Did being unattractive hurt your career?

[smartnurse1982]

While I'm not trying to be a troll, I sometimes feel that for me, that may be true.

It's not my weight, it's my face mostly. I have had coworkers and pts complain about my face, saying I looked mean. One just told me I was ugly. I don't purposely look mean, it's just the way my face is.

I'm thinking I have a neutral face, but apparently it looks mean to others. One time, I had an interview at a ltc facility and the nursing supervisor came out, looked at me, and went back into his office. No hello, nothing.

[all4neuro]

"ignorant-lateral-violence-passive-aggressive-caveman-mentality-types", aren't worth ruminating over. It is not YOU. Find some good responses on dealing with passive-aggressive people.

It works, unfortunately they will find someone else to use to make themselves feel self worth.

One of the nurse managers I worked under had a zero tolerance policy for this kind of behavior.

We had the best team ... cooperative, bright individuals from all fields. She won many manager awards, and deserved it.

Also, she was the only manger that I worked under that utilized peer reviews. Yearly evaluations consisted of the employee giving out 3 review forms to whom they choose. The manager gave out 3 of her choice.

I believe it was beneficial in keeping a positive work environment.

[vera4130]

I don't think it's unusual for a sick, elderly, or even very young pt to say something inappropriate or insulting about their nurses' appearances. One of my patients told the nurse helping me boost her in bed that she needed to wash her face because she had adult acne. No filter.

For a laugh google the term 'b*tchy resting face' it's a common malady

So that's why people are always asking me if I'm ok/tired/whatever? I always tell people that don't worry, if I'm upset, there will be NO DOUBT about it and you'll know exactly why.

That video is the greatest thing I've ever seen.

[wannabecnl]

Come to PACU. Sure, their filters pretty much fall off with the ketamine, but you can always hold onto their glasses if they start looking around critically...

Seriously, it's a sad fact that people are attracted to friendly faces and may try to avoid unfriendly or otherwise "challenging" ones; I think it's wired into our heads before birth. I have a coworker whose neutral face is very serious, which at first seemed like she was disapproving (hey, I was a newbie and annoyed half my coworkers most of the time) or just unhappy. As we've all gotten to know her, we know that's not really how she feels, which puts her at ease, so we're all smiling more. I don't have any advice other than maybe to practice a softer expression; think of something pleasant when you're going to meet someone, enter a patient's room, or go in for an interview. You don't want to look like a goofball with a big fake smile, but it might be worth it to find a compromise. Good luck!

That video is pretty funny, btw. I love the one sniffing the flower.

[Morainey, BSN, RN]

I've been told I look upset or angry when really I'm just kind of bopping along. I don't take it personally. Seems like a common thing, judging from these posts :)

[DedHedRN]

I had a nursing instructor tell me I looked like a "Slob" when I was wearing the same uniform as everyone else, clean and ironed too! I've had countless people ask me if I was sad, or if I had enough sleep, or tell me "you look tired". Even on days when I was happy well rested and feeling great!

Honestly I thought there was just something very wrong with my face...I had no idea that anyone else had this happen to them. I have even considered plastic surgery to make people stop saying weird stuff to me.

[Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN]

I've been told I look tired. I don't find it flattering, and honestly, I think people should be educated that the phrase "You look tired" is taboo!!!!

Other times, I've been told I look angry. That's usually when I'm concentrating, like titrating a gtt. That's what I tell the person. "I'm just concentrating."

If you really care, try this (it's worked well for me). Before you go into the room, take a deep breath in and out, and focus on relaxing all of your facial and shoulder muscles.

When you walk into the room, behave as if you have all the time in the world, even if you don't. Hint: If you sit down in a chair or on the bedside even for just 10 seconds, people will perceive that you spent more time with them than you actually did.

Take the time to make eye contact, make effort to find a reason to smile (not fake; really find a genuine reason to smile), and just be relaxed and connect with the person on a human level.

That's ~*Stargazer*~'s helpful hints for establishing rapport with patients and co-workers!

[sarahdanielle14]

I can't even believe this. I'm sure you are beautiful, OP.

[Pink Magnolia, BSN, RN]

I feel sorry for people who make those insults. They must be so miserable that they feel the need to spread the misery like a disease to others. Well they're not giving me that disease! No they're not!

[sarahdanielle14]

I'm a tall guy and always considered myself quite attractive... but at my last job, a coworker said I had "dead eyes." It made me feel ugly and like I had no soul. I still haven't recovered emotionally from it. I have partial seizures which cause light sensitivity and my eyes are always kinda squinty due to my condition, so it's not something I can really fix. It's now a cloud over my head all day every day. People can be very hurtful, I hope you recover this soon.

If that's you in your picture, I don't see why anyone would say that about you. You look precious. Hold your head up high and don't allow hurtful people to control your life. Easier said than done, I know :)

Blessings to you all

[Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN]

...and honestly, I don't think of myself as a typically attractive person, but what I've learned in my lifetime is that it's more about personal charisma than physical looks. You have to learn how to connect with people.

[aTOMicTom]

I've been told I look tired. I don't find it flattering, and honestly, I think people should be educated that the phrase "You look tired" is taboo!!!!

Other times, I've been told I look angry. ...

Don't forget some people are genuinely concerned when they ask these type questions, they mean well... and the others are simply passive aggressive... and pathetic and mean.

I usually have a goofy jocular expression on my face so I don't have to endure questions about my emotional state. In fact one of my goals is to be more serious in professional settings; I can't help that I'm high on life though!

[flashpoint]

I have really deep set eyes...short of plastic surgery and major reconstruction, there is nothing I can do about it. When I was young I had a head injury and ever since then, I have had "dark circles" under my eyes. No matter what I do, I always, always look tired. I get a lot of comments / complaints about it. Seriously? People complain that I always look tired. People complain that I always look sick. I'm usually not, but people sure are bothered by it.