feel that I displayed an immense amount of compassion and hard work towards my patients and their families, and never once was this recognized by my boss. What WAS recognized was the fact that I had to miss quite a bit of work due to numerous things. One, I pulled my back out moving a patient so was out a few days for that, then I developed debilitating chronic daily headaches and migraines (which I still have), and I had to check into a mental health unit myself for a week for severe depression. Yet, I came back to the job and persisted at it until I could take no more and accepted a job as a hospice nurse. I gave my 2 weeks notice, but my nurse manager said "the next day can be your last." She was a nasty, horrid woman. So, off I went to do my hospice job, which mind you, I didn't know I'd be "case managing" when I came on board. The job description was entirely vague. I envisioned myself at dying peoples bedsides comforting them and using my nursing skills, but NO! This was pure administration, and paperwork out the wazoo!!! Talk about zero job satisfaction. I didn't work my butt off in school to be a paperwork nurse, so I gave them a proper 2 weeks and left. At this job I apparently also called in sick a lot according to my past supervisor. Well, I WAS SICK!!! So now here I am, jobless, living off inheritance money which is quickly running out and I don't know what to do. I am a good person with so much compassion in my heart but I am disgusted by this field called "nursing." It's not nursing, it's just corporate America, money hungry at a sick persons will. I've thought that there are possibly 2 fields I could handle, labor and delivery or cosmetic surgery nursing, but considering my past illnesses...who's going to hire me?? I am so depressed over what has happened. Someone please help. should I try something else in nursing, and what do I do about the past jobs? Or should I do something completely new?? Any and all help is so appreciated.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

should I try something else in nursing, and what do I do about the past jobs? Or should I do something completely new??

Here is a hug. (((hug))) :icon_hug: I am sorry to hear about your troubles in nursing.

In general, hospital med-surg units are hurting badly for nurses, and might hire you without many questions asked about your past work history. In addition, nursing homes and skilled nursing facilities frequently hire nurses without interviews, questions, background checks, and so forth.

Keep trying. Your niche is out there, somewhere.

[Kymmi]

The first job sounds like a nightmare and if your perception was correct about the things that are going there I dont understand how they are still open. The hospice job is alot of paperwork but when I was doing hospice/homecare we also had patient time.

I have to wonder if you've been a nurse for 1 1/2 years and stated you havent worked as one Im assuming that you didnt have either of the above jobs for a very long time. I think any job takes some time to decide whether it is for you or not. I agree that the first job was one I wouldnt have stuck around in but I might have stuck out the hospice job until I at least had another position lined up. I see alot of people (not just nurses) that just quit a job because they do not like it and they have no other job lined up. I guess thats something I dont understand because all of us have things in our life we dont like but have to do to live.

Also I think it sounds like you suffer from major depression and frequent illnesses so therefore I'd make sure to get that under control before embarking on another job because if you are off sick alot at the next job that would not look good at all. I realize that when you're sick you're sick however employers look at that as not being dependable. I know major depression can make everything in your life seem hopeless and that includes your perception of jobs so until that is under control you just might find any job you have you will not like or be able to function in.

Good Luck

[NHCNurse]

Do you need benefits right now? Our hospitals love PRN workers and it would allow you to get some experience on different units and say no to work on days you aren't feeling well. Just an idea.

Good Luck!

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I am sorry to hear that your first year in nursing was such a disappointment. I can also understand your dismay, because it is true, this is not really nursing, it is factory and production work. The useless, time consuming paperwork takes time away from true patient care and we spend more time covering our butts than actually being allowed to do the right thing.

I felt a similar way, but not as intense, but I still became anxious, and made the decision to take medication to take the edge off. I feel much better now and am able to see clearer. I also think that you need to take time to care for yourself. I assume that you need benefits for counseling, but I am sure there are free services to take advantage of in the meantime. Maybe working per diem would be a good idea. You can see the lay of the land, and if they decide to hire you, you can make a more educated decision. But, take care of yourself, first.

[Kymmi]

Really good idea about working agency...hadnt thought about that but that way you'd have $$ coming in however not be committed to anything full time.

[MoriahRoseRN]

Hi,

the prn thing is a great way of getting in the door, and seeing if you like it. I've done this my self in the past, and it has really helped, because you really don't know the true details until you get in there. Another thing to consider is to ask a lot of questions, and don't just take a job out of desperation. Shadow some other nurses for a couple of days before you accept a position, and be nosey, ask a lot of questions, you will get a better feel for the place. BTW, I totally understand where you are coming from about nursing and how the focus is not really on the patient as much as it is on the $. I found a job I really liked doing, but the nurses were such butt's. It is so hard to learn a new job when the support is not there. BTW, I remember your login name. Welcome back, and I wish you luck and I hope the best for you. Also, I usually don't quit a job, I try to go PRN. Even if I have found another job, I will hang on to it for a while so it doesn't look like I have quit after such a short time.