Disenlightened
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I thought home health was where I wanted to be. After working a little over a month, I have developed an ulcer, been on antidepressants for 10 years, yet for the first time in my life, I became suicidal. I have never been that type of person.
I have been run ragged, never see my family. All and all a very depressing situation. I'm seriously considering going into LTC because I have burnt so many bridges in the last 2.5 years that I don't have much options left. I just haven't found anything I like.
I should be starting a NP program this coming month, I am praying that it gets me where I belong. I love to educate, love taking care of patients.
My issues through out my entire career (a whole 2.5 years) have been:
1. Hospitals = no time for patients patient:nurse ratio unreasonable.
2. Office pay sucks, and even though I loved doing it, there's never any openings.
3. Home health, I am constantly getting the runaround, literally. I get a company car, company gas card was paid reasonably well, but not for the hours I put in.
Current situation is, generally I do between 4-8 visits a day. Usually minimum of 30-1 hour drive between, so I usually leave around 7-9am (depending on patient need) not get home until 8-9pm. Spend 2 hours doing paperwork (setting up for the next day, and CYA stuff (scanning so I never get accused of not doing a visit - I was warned to do this - of course it's in a locked file).
I was so sick last week that I missed two days. I was supposed to be on call. Ended up working the whole weekend. I am fairly certain I had a nervous breakdown on Friday because I had seen 8 patients and was exhausted when they faxed me 5 SOC and a discharge with 4 visits for the entire weekend. I only went back to work on Friday because I am new to this job and felt obligated to get back to work. However I was still very sick, yet I did it, and paid the price that night. That's when I started thinking of what a failure I've been, and how desperately I wanted out of this constant running (driving) atmosphere. My mom (also a nurse) calls it windshield time. I spend more 'windshield' time than I do seeing patients.
Last week i received a note saying we were going to 'pay per visit per payer source' so I am guessing that means I will no longer get salary. I'll end up doing more work for less pay (which I don't think is possible to take on more patients the way they have me spread out) They say they pay for drive time, but only if it's 2hrs between visits. The amount of time I spend in the car between patients compared to how much I see patients is a good 3:1 if not 4:1.
I really am just venting. I am sick of not finding a position I like, sick of running away from job after job, and mostly I'm sick of being miserable.
Can someone please tell me that it will be better when I'm a NP or have my masters? Because I need something to hold onto. Anything at this point.
I've already started sending out resumes (after only being at this job a month) I'd quit on the spot if it weren't for the fact my car broke down on the way home from the interview for this job. I haven't had the money, much less the time, to get it fixed since.
I just wish there was some magical sign, something to point me in the right direction, because anymore I just feel like a failure and feel like I wasted 3 years of my life learning to take care of patients. Yet as much as I love to take care of the patients, either there isn't the time to do it properly (hospital) or there isn't time for ME.
Welcoming any and all suggestions. Should I just get out of the field? I LOVE taking care of the patients, and again, I love teaching the patients. Am I going in the right direction?
HELP!