Discouraged and in need of honest advice

NightNurseRN13 · Mar 19, 2012

I felt that way at the beginning of 1st semester and beginning of 2nd semester, but I stuck with it and I've learned that with each new day being in the program I gain confidence and can see myself growing.

I haven't felt the sadness for the patients, instead of looking at it like a devastating thing for the pt. look at it as you being able to help them to the best of your ability. You are doing a GREAT thing for them!!

You may not be cut out for it, but if it's something you really, really want to do then I suggest sticking with it and seeing how it goes. You may surprise yourself!

Good luck with everything. :)

p.s. I went into the nursing program with a 4.0 gpa, I was really, really hard on myself and still am. I've finally realized that I'm not going to make all A's anymore and it's okay to not know something, but it's not okay to not find out!!

Relax a bit and realize that it's not about memorization anymore, it's about understanding a concept. Don't overthink things and relax!

allnurses Guide · Mar 19, 2012

Empathy is easier to tap into when you let your thought process focus on a few specific things.

1. Ask yourself what is your goal for the day? Instead of processing this patient on a "whole" (meaning thinking about the impact of this disease/health problem on their life/their job/kids/family etc, how awful that would be to have, how sad and horrible, etc etc etc), think about what is going on with the patient TODAY. What are the actual and potential problems TODAY....even more specific...THIS SHIFT. All you can affect is what is going on while you are with the patient, right? That is what your clinical paperwork and those pesky care plans help you learn - how to focus on what you CAN do in this moment in time.

2. After you have established what your real and potential problems are, set your goals for this day. You aren't there to cure them. You aren't there to solve their problems. You are there to assess, evaluate and intervene. Again, live in this moment right here. What is your patient's greatest problem today and what can you anticipate you can do about it? Then get out there and do it. Remember, it only takes a few times of doing something to stop your hands shaking. You will only forget to load your pockets with alcohol swabs, flushes and blunt tips a couple of times before it becomes habit to not even hit the floor without those things. You will only have to do things for the very first time on a real, live patient once. Just once. After that, your list of experience will grow and so will your confidence.

3. As the shift winds down evaluate how things have gone. Review your goals. Did your day's activities touch on all of them in some way? Did you miss any? This is where you look at what you actually did, whether it was pertinent and internalize your plans for the next time you encounter things. You will find your goals and the patient's needs changed over your shift perhaps. Or that one of those potential problems reared up and changed the priorities for the shift. If you started the day with acknowledged problems of oxygenation, generalized weakness and risk for falls......and ended the day with having intervened due to de-sat (or never had de-sat), patient ambulated to the hall and back and there were no falls on your shift.....guess what?? You were successful with that patient. You were a good nurse.

Always remember, as nurses, we aren't there to heal in a global sense. We are one person with one 12 hour shift, one link in a string of 12 hour shifts. Just do your part for your shift and know your nursing colleagues are working hard to do their part for their shifts...and that all of you together is what leads to healing. Focusing on the whole picture of the patient's life and condition would be discouraging, no doubt about it. That's a picture you don't get to change and many times you never find out if what you did had a big or a little impact or any impact at all. A big part of nursing is learning to find satisfaction in what you do today and to live in the moment. This patient. This day. These goals. These results. Equating to a good job.

Nobody is fully comfortable sticking a needle into someone, or pushing a tube through a hole in their throat in order to suction stuff out of them. Nobody is fully comfortable touching a stranger's body and being present for their vulnerability can feel a bit uncomfortable if you don't see yourself as someone who has anything to offer them. But you do. Even the newest nursing student does. Know why? Because YOU were willing to step up and be there. That is the impetus from which a nurse develops. You will not always be new. You will not always be uncomfortable. You will not always feel bumbling and inept. It slowly gets better....and then new things to learn present and you feel new and bumbling at those. The difference is that by the time that happens you are looking back with amusement over the early times when it was simply uncomfortable to palpate someone's abdomen etc and know the learning and confidence do come. You develop faith in your ability to learn as much as faith in your ability to perform. Many of us come into this profession having been successful in other things. Great students perhaps. Or had a career prior that we were very good at. It is hard to come up against something bigger than ourselves and know that not only are we somewhat inept, but that we have to be inept in front of others.....other students, our instructors, even our patients. We have to learn where everyone is looking and we fear being judged. Therefore we judge ourselves even harder, hoping to minimize those moments. And yes, we have to learn and internalize what our actual purpose and role is. Curing is not our role. Sometimes that is hard to swallow.

But those moments are part of nursing. This profession always changes. What was correct intervention in 1995 is no longer correct now. All the nurses who have been nurses since before 1995 have had to change, re-learn, adapt. You don't get to stagnate in nursing. Not if you want to be a good one. The question here is....can you live with that? Can you be someone who does not define themself by a veneer of competence and success put forward to the world, but rather by the knowledge that competence and success are now reflected in your ability to keep up with a dynamic, changing, improving medical world? Can you accept your own humanity? Do you want to? Not everyone wants to do this. Not everyone is meant to be here. That isn't good, bad or indifferent. It just is. If you WANT to be here and are just afraid....push. Push through. If you don't, that is okay. You have a purpose elsewhere and that is just as important. From what you are saying, I think you want to be here. I think you are not used to the exposure that comes with learning basic nursing. It feels very uncomfortable. Can you see it through? Because it does get better. Much, much better. Then starts again, but with the history of knowing with a little push, you get through that initial discomfort. You don't have that history yet. Right now everything is huge because the comfortable to uncomfortable ratio is skewed. With time, it balances.

sugarmagnoliaRN · May 5, 2012

Quick update: things have started "clicking" and I have brought my grades up a lot. I've gotten a lot more comfortable on the floor during clinicals and am super excited for next semester! not.done.yet, thank you so much for your words of wisdom - they helped remind me why I truly want to be a nurse. I'm so glad I didn't give into that fear and quit!

allnurses Guide · May 5, 2012

If I was any help at all I am thrilled. I am glad to hear you are doing better. Enjoy your time off and gird your loins...it gets rougher before it gets easier, but then you are done and BAM...you are a real nurse. Good luck!!

Merlyn · May 5, 2012

if caring was the only qualification anybody could be a nurse you have to need to care for people. you need communication skills. you need the ability to talk to anyone. the question is can you acquire these skills. i can't answer for you. you have to sit down with yourself, alone. see what your inner self says. the biggest thing, if you decide not to go on, is thinking you fail-you don't fail. you just took a side step on the road of life-that's it.as my friend teddy roosevelt says:

it's not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or when the doer of deeds could have done better. the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.