Published
I searched the forums, and I couldn't find any posts that answered these questions, but if you know of a post that does, please link me :)
I was wondering if you fellow allnurses.comers could describe what it was like the first time death was presented to you in a hospital. I have yet to witness it - and I understand death is a very very sad thing.
What happened to the person who died? What sort of feelings were running through your body? How did you deal with it afterwards? Did you have to comfort the family?
Sometimes I feel like my weakness to nursing would be that I would cry at the hospital. I am a pretty sensitive person, but I am sure that I want to do nursing! My nursing friend was telling me the first death she witnessed was in the NICU. Another said it was a 10 year old boy who committed suicide. I almost felt like crying to just the stories! Death is very devastating - how do you nurses 'block' or 'deal' with it overall?
Thanks in advance, and I apologize if this is previously posted or if it's a sensitive subject.
I posted this in this post; https://allnurses.com/forums/f8/have-you-ever-gone-find-patient-dead-what-happened-127107-8.html#post2920717
Had a patient while I was on orientation on a med surg unit. She was admitted right at shift change, so my preceptor and I were going to do her admission assessment. I got a brief report about her... they expected her to pass during the night. She had a CVA a few years before, which had left her non-verbal and basically a total care pt. Family was caring for her at home.First, the CNA couldnt get a BP on her, but she was tachycardic. She was only on fluids and antibiotics. When she was admitted her INR was 10.0
She had SO many decubs on her, I RAN OUT OF PLACES TO DOCUMENT THEM (we use computer charting)!! And they were all HUGE! She had one that was yucky, brown, draining brown purulent, foul smell, lots of tunnelling. We turned her over to assess the back of her body and she started turning gray on us, so we hurried up and got her back on her back and her color improved. During this time, her legs and feet were already mottled.
Checked on her throughout the night and her mottling was progressing. Someone had turned off her tele b/c they were tired of hearing it ding and ding b/c she was tachy. Went to check on her at about 4-something in the morning, noticed her color was HORRIBLE, from adistance didnt see her chest rising. at about the same time, someone ws turning her tele back on. They said there were little blips on the screen and when I walked in, went asystole.
I like to think maybe she was waiting for someone to come in the room before she went completely asystole, to not die alone.
Her death was a blessing, considering she was (I hope) unintentionally being neglected at home.
I have to post this....
Before I was a licensed nurse, I had an externship in Oncology for 3 1/2 months. It was during the summer and I had one more semester before graduating. I learned more about death, life, compassion and the human spirit than I had in my previous 40 years! Oncology nurses are wonderful!:heartbeat They are special people and I wish I had the :redbeathe the ability to exhibit their warmth and understanding all of the time----that's why I can't be there, not that good:saint:.
Anyway, I was on the floor for a few days (and the entire externship)and was fortunate enough to work with an excellent nurse. She left me to my own devices....taught me alot....and supported me to work as a nurse. Basically, she gave me the tools to be confident in my skills and abilities.
My first family loss was an older African American woman-she was in her 90's, had been treated for liver cancer that had gone into remission (as she said)-her daughters were amazing, Catholic, Muslim, and Baptist-What a mix! They stayed round the clock. Her church and it's members, her kids and their different religious groups-all came to visit-pray with her, family and others. They were amazing! For about a week, she was good---then she began to eat less and drink less---she got a little weaker---her family was scared---of course what did I know about helping someone to die? When asked I offered suggestions for rehydration, and various other fixes--but what fixes endstage liver ca? WHAT DID I KNOW? I was so proud of myself for providing these options to the family, then my preceptor Barbara explained the process of the body shutting down, what fluids would do to her, and how I'd actually make her end uncomfortable---I felt terrible----she offered to tell the family---I wouldn't let her, I sat them all down again, and explained all she'd told me, along with my heartfelt apology for providing the wrong information.
They were beyond kind! We made her comfortable, and let her eat or drink what she felt like eating or drinking. We medicated her if she was uncomfortable...soft music played...family was there.....as she died-and I watched her urine output cease....she was comfortable....she was loved....she was peaceful. They called me when she began Cheyne stokes breathing....she was medicated as she slipped away surrounded by all who loved and respected her. I was there for her last breaths, and last heart beats. Her daughters washed her....cared for her....and related to me how wonderful it had been to have me help her pass on to her God! I will never forget her or her family.....they will always be with me.
I have lost other oncology patients who broke my heart....they fought so hard! I have lost ER patients that I don't know....but I'll never forget my first, and the ones that stay with me will always be those I bonded with and know like family.
Maisy
Hi there,
My first experiences with death were family members (before I became a nurse). Actually the deciding factor for me to go to nursing school was the death of my father and how the hospice nurse who came to our house treated us, and my father during his last weeks.
It used to be that as a nurse (or any health care person), you were supposed to maintain a detatched, professional demeanor.
I don't believe that is the case anymore. With our profession we see lots of patients and family frequently, or they stay for long periods of time on our unit. We get to know them well and form a bond with them. You can't help but get attatched to them, and when they die, it can be almost as difficult for the staff as the family, especially if the death is unexpected.
I have experienced several deaths on my unit. The first one was really hard because I was orienting, and the patient and family were so great. She was a very sick lady, with a bad heart, and she actually stopped breathing right in front of me. I was so very scared, and also it brought back personal memories of my fathers death. I was glad I had a preceptor who understood when I had to leave the room to get myself together so I could be there for the family and the patient. I am not afraid to show the family that their loved one dying affected me as well, and I think most family appreciates that we can show our emotions, and that we really do care.
The most important thing to remember in any death is that first and foremost it is about the patient and family, and not about you. You can cry, and be sad, but you need to be able to meet the needs of the patient/family.
It's also important not to internalize your own feelings. If you let it build up, it can be bad. Find someone you can talk to if you need to (keep HIPAA in mind). I use my fiancee, and he is very supportive. I don't give patient details, but he is a shoulder to cry on, and a good listener. Most hospitals have an employee resource for such things, and you can also use the Chaplains (they are not just for patients).
I have comforted lots of family members, and although I don't always know what to say, I will give a hug, offer my shoulder to cry on, and generally try to be there for them if they need me to. Little things like offering tissues, a chair, a blanket are more appreciated than you know. I always treat the body of the deceased with the utmost respect, almost as if the person is still able to sense us, I will even tell the deceased what I am doing during post mortem care (sounds silly, but it helps me).
The worst is like my last patient when the death is so unexpected. I really liked patient and the family, and they were always so nice to us (the husband would bring us treats, and they would send thank you cards after each stay). I had had a bad evening the day before she died, and could not get her pain under control despite numerous calls to the doctor, etc. The husband and the family were upset, and I felt like a crappy nurse. The next day, 10 minutes into my shift she died.
I felt awful, and the husband was devastated. Even through his grief, he made a point to come to me and thank me for my care and helping her the previous night (we did finally get her some relief after insisting that she needed stronger meds). We hugged, and both cried, and I think he appreciated that I could show him how much it affected me as well.
The day having a patient die, and I don't feel sad, is the day I need to find another career. But I hope it never happens.
Amy
Annieee
137 Posts
All of these posts are truly amazing! I even got teary-eyed on a few of them.
I think this post actually makes me want to be a nurse even more.
It helps me understand that people are still filled with an extensive amount of empathy. I for one, feel like I haven't seen much of it in this society lately.
You nurses are very strong, and I admire everything you do!
Thanks for posting your stories so far - I am so excited to get into nursing school! :)