I recently lost my husband. He had a strong cardiac history. MI x 2, 5 vessell bypass 7 years ago. Was sitting and talking to me, mid-sentence he arrested. I did CPR while family called 911. I had his pulse back and was doing rescue breathing when EMS arrived. Was so shocked they didn't bring an AED/ambu bag, oxygen or anything into the house. Loaded him into the ambulance and sat in the road intubating for 15 minutes with the hospital 2 minutes away. No CPR was ever done, yet they documented asystole. At the hospital, I wasn't allowed to be with my husband during resuscitation despite asking many times. We were married 24 years and I needed to be there for him (and me). How do I handle this and these feelings?