captainRN1

Back in November, I posted that my father was on home hospice and i was having a difficult time with that and work. Unfortunately, he passed right before thanksgiving. He was diagnosed in June and gone by November. I took 2 weeks off and headed back to work because of lack of pto. Since then, the struggle has gotten harder. When my dad was in the hospital that I work at, I had so many issues. One day, for example, I was at the hospital from 10am to 8pm, and had to go back because my mom called and said they were refusing to give him anything to treat his blood pressure because he’s dnr-b. I left a message with the nurse manager of that floor and she never even called me. I had a whole write of up of the issues we encounter, including my dad “falling” at the hospital entrance after I dropped him off for an appt and they removed the carpet and never replaced it. But I never gave it to anyone. A few weeks ago we had an expiration on the floor, and while the techs were transporting to the morgue, i passed by them waiting on the elevator and had to hold back tears from seeing the stretcher wit the deceased wrapped. Last week there was a pt just like my dad, same age, nationality, similar diagnosis. When I went in there with the night nurse after getting handoff I had to walk right out and I started crying. So many things throughout my days working trigger something inside me, especially mentally preparing myself to work the next day. It makes me anxious and questioning myself if I could do this. I keep saying I’m gonna speak to my manager or one of the coordinators but I’m not sure how they would perceive me. Suggestions? Thoughts? Has anyone gone through something like this?

Thanks for the input. I'm already approved for intermittent fmla. I just don't know how mentally and emotionally to deal with work and what's going on at home. I work on a super busy medsurge floor and sometimes it's a good distraction, but then when you see what the pts and families are going through you realize you're family is going through the same thing. Example, just yesterday I had a pt with metastic cancer, basically saying she just wants to see her son graduate. A tech said to me how are the pt and family so calm knowing she's basically dying. All I said back to her was just like my dad.

Wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with a family member's illness while continuing to work full time as a bedside nurse on a busy medsurge floor. My father was recently place on home hospice, situation has gone from ok to bad very quickly. I'm still working but it's hard to even think about going in to work the night before a shift knowing what's going on with my dad at home. I feel I should stop working but at the same time I can't just sit at home. Also, dealing with the pts, mds, family members gets beyond tough while at work and it just bottles up until I hide and basically breakdown. Has anyone gone through the same/similar situation?