Denied RN 3 because peers say I gossip

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Dear Nurse Beth,

My unit does this anonymous peer review of each other and staff can review someone and write answers to the questions and have a free-form comment about you. According to HR when I asked them peer review will not go into your record because it is just a unit thing. I have been working in this unit for 5 yrs and this is the first time someone said to me in the peer review that I gossip.

My manager took this seriously and made a point of not promoting me to rn3 without facts. My manager accused me of not having emotional intelligence because of the gossiping and I should be like her new nurse staff who is famous. I did not like her comment about me not having emotional intelligence so I attended and paid for an emotional intelligence class and provided a certificate that I included in my rn3 application.

I have done many things for the unit, I created a project for performance improvement which I did pre and post-survey and it has been approved by all unit staff, I lead a committee in our unit for staff and patient safety where I do monthly meeting with doctors, and unit staff. I asked her what was her basis of believing the negative personal review about me and she said she has asked 2 people and they said it is true. I have never gossiped about someone in my unit, but I talked to our LCN to inform them about how new nurses work and what are things that is not our practice and could harm patients.

My manager told me I can still apply as rn3 and I did. I had my evaluation today and she said I am a good nurse and did a lot of things for the unit but I'm immature and still needs to grow because of the gossiping accusation but she did not write her negative comment on our evaluation system. Everything written were all about the good things I did for the unit. I asked her could you please provide proof that I gossiped, who are those people, what was the content about the gossip and why aren't they talking to me directly.

All of a sudden she denied that there are people, she said she doesn't know who wrote the peer review. What she is said to me- that I do not have emotional intelligence, im immature and need to grow up is affecting my mental health and motivation at work. I have done many things for the unit and now she is asking me to do another project even if she is not approving my rn3 application. I have never harmed any patients or have written warning of anything. I love my job and the nurses I work with. She is just so confusing for me. I do not know what to do. Should I go to HR about it?

 

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2 Answers

Specializes in Tele, ICU, Staff Development.

Dear Not Promoted,

I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your workplace. Dealing with accusations and conflicting feedback can be challenging and frustrating.

Receiving negative feedback out of the blue is being blindsided, especially when you have not been aware of any performance issues. Your manager made several mistakes.

Here are a few suggestions on how to handle the situation.

However, the suggestions focus on what you can do, and not on your manager or coworkers. Likewise, do not go to HR as it will not be productive.

Don't be Defensive

It never helps to be defensive when you are being counseled, even when your manager is wrong or misinformed.

While personally challenging, it's crucial to acknowledge the feedback and express your appreciation for the chance to improve your performance. The intent of your evaluation is to help foster growth.

Anonymous Feedback

If anonymous feedback from your colleagues is given to your manager, it's not advisable to ask who provided it. Your manager is unlikely to reveal their identities, and focusing on discovering their names can detract from your self-improvement efforts. Such behavior may also be seen as an attempt to dismiss or evade the feedback that has been given. 

When participating in anonymous peer reviews, both the reviewers and the reviewees remain anonymous. It is not appropriate to reveal identities. Similarly, when submitting a peer review, one can rest assured that they will not be questioned by their peers.

Consider sharing with a close friend or family member who is not associated with your work. This can provide a helpful opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings, and get it behind you.

Ask for Clarification

Even if some time has passed, you can still address the situation.

Consider circling back and asking for clarification in a calm and non-confrontational manner. This approach can help you avoid being defensive or argumentative.

"After reflecting on my performance review, I am curious about how my emotional maturity is perceived. Could you provide specific examples of how  my overall performance will look differently with improvement?"

Ask for Help

When you respectfully ask your manager for help, you are assertively taking control of the situation. This in itself demonstrates emotional intelligence.

Convey that you want to grow and improve and that you value their feedback and advice.

"What do you think would most help me to improve?"

By establishing a positive relationship with your manager, they become a supportive partner and coach, while also remaining committed to the feedback process. It also holds your manager accoiuntable.

It's important to cultivate this type of connection for a successful working dynamic.

SMART Goals

Your nurse manager should provide you with actionable goals. If not, ask. The best goals are SMART Goals.

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Achievable
  • Realistic
  • Timely

Close the Loop

Ask for a follow-up meeting with her to discuss your progress. Additionally, ask if she would be available for any questions or guidance in the meantime.

Regain Your Balance

This one undocumented point on your performance review does not define you as a nurse or person. Remember that you are valued and appreciated on the unit, and you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to! 

I wish you the best moving forward. Keep up the good work you are doing on the unit, my friend!

Nurse Beth


 

Specializes in Critical Care.

Following. My story isn't the same, but the feeling sounds similar, and I am curious to hear more about how to deal with these situations. I do not gossip. If someone starts talking about someone in a negative way, I walk away and ignore. Refusing to participate in gossip earned me negative reviews from my peers. 

I also trained students/new nurses, participated in committees, attended all meetings, served at skills fairs, was receptive to feedback by leadership, but the damage was done.

My situation was pretty bad as the manager kept asking me to have 1-2 hour conversations whether I was at work or at home. She texted me, called me, left voicemails, and demanded that we have conversations early morning after working 3-4 night shifts in a row. 

I went to HR when I hit a point where I no longer cared what would happen. I told my story and shared the messages I had received from the manager. I was internally transferred and eventually the manager was let go. 

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