Difficulty coping with work

[captainRN1]

Back in November, I posted that my father was on home hospice and i was having a difficult time with that and work. Unfortunately, he passed right before thanksgiving. He was diagnosed in June and gone by November. I took 2 weeks off and headed back to work because of lack of pto.

Since then, the struggle has gotten harder. When my dad was in the hospital that I work at, I had so many issues. One day, for example, I was at the hospital from 10am to 8pm, and had to go back because my mom called and said they were refusing to give him anything to treat his blood pressure because he’s dnr-b. I left a message with the nurse manager of that floor and she never even called me. I had a whole write of up of the issues we encounter, including my dad “falling” at the hospital entrance after I dropped him off for an appt and they removed the carpet and never replaced it. But I never gave it to anyone. A few weeks ago we had an expiration on the floor, and while the techs were transporting to the morgue, i passed by them waiting on the elevator and had to hold back tears from seeing the stretcher wit the deceased wrapped. Last week there was a pt just like my dad, same age, nationality, similar diagnosis. When I went in there with the night nurse after getting handoff I had to walk right out and I started crying. So many things throughout my days working trigger something inside me, especially mentally preparing myself to work the next day. It makes me anxious and questioning myself if I could do this. I keep saying I’m gonna speak to my manager or one of the coordinators but I’m not sure how they would perceive me. Suggestions? Thoughts? Has anyone gone through something like this?

[Davey Do]

Crying, dread, high anxiety, and doubting yourself are not unusual after a major life crisis like the death of a loved one, captainRN. These circumstances could be part of the grieving process or could be something akin to PTSD symptoms.

Seeking professional services from a therapist might be in order. A therapist could guide you through the grieving process and give support you in dealing with your feelings of loss. Lessons learned from dealing with the feelings of this loss can be utilized in multiple other areas of life stressors.

I've heard that the grieving process takes about six months to get a handle on things, especially after a major loss.

Don't think you're alone or feeling and doing anything out of the ordinary, captainRN. Many of us have felt the pain of despair and have experienced not only relief, but a new sense of consciousness as a result of working through our pain.

In the meantime, there's a book I also highly recommend, "Life After Loss" by Bob Diets.

I wish the very best for you, captainRN.

[AnnieNP, MSN, NP]

I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. I have no advice, but sending virtual hugs.